Oscar Worthy

[DEN53]

As some of you may know, my Mum has dementia, after the worst weekend of my life (and believe me I've had a few) I took my Mum into respite care in a nursing home yesterday. My acting performance was deserving of an oscar.

After showering her I had to sort her clothes out, name tag them, pack and doing all this in total secrecy. I then told her we were going for a ride in the country and stopping off in a hotel for a cuppa. Eventually found the nursing home, still keeping up the pretence with Mum. Lovely staff greeted us and I was very impressed how clean and bright it was. All was going well, drinking tea and chatting to others - then a carer brought some really bad patients in - I just completely broke down and had to hurry into the kitchen, so Mum could'nt see me crying.

The manager took me into the office to console me, with Mum shouting out my name from the day room.

Anyway to cut a long story short - I left her there in the capable hands of a carer and went to the car to get her belongings, still crying !

My Dad is in bits but keeping himself busy.

I know I have done the right thing, as my Dad needs a break from the caring and so do i.

Trouble is I feel so guilty and am still crying.

Many of you may have been through a similar situation, especially Mazie, who has been a support to me via email. Unfortunately my email is down at the moment, so thats why I am off loading on AB.

[Bobbisox]

I wish you well DEN...truly

[redman41]

Good for you DEN as it will give you a break knowing that your Mum is in good hands and it will also help your Dad who is also struggling himself. You need a break DEN and you can go and visit which is easier than having to struggle on without proper help. Good luck to you and I'm sure Rowan will echo my sentiments as well, as she is in contact with you away from AB !! XX

[jackthehat]

Take comfort in the knowledge that you are doing what you truly believe to be the best for everyone.

I wish you well.

[ttfn]

Den I feel for you. But remember it is just another chapter, we cannot stop the writing for fear the story will end x

[DEN53]

I know Joy, Many Thanks

Thanks Red - I'm not going to visit for a few days, to let her settle. Just phoned my Dad and he is up a ladder painting his porch - just hope I don't get a phone call later on saying he has fallen off. (:0 (

I know Jack - one side of my brain is the logical side, knowing this and the other side of the brain is saying nooooooooooo what a bitch.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

I feel for you DEN. Dementia is so hard for the people close to it.
You've done the right thing and I'm sure she'll settle and be happy in no time.

[DEN53]

This is so true ttfn. Thanks xx

[jackthehat]

Well, stick a chocolate hob-nob in its mouth and tell it to shut up. :o)

You are a good, kind and attentive daughter and *that* is the bit you need to concentrate on !

[Bobbisox]

seeing this thread and the last one made me realize how silly lifes trivial things are, I haven't gone through anything as traumatic as this DEN as I lost my parents quite young, reading your thread today, I was saved from this awful heartache you feel, but I would have done the same
Joy

[Mamyalynne]

Oh sweetheart what a wrench for you, but as you say you have done the right thing and can now visit happily and know she is safe there. Look after yourself, sending a big ((HUG)).

Mamya♥

[DEN53]

Thank you mo-jo.

She will be in there until the 13th Sept(if all goes well). In between now and then, I have to start the phoning process again, trying to arrange where we go from there.

[bednobs]

sometimes it's really nice to just be a "daughter" rather than nurse/carer too

[mccfluff]

((((((((den)))))))))))) xx

don;t feel guilty you and your dad deserve a break

[ttfn]

Den, I don't wish to be hard here - far from it - but you and dad need to make the most of this fortnight or what is the point of the respite care? You know your mum is in safe hands so think about the purpose of it. This is not a period of mourning and no doubt there will be more to follow. You cannot allow your 'guilt' to take over. I would send you a case of Kit-Kats if it would help! x

[DEN53]

bednobs - I know you have been through personal grief lately and my heart broke when I read your posts. I think you are one very brave lady. xx

Thank you Fluffy and Mamy.

I am just off to take some paracetamol as my head is banging and then I am going to cut my grass, to get out in the sunshine.

I will be back later.

Den xx

[rowanwitch]

At least she will be properly assesssed as she is unlikely to 'present' as ok over a long spell this will help your case when trying to arrange a proper support package...And you have also been able to do the best thing for your dad too....of course he will miss her... but he will feel more in control if he can get all his jobs done too.. hugs to you from me as well ....will be at Redmans from tomorrow but if you get back online I am sure he'll let me access my emails... or I will tie him to the cooker...
Don't forget to take this time to look after yourself and recharge your own batteries...have some proper you time...and some couple time with the OH without worrying if the phone is going to ring with problems...

Take care
Rowan

[DEN53]

Thanks Steve. xx

You are right ttfn - it will take all of 2 weeks to alleviate the months of stress from my neck and head. I know there is more to come, and I said I have to start the phoning to sort out when she comes home, as we cannot go back to how its been.

[DEN53]

Hiya Rowan - my reflexology lady is coming on Thursday and I really look forward to it.

Thanks for your support and so glad you and Red are hitting it off. I am soooo looking forward to the wedding (:0 )

[redman41]

We will go to the Altar handcuffed together DEN.....she's not getting away !! lol