Bit Of Advice Please....

[ClaryS]

Earlier I called at my neighbours to pick up a parcel left there. I don't know her really well, just a hello when I see her and give or take parcels in. When she answered the door her eyes were red and puffy like she'd been crying for ages. I didn't say anything but chatted a little while then came away. Now its praying on my mind -should I have said something like are you ok you look as if you've been crying? I feel awful I hope she's ok but can't really go back now. She has had a heap of problems in a short time so no doubt its getting on top of her -what can I do?

[Mamyalynne]

Hindsight is something we all suffer from Clarys.

Could you make a simple cake and pop round saying, you thought she looked like she needed cheering up? She may open up to you then.

[EcclesCake]

The moment has passed as far as today is concerned.

Have you made any jam or chutney recently? Could you pop round tomorrow to offer her a jar/get her opinion and engage her in conversation then?

[rockyracoon]

I'd nip back when you know she's on her own. If it was that obvious that she's been crying she might wonder why you didn't ask.

[Sqad]

\\\\When she answered the door her eyes were red and puffy like she'd been crying for ages.\\\

Could have been a medical reason...blepharitis or allergic conjunctivitis.........but no, i accept your suspicion that she may have been crying.

\\\\ I don't know her really well, just a hello when I see her and give or take parcels in. \\\

Mind you own business.....if she wanted to "spill the beans" then she would have done.

[237SJ]

Personally, I think it`s a bit late now. You don`t know her well enough to make a point of going back asking questions.

[Mamyalynne]

No need to ask questions at all , a smile and friendly gesture to someone in the midst of a lot of problems can sometimes be comfort enough.

[rockyracoon]

That's what I think Mamya, extend the hand of friendship, if it's not taken then so be it, if it is then the effort is worth it.

You just might make someone feel like they have someone to talk to.

Of course she might have just sat there watching the last two episodes of The Big C and that would very much explain big red puffy eyes.

Let the force be with you whatever you decide :)

[ClaryS]

Thank you for your replies they are appreciated. Eccles I've just made a load of blackberry jelly and some chutney with the last of my tomatoes, that's a good idea to take some around I'll leave it until tomorrow though. I understand the replies that say leave it, because if I'd been crying and I answered the door to someone I hardly knew I'd be embarrassed and probably make an excuse like hayfever or something. I will see her tomorrow and ask how she's coping (her hubby has just had his leg amputated, mother gone into care and her dog is terminally ill poor soul) and be prepared.

[joko]

maybe just write a note being honest, say you noticed and didnt know what to say at the time, but that you are concerned for her, and hope she is ok - add your number and say if she wants to talk etc that you are there.

not sure about turning up with gifts - she is practically a stranger so it may seem odd just to knock, and you are also putting her on the spot to invite you in, there and then, and explain etc, when she probably wont want to - but do add in the note that you will come round for a cuppa if she wants and will bring a jar of homemade jam! - then if she wants to talk she will message you.

i mean we all have tough times, we all cry etc - doesn't mean we need or want people we don't know asking etc.

[Kassee]

I think its a nice idea to pop round with some of your homemade jam or chutney, you could then invite her to pop round any time if she feels like some company. In that way, you are being friendly and offering your help and I'm sure she will appreciate that. Whether she comes round or not is then up to her.

If you had mentioned that she looked as though she had been crying - it would have been really embarrissing for her. So it was just as well you didnt.

[Prudie]

Why is Clary suspended? OK don't answer...

[237SJ]

She reminds me of a twice suspended user so maybe the powers that be thought the same.

[Prudie]

Know what you mean 237

[237SJ]

It was the reference to farming and sheep that convinced me.

[ummmm]

Magsmay.....

[237SJ]

I can`t understand why people who are banned want to come back. I don`t know what the compulsion is. I`d just say, "Well, that`s that then". Still, each to their own I guess.

[sherrardk]

That's a shame, she was being quite nice this time.

[tonyav]

Theres one or two that do on a regular basis, 237SJ.

[wolf63]

Is this lady also Mercia? A few of her posts were very elaborate and OTT.

Why can't people just be themselves?

[sherrardk]

Sebfinion and TheMorrigan.