Does your child have a pretend friend?

[tigwig]

My 4yr old does! She pretends that a new girl at school is with her constantly. She lives with us, goes out with us, gets dressed at the same time and even gets a bath and goes to the toilet with my daughter! You get the picture. Now I have heard of kids having pretend friends before but she seems obsessed by it and it is a tad embarrassing when she calls her 'friend' loudly when we are out and really there is no one there! Do you think this is a problem in anyway?

[Maypole]

Maybe she is just invisible and not pretend

Get IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW by Cecilia Ahern out of the library and give it a read.

Might put your mind at rest (and see things from the other point of view lol) ;o)

[echokilo]

I had one when I was 5 - remember it clearly - he was called Algernon and lived in the front pocket of my Kagoole .... (can't believe I am owning up to this) I wouldn't worry - I know other kids who have one - she will grow out of it and being so creative is meant to be a sign of high intelligence (not sure this applied in my case though!!!!) I don't think it's anything to worry about to be honest - I turned out OK (I think!!) Can see how it must be embarrassing though - if it's getting too you try some reverse psychology .... keep talking to the imaginery friend, include her in everything, saw her invisible meals ahead of your daughter and I bet she will soon get bored of it, as it may not be so "cool" any more!! Worth a go if it's really bothering you.

[JB]

I had an imaginary dog (apparently - I can't remember!) My mum thinks its hilarious when I call my dogs now (real ones!) as it totally takes her back to when I was little, crouching down, slapping my thighs and shouting for 'Blackie' at the top of my lungs. I wouldn't worry about her being obsessed, according to my mum, our house was totally controlled by 'Blackie' - when he needed walking, feeding etc........

[Ice.Maiden]

Personally, I think children who have imaginary friends turn out to have wonderful imaginations as they get older (no bad thing at all!).
My sons used to have them...although whether they were pretend or not's another story.
I never felt embarrassed when our eldest used to tell his pal to hurry up, when we were out shopping. He'd even ask if x could have some sweets as well, and I used to play along with him, and make some excuse for saying no.
Let your daughter play this out, and don't make a fuss about it. x

[20SilkCut]

I have to admit to having a pretend friend as well. As the only girl with 3 brothers, living in the wilds of the countryside, i guess i needed some female company. I think my pretend friend appeared round the time my granny died. I've turned out ok (i think, lol). My family all thought it was funny and welcomed my little friend. And yes, one of the other posters said kids with pretend friends turn out quite creative - true. Also they help kids deal and work out various life scenarios, at least thats what some of the child developmentalists say. Finally, i dont think it is a problem - eventually as your child gets older, makes new friends etc, the pretend friend will slowly be forgotten about.

[EngTeach]

I have a pretend husband!! LOL

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with this. Imaginary friends are there for as long as the child needs them. Maybe she wants to be this girl's friend very badly and creates scenarios where they are friends. Perhaps she will feel better prepared to attempt a friendship with her.

[Ice.Maiden]

I agree SC, and creative was the word I was looking for, I suppose.
My eldest son's a prolific reader, and rarely mention the word "bored" because he uses his imagination to devise games and so on. He's good at drama, and a confident speaker, so HIS imaginary friend never did him any harm at all.

[20SilkCut]

Found some research i did a while back for some Uni stuff on imaginery friends....hope its helpful....

"make-believe pals are a way of exploring reality," says Marjorie Taylor, author of Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them. "They help kids work through dilemmas�.

"the child is capable of abstract thought and can create make-believe worlds," explains Susan Newman., author of Parenting an Only Child: The Joys & Challenges of Raising Your One & Only. She says �40% of kids have made up a sidekick by age 7. After that, many children outgrow their "pal," or at least stop speaking about him openly. it's not just lonely, isolated kids who invent companions. While only children and firstborns with far-younger siblings are somewhat likelier to do it, "even kids from large families have them,"

Nor are children with imaginary friends destined to be loners. Quite the opposite: "Typically, they like to socialize, so when nobody's available, they make up someone," explains Tracy Gleason, professor of psychology at Wellesley College, Massachusetts.

