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Believe It Or Not.....

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crazygirly | 20:48 Sat 31st May 2014 | Family & Relationships
13 Answers
Hi all

My partner has been with me for 11 years. We had our first child a year ago. Back in august of last year, i started checking my partners online mobile billing and saw numbers i didnt recognise. i started having thoughts that my partner was seeing the neighbour as id been talking to her who said she had mnet someone but her with this because the man she met had got a new family. A couple of days later i overheard her speaking to her sister on the phone and my neighbour said to her "i know she knows somethings going on, im not being paranoid" as id heard sexual moans and as i live in a terraced house, the walls are very thin. I ended up going round at 3am one morning and i kicked my neighbours door an asked her to let my partner out of her house, she called the police who gave me a telling off. Later that morning following the incident, i then heard her on the phone again to her sister saying "well its too late now, i f****d his for 8 hrs solid, she has never done that.

I ended up going to the psychiatric ward for a week in december as id been having thoughts of my partner also having someone in my house. Back in august id set my mobile to record whilst i went shopping and he looked after our son and discovered the recording to sound like someone was having sex in my living room, he denies it.

The other night, i went in the shower and after a while of not setting my phone to record audio whilst in the shower, i then played the audio through my headphones, only to discover that whilst i was in the shower my partner had been having sex but discreetly as i can hear on the audio. my partner had just got out the shower and was sat in pyjama bottoms n had bare feet, i have laminate flooring and on the audio, footsteps as someone with footwear on can be heard **my partner usually just sits on the settee flicking the TV over and doesnt usually budge from that position**I hear my froont door opening carefully i hear a female voice for a split second, i hear him whispering, something about me in the shower and then on the audio, you hear me coming down the stairs and then there is some scuffling on the audio recording and then on the audio he asks me, "have you been in the shower", i say "yes" and then he says "you were quick". I confronted him about what i had heard on the audio and lent over to him to put my hand down his pyjama bottoms, hoping i could get some clue, he ripped my hand very quickly and forcefully away, he then went into the kitchen and ran the tap, what he did in the kitchen, i could see as i stayed in the living room.

After leaving the ward back in december, i am medication, Olanzapine and Fluoxetine anti-depressants. i have told his mum about my latest discovery but she refuses to believe me. I understand that it sounds very daring of my partner to have someone in the house but surely the audio cannot lie. I feel very alone in all this as no one is listening to me whilst my partner gets away with it.

The other eveing when my partner had walked out at teatime, i then heard the next door neighbour moaning sexually, so im thinking it may have been my partner with her. I dont know what i can do to make people beleive me, any suggestions.

Hope you can help.


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I can't help, I'm afraid. This is all beyond me.
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The partner is now an ex partner as he is the one making me poorly, when he has said that he wants me to get better.
Invite your neighbour and her boyfriend out for a drink or a meal with you and your boyfriend to say sorry for being so paranoid. See who turns up.
It's unclear what you are asking for here, emotional support or creative ways to find out for sure if someone is/was cheating on you.

In any case neither will help you very much, try to focus your energies on keeping strong relationships you DO have, those with with your son and mum and try to put other things to the side. Not easy to do by any means but to heal yourself you have to focus on yourself and the positive things and people in your life, not the negatives.

Good luck :)
i don't really understand why you have to get people to believe you? The more you try to convince people, the crazier and more unhinged you sound.
i don't get if this is a person you are currently seeing, or you've kicked him out now? wasn't he your ex earlier this year/last year, or have 2 people treated you like this? Is this the same person you were having doubts about 18 months ago? How can you wear headphoens in the shower?
There's an old but very true saying.

"Don't wash your dirty linen in public"!

Just leave him.....cite adultery, take half and go.
From what you've said, is it possible that you are still not very well and imagining these things? Or seeing too much into a situation that isn't really there? When you kicked the neighbours door in and said let my boyfriend out, she wasn't holding him hostage, he was there willingly, it takes two to tango. So if all this turns out to be correct, kick him out and concentrate on yourself and your child. If he is cheating do you want to be with someone like that?
Sorry I can not help either. This is beyond me too.
there is a reason you are taking are clearly paranoid. no normal person records their partner, sticks their hand down their trousers and keeps tabs on where they are and what their neighbours are doing. you will obviously keep doing this until you get 'proof', but in the meantime you are going to drive yourself doolally. if you do not trust your partner - the normal thing to do is finish the relationship and concentrate on getting yourself better. by doing the activities you are describing, you are playing into everybody else's hands and confirming the behaviour of somebody who is paranoid and needs help. you need to recover, regain your mental health, concentrate on yourself and then embark on a relationship with somebody you do trust - if you do not do any of these, then your life will continue to struggle on in the messy way you describe above. i have mental health problems and am a psych nurse - so do know exactly what you are describing and experiencing - the only way to regain control is to take your meds and reduce your symptoms to a manageable level where you can function healthily in a new relationship. can you imagine how your partner must feel if he is actually doing nothing wrong and you are constantly accusing him of infidelity, lying and sneaking around? and your neighbour?

to be frank, most people do not have the time or energy to sneak around to the extent that you have described.....and it sounds like you need to take stock of your life. however.....if you feel that you absolutely must have evidence of your suspicions, purchase a concealed camera with audio functions and use this instead of your mobile. there are plenty on the market that can be hidden in a room and they are fairly easy to use. that way, you will have absolutely rock solid pictures and sound of what is occurring.....and this may also help you face the fact that you are/or aren't going completely nuts. i can't make you decide which option you are going to follow, but they are the two things i would consider doing myself. good luck with things.
Read read read, no point in tormenting yourself....what will be will be User Recommendation
I agree with Icg, you don't need to get peolle to believe you, you need to take your medication, at the very least have a break from your partner anc get well again. Ylur sense of perspective does not sound likd it's at its best at the moment.
There's another thread 'what a mess I'm in' going as well, same OP.

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