ChatterBank1 min ago
c s a and ex partner
45 Answers
csa take £300 p/month out my wages without any hassle but now i feel i need help in not paying on some improper behaviour by my ex or another condition.
i have no problem doing this as its money to support my kids.
i haven't seen them for almost a year as my ex doesn't want me seeing them and access stopped when i lost my job last year and couldn't pay her £50 p/wk.
yesterday was my youngest sons b'day and i sent a family member round friday night with presents and a card as i didn't want the argument.
saturday morning my mom woke up to find my card and gifts unopened left on her bonnet.
i have rang csa to explain why is my gifts/cards etc not good enough but my £300 p/month perfectly ok.
what can i do to get csa to see the real side of her and allow me a bit of leeway on maintenance payments, i feel i shouldn't pay has the return of my gifts without giving them to him is a step too far when i'm having £300 p/month took out my wages.
csa told me on the phone when i rang them that i still have to pay regardless of how i feel about the incident that has happened about what i've put above.
i have no problem doing this as its money to support my kids.
i haven't seen them for almost a year as my ex doesn't want me seeing them and access stopped when i lost my job last year and couldn't pay her £50 p/wk.
yesterday was my youngest sons b'day and i sent a family member round friday night with presents and a card as i didn't want the argument.
saturday morning my mom woke up to find my card and gifts unopened left on her bonnet.
i have rang csa to explain why is my gifts/cards etc not good enough but my £300 p/month perfectly ok.
what can i do to get csa to see the real side of her and allow me a bit of leeway on maintenance payments, i feel i shouldn't pay has the return of my gifts without giving them to him is a step too far when i'm having £300 p/month took out my wages.
csa told me on the phone when i rang them that i still have to pay regardless of how i feel about the incident that has happened about what i've put above.
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boro - exactly my feelings when i'm always told court.
i earn £1100 a month - £300 csa and £396 rent (call it £400) £100 council tax then out the remaining £300 i got to do pay gas , elec, water etc plus my wife does shopping and sorts her kids needs out.
what do i have left for legal action.
csa are phoning me back tomorrow and if they aint going to help i fick a box note will be the start of me making a stand.
its easy for a woman to play the system as every one is on their side.
i earn £1100 a month - £300 csa and £396 rent (call it £400) £100 council tax then out the remaining £300 i got to do pay gas , elec, water etc plus my wife does shopping and sorts her kids needs out.
what do i have left for legal action.
csa are phoning me back tomorrow and if they aint going to help i fick a box note will be the start of me making a stand.
its easy for a woman to play the system as every one is on their side.
neil - you have my sympathy. As a woman living with a man with 2 children by a completely mad ex, I really do understand. Anyone who knows me will vouch for what we have been through.
Unfortunately, CSA and contact are unrelated. You MUST pay CSA for your child irrespective of if you see them and how you are treated.
Contact is a completely separate matter which is dealt with through the county court.
I really do understand your anger and frustration - hey, you want to see how cross Mr BM gets at the fact that he used to pay a shed load of CSA, yet does not get to see one of his children. (He is now out of work so doesn't pay - although once every 3 months she reports him to the CSA for working and not declaring it which is a load of botox). He has just finished a contract so she will get some CSA from that, yet, he hasn't seen his daughter for over a year.
You COULD make an application to the County COurt for contact. You won't get legal aid, but the Courts are used to dealing with people without lawyers, and the Judge will help you. Mr BM has fought his ex in court 3 times since I have been here. Every time he has been unrepresented and every time the Court has ruled in his favour.
Unfortunately, CSA and contact are unrelated. You MUST pay CSA for your child irrespective of if you see them and how you are treated.
Contact is a completely separate matter which is dealt with through the county court.
I really do understand your anger and frustration - hey, you want to see how cross Mr BM gets at the fact that he used to pay a shed load of CSA, yet does not get to see one of his children. (He is now out of work so doesn't pay - although once every 3 months she reports him to the CSA for working and not declaring it which is a load of botox). He has just finished a contract so she will get some CSA from that, yet, he hasn't seen his daughter for over a year.