Dr Taylor also says that �make-believe buddies are associated with positive personality traits, and that kids who have them display a better ability than their peers to see things from another person's perspective. Also studies show these kids have higher language scores, play well with other children, and ultimately have more friends�.

above quotes from http://www.parents.com/parents/story.jhtml?*** ****=/templatedata/parents/story/data/5811.xml &catref=prt34

Jean Piaget, pioneer of cognitive psychology, relegated pretend friends to the immature stage of "magical thinking," which children needed to outgrow to achieve cognitive competence.

01:13 Fri 19th Sep 2008

[Diz]

My sister had a pretend friend for years, she eventually went to America (the friend not my sister) and that was the last we heard of her. I don't think its anything to worry about in fact why not have some fun and join in with her ask what her friend is doing and about her family, we used to get all sorts of stories about my sisters friend. It may develop her creative side!

[zzxxee]

there is nothing wrong both my girls had imaginary friends at this age. my eldest who is now at college had stinky laura who lived in the wheelie bin and i had to cook her a meal at tea time. my youngest who is 11 had sammy the seal who forced her to go swimming with her clothes on in puddles they grow out of it dont worry

[tigwig]

Thanks everyone you have made me feel alot better! It doesn't really bother me I was just concerned it would get out of control. The thing that is a bit sad is that she may be doing it because she is an only child (although I am trying desperately to get pregnant again!) and is lonely. The pretend friend is actually a real friend at school she just pretends she lives with us! I would hate to think she is only doing this because she doesn't like being by herself I would prefer to think she's doing it to be creative.

[mumof3angels]

All 3 of mine have had imaginary friends. My daughter's was Jeff from the Wiggles and Barry and Paul from the Chuckle Brothers. My elder son had a complete imaginary friend called Jam who had purple hair, green skin and wore a red tshirt and blue checked trousers. He would go on about what he and Jam would get up to. His imagination was fantastic. My younger son has imaginary friend called Harry ( a little boy in his class at school). The older 2 have grown out of it, and so will the younger one. It's quite sad really when they don't mention them anymore!

[20SilkCut]

lol at mumof3angels....because your kids were talking about their imaginary friends all the time you probably thought you had a whole houseful of children...i can just imagine you buying for 6 kids at the supermarket....lol

[evedawn]

okay so this might sound weird but here's a TOTALLY TRUE story...

Years ago a friends three year old son was playing in his bedroom when the mum overheard him talking to his little "girlfriend" (the daughter of another friend). she asked him what he was on about as clearly she was not there...Ross said that the little girl had come to play one last time before she had to say "goodbye".

My friend ignored this and though nothing of it, thinking it just kiddies imagination...

But later discovered the little girl had died in a motor vehicle accident that same afternoon.

Now I KNOW this sounds like urban legend but it is true. The firend who it concerned is not the overtly suspicious sort and it freaked her out big time.

Weird!

[mumof3angels]

20silkcut you've hit the nail on the head- my 3 make it feel like 6.LOL.

[mumof3angels]

OMG evedawn you've just sent goosebumps down my back!

[know-noknow]

yep that's urban legend stuff

[evedawn]

no honest know-noknow. I realise it sounds like urban legend but this time it is NOT. (and I would've thought the same as you if I didn't know the family it concerned.) Some things are simply inexplicable.....

[MustangLady]

hi tigwig, my 5 yr old niece has an imaginery friend for couple yrs now (her friend has a name called Honey), her imaginery friend also has recently acquired 2 sisters that she has also named. She can tell you so much about her 'friend' as she is so real life. She has dinner with the family, she goes to her school, she plays with her, she baths/showers with her and all my family talk about her as though it is a 'real' friend. My niece will often blame her friend for silly things, life for instance, my niece will suddenly out of the blue say 'ouch' and when you ask her what is wrong, she'll say that Honey just pinched her or hit her and we have to tell Honey off. This is very normal... my niece is also very intelligent for her age and eventually she will grow out of it. Give it time and play along with it, eventually she will grow out of it.

[shylock73]

Get the kid a puppy.