Is My Wife Having An Affair?

[Ploppy1999]

My wife decided to play match maker with her work mate (male) and our school friend, i thought it was a nice idea and didn't think anything more of it. I found out since that they have been texting each other every day, she set the date up and it went well but they too have developed a friendship. When i found out that they were sending messages to each other every day 6/7am right through until 11/12pm i got a little upset. I don't know this work mate nor have never met him. My wife assures me she loves me and isn't having an affair but she refuses to place any boundies. I don't like it and asked he behaves like a normal friend and keep to solically acceptable times, i don't want to tell her who she can and can't be friends with but it just feels wierd that a man i don't know is messaging my wife every day. I asked he stop whilst we were on holiday and she didn't stop him, so when a message came in at 11.30pm i got cross and replied on her phone demanding he stop. my wife got mad with me for ruining her solical life. the messages calmed down for a few weeks but its started again, now my wife has turned her phone onto silent or she will hide it thinking i won't notice. I've read a few messages when she's gone to bed and it is just friendly chat.. he tries to flirt but i can see she ignores it. My wife goes to the gym with her mother every friday whilst i stay home with the children the last message is on about him joining the same gym. I don't want to fall out with my wife, i feel my paranoia could be making things worse but i just want it to stop. should i be this worried?

[Ken4155]

She may have deleted the ones she doesn't want her husband to see, ummmm?
Only until you have a full and frank conversation with your wife, will you find peace of mind. You must tell her how uncomfortable you feel that this guy is texting her 24/7 and ask how she would feel if the boot was on the other foot. Don't make any demands but suggest that she tell her friend late night texts are not encouraged. If she cannot see your point of view, then it may be your relationship with her that you need to examine.

[spathiphyllum]

Is he a big lad?

Go knock on his door about 11:30pm at night, ask him if that's an acceptable time to have a little chat. When he says no, tell him well apparently he feels it's acceptable with your wife.

If (As ken says) the boot was on the other foot, she would not be happy. Putting her new found social life with her new man friend before your happiness is not on. If it happened to me, i'd be feeling rather miffed.

You wife is happy to let this texting fling affect your marriage?

Is her new mate really that important in her life?

[Smowball]

Lol@spath!
Seriously tho If he is just a mate then why is he texting so often?? My best friends have jobs etc!! They don’t have time to txt more then once or twice a day!

[spathiphyllum]

It is odd isn't is smow..

Ploppy, if your wife was a social butterfly, texting multiple friends it would make sense to some extent.

If she is only texting this man, that means he's currently her focus of the day, i hate to say it, but more than you especially if she's hiding away with it. That is not right and not fair on you.

Maybe take her out for a nice meal, then talk about it then

[Smowball]

I think she isn’t having an affair but is flattered by the attention. Still doesn’t make it right. Yo really need to talk to her properly. If it was me in your shoes I’d be really upset too.

[spathiphyllum]

"An affair is a sexual relationship, romantic friendship, or passionate attachment between two people without the attached person's significant other knowing."

There may be no sex.. but it's certainly borderline.

[spathiphyllum]

But ploppy knows about it soo..

But as ken says there may be texts and conversations and vibes he doesn't know about.

[spathiphyllum]

How many wifes would happily allow their husbands to keep their focus in their phones knowing that they're just texting another woman who has feelings for them???

I'll tell you... None.

[pumpjack]

She's leaving her phone unattended for you to read her messages so I doubt she has anything to hide.

lmao :))))))

she is at her work, she is guilty, she has no respect for you, grow a set and confront him !

[Ploppy1999]

As much as i would like to punch him in the face i don't know him nor am i big lad so its not really an option

[ummmm]

My phone shows texts as a conversation so it'll be pretty easy to see if messages were missing.

[Rockrose]

I think it is you with the problem, there is no affair going on here, you are just jealous!!
Grow up!

[Smowball]

Whatever’s happening she isn’t considering your feelings.

[jackthehat]

Lots of chest-beating from the chaps on here.....women aren't the property of their husbands.

Ask your wife to talk with you about what is going on and tell her how you are feeling; that her behaviour is causing you to feel insecure and that is provoking you to behave in a way that you find uncomfortable.
This issue in your life will only be resolved by talking *not* by going and thumping your 'love-rival'.

[spathiphyllum]

"women aren't the property of their husbands. "

Yes they are. Just like men are the property of their wife's. You take each other, that's why you get married. Not to go off and text other men day in day out.

[spathiphyllum]

"I think it is you with the problem, there is no affair going on here, you are just jealous!! "
What kind of man / husband wouldn't be jealous about his own wifes attention being taken by another man?


Don't worry Ploppy i don't think it's you with the problem.

[Rockrose]

I am not my husband property nor he mine!
Tbh I doubt if she is texting as much as he states as he is clearly paranoid

[ummmm]

Rubbish, Spath.

[spathiphyllum]

"I am not my husband property nor he mine! "

Then he is not your husband. He is just a married man.

Did you not TAKE your husband, to Have and to hold?

[Rockrose]

//Don't worry Ploppy i don't think it's you with the problem//

That’s enough to cause anyone to worry!