You COULD make an application to the County COurt for contact. You won't get legal aid, but the Courts are used to dealing with people without lawyers, and the Judge will help you. Mr BM has fought his ex in court 3 times since I have been here. Every time he has been unrepresented and every time the Court has ruled in his favour.
BM
i have done court at a cost of around £7500.
unfortunately i can be awarded access and she doesn't have to play ball only to take it back to court and pay more money to end up back there when she does it all again.
its a joke that they wont help or even put anything in place where mad ex's have to think of welfare of kids and parenting from both sides without the arguments and battles over custody.
if csa done this the whole organisation would run more smoother and could probably sort problems out on the phone within 10-20 minutes rather than 2 hours and still need a call back.
i have done court at a cost of around £7500.
unfortunately i can be awarded access and she doesn't have to play ball only to take it back to court and pay more money to end up back there when she does it all again.
its a joke that they wont help or even put anything in place where mad ex's have to think of welfare of kids and parenting from both sides without the arguments and battles over custody.
if csa done this the whole organisation would run more smoother and could probably sort problems out on the phone within 10-20 minutes rather than 2 hours and still need a call back.
Tell me about it. We haven't seen his daughter for over 14 months. We still see his son, but that is not for mum not trying to stop contact. The last Judge told her to stop being so ridiculous.
Unfortunately, mad ex's are virulent. The ONLY thing you can do is what Mr Bm has done and keep fighting. There is not a day goes by when he doesnt fight (I am not suggesting you don't, and god knows I understand how wearing it can be). The personal cost to us has been immense, but we have at least preserved contact with his son. We have to dance to HER tune - if she says jump, we have to ask "how high?", and i want to smack her in the mouth on a daily basis.
Our financial costs have been the costs of applications. He has represented himself at hearings and has done very well. Last time he had a "penal notice" attached. ok, so no Judge is ever going to send her to prison, but it seems to have worked......... for now.
I can't really offer any advice, but you DO have my heartfelt sympathy.
Unfortunately, mad ex's are virulent. The ONLY thing you can do is what Mr Bm has done and keep fighting. There is not a day goes by when he doesnt fight (I am not suggesting you don't, and god knows I understand how wearing it can be). The personal cost to us has been immense, but we have at least preserved contact with his son. We have to dance to HER tune - if she says jump, we have to ask "how high?", and i want to smack her in the mouth on a daily basis.
Our financial costs have been the costs of applications. He has represented himself at hearings and has done very well. Last time he had a "penal notice" attached. ok, so no Judge is ever going to send her to prison, but it seems to have worked......... for now.
I can't really offer any advice, but you DO have my heartfelt sympathy.
BM
at least you're in my situation and can see my point of view from personal experiences.
you are probably the only woman apart from my wife that is with me on this 1 without telling me to keep paying my payments for nothing.
when we split i gave her my house to live in, when i was made redundant i asked her to pay mortgage till i found a job (not directly but via her family member who i dealt with and give them redundancy letter) this was way beyond what she could do and this year (feb) house got repossessed and its my fault it got repossessed as she bought this into the argument when i seen her at the childrens football arena which we haven't been to since
at least you're in my situation and can see my point of view from personal experiences.
you are probably the only woman apart from my wife that is with me on this 1 without telling me to keep paying my payments for nothing.
when we split i gave her my house to live in, when i was made redundant i asked her to pay mortgage till i found a job (not directly but via her family member who i dealt with and give them redundancy letter) this was way beyond what she could do and this year (feb) house got repossessed and its my fault it got repossessed as she bought this into the argument when i seen her at the childrens football arena which we haven't been to since
When I went to court (without lawyer) the judge told my ex she had to let me see my son on a set time on a saturday and sunday ,so off I went on the saturday to pick my son up ,dead on the tim I knocked on the door ,she opened it and told me 'I aint seeing him and to f off ' so off I went to my lawyers monday morning only to be told that I will have to go to the courts again ,more money ,,,and so it went on ...
