setting limits

[daberners]

Hi, my girlfriend and I have some disagreement about setting limits. For example, when her daughter of 2 years goes into the waste basket, I say no, because I believe it will teach her that waste baskets are for things we are throwing away. If she grabs something like a piece of paper out of the garbage then my girlfriend thinks I am unneccesarily strict. How do you feel about this?

[noxlumos]

I thought I'd get in here before the "children need firm limits " replies you'll doubtless get because we actually have virtually no rules in our house ( we have 8 children 3 years-20 years) so we've given this a really good crack of the whip.About the only rule we have is that the kids use their common sense, but obviously a 2 year old won't be aware of what's a bit of paper and what's a nuclear warhead so you have to steer them away from anything actively dangerous.That being said if she's only mooching for paper I personally wouldn't have a huge fit about it because it's unimportant, I'd just tell her that it's better to get paper from the paper rack. If she was sticking her fingers in a socket then you clearly have to do something. With our methods as they grow older they are used to decision making and thus are confident and secure in nearly any situation but when very small especially if they are an only child they need guidelines obviously, so just try to make your responses non shouty and proportionate to whatever she's doing at the time.

[Lauren91303]

Your girlfriend is wrong. There isn't anything in the trash can that a two year old should be getting back out. It's trash, it could be sharp or just nasty. Tell her when she gets older, she's going to be dumpster picker if she doesn't stop it now!

[lady_p_gold]

Sorry but I could not help laughing at your second sentence. I think that her 2 year old should not go into the waste basket but should sleep in a cot like anyone else !

[Goodsoulette]

I agree she shouldn't be going in there either but I am a firm believer of explaining why to children calmly. No gets banded around to much and 2 yr olds are far more intelligent than they get credit for. As nox says, tell her where to get some paper or steer her in the direction of something more interesting. Your girlfriend probably feels uneasy with the way you tell her off, try some gentle coaxing instead.

[Dolly1308]

Try removing the trash can ,she's 2 years old for God's sake ,say no for sure and point out its only dirty stuff in there .Distract her with something else and gently does it ! She's not doing it to be awkward she's just investigating like all children of her age do .If she has something to occupy her she won't want to go in the rubbish !

[theren_911]

Put the kid in the bin, spread some paper around the house. A bit of reverse psychology might do the trick. And it would seriously annoy the missus.

[joko]

lady p gold - sorry did i miss something? what second sentence? no-one even mentioned sleeping or cots!

[Hamish]

Our son it a bit like this. We let him put rubbish in the bin, pat the bin, touch the bin, but dont let him take anything out of it. The idea of him handling raw chicken when we are not looking is dangerous enough! He has got the idea now and seems quite happy - he loves running errands to the bin, opening it, putting the rubbish in and patting it shut. He will even scour the kitchen foor sometimes for crumbs so he can put things in the bin. I think noxlumos post is very sensible, but remember that it might be paper today, a but a piece of glass, an empty bag that contained meat, of a nuclear war head tomorrow. You can be as carful as you like in your own house, but other people you meet/visit might not be, always worth considering what they could do if you are not looking at what they are taking out!