Advice sought

[lynbrown]

My daughter has been living with her partner for 3 years. She is about to sell her own flat ( rented out at present) and hand him several thousand pounds to pay off his mortgage, as he hasnt worked for 2 years and is struggling. She has a good job but would like a baby. He is reluctant to marry until he gets a job like the one he used to have. He is mid forties and I dont think he will ever get a job like that again - too few jobs, too little competition. I would love them to marry, especially if a baby comes but am scared my daughter loses out if they should split. Can anyone give me convincing reasons why it is in the womans best interest to be married legally? I feel if he takes her money, he should be prepared to marry her.

[lynbrown]

I should have said too MUCH competition.

[dothawkes31]

How can he still be puit of work after 2 years when he's 40? That sounds ridiculous. Plus he should be getting his mortgage part paid anyway if he has been unemployed that long.

[Androcles]

Just reading your story has warning bells ringing.......She sells her flat and gives him the cash (or a least a substantial sum). She has a job but wants a baby. He has no job and doesnt want to get married until he has one like he had before, but has not been able to get for two years. So what happens if he gets his mortgage paid off, she has a baby and no income (or maternity pay of some sort i.e. a lot less), is unmarried with no home of her own and a baby, he still has no job or any chance of getting one and decides he is off.......

I am not saying he would but she really ought to do the what if......

[lucca]

I have to agree with Androcles - it sounds very shaky to me. Why hasn't he worked for 2 years? If they had a baby, is he planning to be "housedad" and look after it while your daughter continues working? Does he want to be a dad? You're already expressing concerns "if they should split". Sorry to sound pessimistic but it doesn't bode well.

[Teleph0ne]

Instead of giving him the money why doesn't she buy into his house and get her name on the deeds as joint owner, she would stand more chance of getting her money back that way than if they married.

[S_C]

marriage should be something the two concerned feel they want . if one or other is unsure about getting married for what ever reasons it is in noone best interest for them to be married . i would also point out that pushing someone towards something they feel unready / unsure about usualy makes them shy away from it all the more, where it comes to marriage and life long commitment i would let things run there own course and things will either work out or simply fade away.


as for the flat , if the rent being recieved for the flat is less than the morgage " if there is a morgage " and therefore the flat is a finacial strain then it would make sence to offload this , however as there seems to be an amount od doubt towards the stability of the relationship even as a drain on the resources , selling a potencial retreat/ home maybe not in the best interests of your daughter.
If she is to sell her flat and hand over thousands of pounds in cash she should expect to have it done legally and have her name placed on the property ownership. this would then help prevent him walking of with her hard earned cash.
hope this helps.

[lynbrown]

Thanks all. very helpful.

[whitelady]

Hi, I think it might be a good idea if he got his property valued and she buys out 50% when she gets her flat sold , that way it would go into joint names and should anything happen between them, a break up or even death as none if us know the day , then she would be entitled to half of the value. By just handing him money to pay off HIS mortgage she has nothing to show for her money. I certainly would not give my money over , if married maybe but living together no!! I live in sin myself and have done for 20 years but we live in my property and my solicitor got him to sign that he does not have an interest in it. He has no problems with that. As I am not intending to have a family I am not worried about marriage but if I was young and wanting to have a baby I would definately want to be married and with the house in joint names then there would be the child to leave her share to in later life too which makes it all easy. They could afford a small wedding if she buys her share as he would have some money from that. I hope it works out for her soon.

[whitelady]

Was just thinking what is wrong with this man that he has not got a job , should it be driviing, delivery man or even bar work. It would certainly be a lot better than sitting on his A.. at home doing nothing!! maybe he is happier on benefits and getting his mortgage interest paid. He will definately get his interest paid, is he telling your daughter the whole truth?

[momcj]

OMG if she is selling her flat to pay his mortgage she needs to become a joint owner on his place or basically if it goes belly up she will be homeless!!!

[Yorky Lass]

What benefit is he receiving? If your daughter is working full time he certainly will not be able to claim an Income based benefit and therefore will not get any help with his mortgage payments. There appears to be the assumption that if you are on benefits you get your mortgage interest paid, this is totally incorrect. The benefit MUST be an income related benefit.

[mat2010]

I think she would be foolish to hand over any substantial amount of money with out securing it legally first, however she feels about her partner, if he has any respectfor her then he shouldnt have a problem with doing this, if he trys to talk her out of keeping her money safe then he's obviously got another motive? but basically if theres some money involved then maybe she should have a chat with a solicitor or at least the citizens advice bureau, to know where she stands legally, who knows what to future holds???

[Whoever]

I think your daughter needs to go and talk to a solicitor to get some serious legal advice before she even contemplates taking such a risky step. I cannot think of one single reason why what she is contemplating could be regarded as a risk-free strategy.

He is unemployed and apparently likely to remain so.
He doesn't want to get married.
He's expecting her to pay his mortgage off for him with no guarantee of her having any financial interest in the property?

Sounds like a potential recipe for disaster to me. If they split up, he would be laughing all the way to the bank, and she could end up homeless, possibly with a baby, nothing to show for all her years of working and with an unemployed Ex who might not support her and her child who is then free to shack up with somebody else enjoying the fruits of your daughter's labours.