neil, nowhere have i said i don't have sympathy for you, i really really do. If someone told me i couldn't see my daughter, i would be utterly devestated. However " its not like they will need the money" No, but YOUR KIDS DO. The maintenance that you pay is not paying for visitation, it's paying for their food and clothes and housing You say it's not about the money but quite frankly, i don't really believe you, when you post about how you can't afford stuff because you are paying this - if you did have access, you would still be in the financial position wouldn't you? Your kids will ALWAYS need to be maintained by you (until they are adults) regardless of your relationship with their mother. If the kids have to accept a lower lifestyle because you stop paying, their mother will soon tell them whose fault it is, and that will hardly help your relationship with them. God forbid they are hungry because you don't pay - that's the sort of thing that kids will remember forever, even when they are adults. the mother sounds like the sort of woman who would say " sorry you can't have that Pair of shoes/new clothes/after school club/go to that party because your father isn't paying us any money" That kind of poison soon spreads and totally affects your relationship with the kids
You don't say where your stepchildrens father is, but does he help?
You don't say where your stepchildrens father is, but does he help?
Neil, I am always on the side of the child
The father must pay for the child if he is the absent parent
However, the ONLY time I suggest stop payments is if the mother is stopping the dad seeing the child and the dad has no other avenues left to follow
Redirect the payments into an a/c in your sons name and stop paying her directly - it may work
To get the CSA to act call them and tell them you wish to make a complaint about the maladministration of your a/c. I was advised to do this myself by an ex CSA advisor. It was guaranteed results - and it was. 6 months down the line, court papers were issued with the next step being bailiffs if dad failed to show. It didn't get that far as I accepted half what I was owed in the end.
GL
The father must pay for the child if he is the absent parent
However, the ONLY time I suggest stop payments is if the mother is stopping the dad seeing the child and the dad has no other avenues left to follow
Redirect the payments into an a/c in your sons name and stop paying her directly - it may work
To get the CSA to act call them and tell them you wish to make a complaint about the maladministration of your a/c. I was advised to do this myself by an ex CSA advisor. It was guaranteed results - and it was. 6 months down the line, court papers were issued with the next step being bailiffs if dad failed to show. It didn't get that far as I accepted half what I was owed in the end.
GL
they dont stop being your kids just because you are being treated badly by someone else!
the fact that you think you can just 'downtools' and stop doing your fatherly duties because you are in a mood about it says a lot about why you are probably in this mess.
i agree the situation is rotten for you, but you must play it properly... stopping payment just gives her ammo to use against you in court - and in bad mouthing you to the kids.
you could tell her you will stop the payment on a certain date, say in a months time, if she does not let you see them - see if the threat of it sorts it out - but you cant actually stop paying for your own children
the fact that you think you can just 'downtools' and stop doing your fatherly duties because you are in a mood about it says a lot about why you are probably in this mess.
i agree the situation is rotten for you, but you must play it properly... stopping payment just gives her ammo to use against you in court - and in bad mouthing you to the kids.
you could tell her you will stop the payment on a certain date, say in a months time, if she does not let you see them - see if the threat of it sorts it out - but you cant actually stop paying for your own children
If you believe your assessment or CSA formula is wrong you can seek to challenge it by an internal review (not solely for the reason given) if you are still not satisfied you can appeal and if still dissatisfied you can appeal to a to a Child Support Commissioner.
If you feel you do not have proper contact with your children go back to court and try to vary the terms, the courts are now well aware of the tactics of the resident parent. Putting yourself in the wrong will not help you even if it makes you feel better. The Law is supposed to be blind were gender is concerned but many people would not agree with this.
If you feel you do not have proper contact with your children go back to court and try to vary the terms, the courts are now well aware of the tactics of the resident parent. Putting yourself in the wrong will not help you even if it makes you feel better. The Law is supposed to be blind were gender is concerned but many people would not agree with this.
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