sleepovers

[bubbly2000]

My daughter & her boyfriend are both 16 and have been together for a year. They are very smitten. She approached me recently and said they had been talking and wants to go on the pill, as they don't want to take risks as they are both very career orientated and have clear goals which they want to acheive. She asked if he could stay over, to which I agreed. She sleeps with me and he has the spare bed. Before I agreed to her staying at his, I met his family and they are nice respectable hardworking people. So everything should be fine, however, I have a partner of 3 yrs who does not live with me, and hes blown his top about the sleepovers, as he dosen't agree with kids having partners to stay under parents roofs. I suggested a compromise, that I wouldn't allow him to stay over on a night when he stayed, but he said no, not any night, regardless if it was out night or not. So wer'e at a stale mate and its causing so much tension. Help..Am I being a slack mother, I don't think I am, but would be grateful for anyones opinion

[dizmouk2009]

"My problem is I don't think I can get anyone else. Pathetic, I know"

Not pathetic, we all feel like that when looking for partners, it's a part of life. Don't stick with him just because you think you're going to be lonely for the rest of your life because you won't, I can promise you that. There are hundreds of decent single blokes out there who want to find love. Do the right thing for you!

[MarkRae]

> My problem is I don't think I can get anyone else. Pathetic, I know.

Yes, it is. My advice (for what it's worth, because I think you'll just ignore it) is to dump him tomorrow, put yourself first and your intelligent and sensible daughter second, and then find someone else. Use Match.com, eHarmony or any of the hundreds of other relationship sites...

[bubbly2000]

No this is definately not a wind up, & reading everything back I can see that my original question has somewhat been answered & left behind. Yes, I have seen the wife (and had nasty messages which I ignore) No they are not divorced. Any way, I know what I should do, and I will . Thankyou all

[dizmouk2009]

Alot of people often criticise me, especially on this site, because I'm only 24 and 'how can I know about relationships and love' - trust me I can. It sometimes takes someone younger to help someone far older (no offence meant). Even though I'm young I've been through some serious hidious relationships, one of them even caused me to lose my driving licence. The last relationship I had I was 'dump' over the phone 10 minutes before a vital examination; I got depressed and I felt suicidal. I'm now sat here trying to help someone who, if they don't sort out their relationship will get themselves into the same position that I was in. You have an excellent daughter who (and trust me on this) will support you. Get rid of him and get back out there and meet someone else, it is possible and you will feel better for it in the long run :)

[dizmouk2009]

MarkRae have you ever used match.com?
I'm assuming you must have since you're advising someone to use that site.

[MarkRae]

No, I just gave it (and eHarmony) as examples of such sites, as I've seen them advertised on television... You will probably recall their advertising campaign last year along the lines of "We've got too many men" followed by "Now we've got too many women"...

[cherrychapstick]

Bubbly please don't put yourself down like that!!

You are with a guy who doesn't stay with you,you actually sound as if you are the same as him sorry if you don't agree but this guy wants to move in with you ,although you are the one saying he can't till he is divorced,maybe this is where his problem lies as you are letting your 16 year old daughters b/f stay under your roof but wont let your partner move in ,i think both of you should seek counseling to try and work out all of your issues together and them maybe both of you will have a chance at being happy together


Cherry x

[bubbly2000]

dizmouk2009... an old head on such young shoulders. I almost feel ashamed for bleating on. my girl is an absolute gem, all she wants is for her mom to be happy & settled. She said just the other day " he's (my b/f) ok mom, but he's not for you...another old head on such young shoulders

[dizmouk2009]

My advice, don't use Match.com, simples.

Use directdating or datingdirect (both the same but they do own both addresses).

I've used both sites and match.com is terrible compared to directdating. Match.com doesn't have a built in messenger so you can only communicate via email. The email messages are scanned so you can't write your email address in the subject field. The only way of getting round this would be to substitute '7' for 't' and 'at' for 'at' which, some people don't understand.

[Captin Kirk]

don't be too harsh on the OP guys ...

[dizmouk2009]

bubbly she could be saying that for two reason, both of which still mean doing the same thing, getting rid.

She could be saying that because she truly believes that he isn't right for you, or feels that he is hurting you emotionally (which he is). Or, she could be saying it because she doesn't like him herself. Either way still two perfectly good reasons to open your eyes and kick him to kingdom come!

[MarkRae]

> My advice, don't use Match.com

I bow to your superior knowledge on the subject. If and when I ever need the services of such sites, I'll bear your advice in mind.

[bubbly2000]

cherrychapstick...i think u may be missing the point.He dosen't agree with my daughters b/f staying over in seperate rooms, but he's happy to stay here and also wants to move in here but not get divorced. Double standards spring to mind. I have suggested councelling, but he dosen't agree with that either.

[dizmouk2009]

MarkRae thanks but it doesn't look amazing does it, lol. I know alot about dating websites which means I'm useless at finding a good relationship. Maybe I shouldn't of said anything! :)

[bubbly2000]

Thanks for the suggestion but dating is the last thing on my mind at the moment, however, I will bear it in mind for future reference

[dizmouk2009]

You do that bubbly! good luck and I hope you do the right thing for you, and your daughter. Have a nice evening :)

[bubbly2000]

Many thanks to eveyone, I feel better in the knowledge that as I suspected, I am, after all quite normal with a great kid. My disfunctional b/f is now an ex......goodnight

[bubbly2000]

well soon to be when i tell him tomorrow

[dizmouk2009]

Take care x

[cherrychapstick]

I wouldn't say double standards as such i realize he doesn't want your daughters b/f staying (although this is really none of his business ) sorry didn't want to be to harsh when i wrote my 1st comment re-writ it twice !! double standards would be if he would stay at your parents house with you ,but back to the point get out of that relationship he sounds like he is controlling you from afar ,don't go for dating sites your in your 30's get out and enjoy yourself you are young and need a life !!!!!!,how long is it before you daughters b/f gets kicked out of the house and you let him move in ? btw it happens no matter what their parents are like btw are they sleeping together in his families home ?