How do i put it?

[cartman99]

My daughter lives with her mother, she is 7. My daughter confided in me this weekend about an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago, her mother was passed out on the sofa after drinking and couldnt be woken until after 11pm. This adds to a growing list of problems that concerns me, problem is her mother has such a firery temper that i dont know how to approach it, ive kept quiet about other incidents but i feel i need to say something about this. The problem is that her mother will just stop me seeing my daughter as punishment or give my daughter a hard time about it. Rock and a hard place, I cant keep quiet about this thou. Anyone in a similar position

[Neilzulu1]

tell her straight if she dont book her ideas up you will step in,at the end of the day its all about your little girls welfare,she cant stop you from seeing your daughter,if you are not happy about this go through the courts...good luck

[efc]

You mention a growing list of problems that concern you.
Don't leave it till its too late! Do something about it whilst you can. You owe it to your daughter to do your best for her.
What if your daughter had urgently needed help at the time in question?
Speak to her mother and take it further if need be!
Good Luck.

[cartman99]

Yeah, but on there own they dont add upto much.

She spent 3 days at a friends house because her mum was unwell, she didnt have a change of underwear.

She gets given sandwhiches for tea, when thats what she has had for lunch.

She spends a lot of time at a friend of her mothers who sleeps all the time and leaves her with her 10 year old son

Her mother has had problems with alcohol in the past, i think they have returned. Its not that she is a bad person, i know she loves our daughter deeply.

She recently lost her own mother and i think she is reeling from it.

[Neilzulu1]

cant your daughter stay with you for a bit,it sounds to me like she cant cope,ok she lost her mother but wouldnt that make her a stronger person and give all her attention to her little girl,she needs to stop the drink,make sure she doesnt go to her friends house,and leave her there,and cook her decent meals,bath her and clean clothes (and so on and so on)this little girl needs looking after properly make sure social services dont get a whiff of this,and make sure that 10 year old boy doesnt look after her again.good luck

[efc]

cartman99 - why don't you try talking to her the same way as you've just put your last post!
It certainly sounds as though you are concerned but also want to help. If you talk to her in the same way then surely she'll see that you want to help and it won't cause trouble.

[Mammar]

My heart goes out to you but you are right. You can't ignore this as your child's safety seems compromised by the current situation.
Is it just since her mother's death that your ex has had these problems? If so, there's every chance that the situation will improve but it still needs to be mentioned.
If you talk to your ex quietly and tell her you understand the effect her loss has had on her, surely she'll listen. After all, you both love your daughter and have her well-being at heart.
All the very best - hope it gets sorted quickly

[WendyS]

I do think you need to take action because your daughter is too young to take care of herself if there were an emergency and your wife was comatose with alcohol. You say that she has recently lost her mother, who perhaps was the person she leaned on most after your relationship broke up and she is probably grieving deeply and is unable to resist the lure of alcohol again.
I think perhaps the way to handle this is to perhaps try and talk to her in a neutral setting (a nice restaurant perhaps?) where she can't lose her temper if you mention the concerns you have. Perhaps offer to have your daughter stay with you more for a little while so she can have the space to gt her emotions back under control. Maybe if she realises that her daughter is expressing concerns about "Mummy not being well" she might realise that the situation is getting a little out of control and take steps to put things right. And if she realises that your daughter might talk about these lapses to friends or teachers who might contact Social Services to intervene, she could be persuaded to try and get her life back on track.

[justjuice]

Suggest to your daughter that she confide in someone in school - they have a duty of care and would have to look at it as a child protection issue - they would involve other agencies and you would then be given your say without being the bad guy! Her Mother would then be given the opportunity to get the help she obviously needs to be a proper Mum.

[cartman99]

Thank you all, x

[carmelbaby]

Y shouldnt get u get your daughter to move in with you??? But she just mite need to be there for her mother and her if she still lives her mother....

[ncjames7048]

Ok - here is my honest warts-and-all answer

Your child can not defend herself against the way her mother behaves - YOU CAN! Her mothers behaviour is totally not on, that little girl NEEDS her care and if she is doing these sort of things and neglecting her WHY havent you told Social Services.

It is YOUR JOB, and in fact ANY adults jb if children are being neglected to speak up for them - they have small mouths as children which cant be heard - PLEASE inform the authorities and let them decide if it is neglet. What would you do and how would you feel if your little one hurt themselves whilst being looked after by the ten year old and yu didnt say anything because "You didnt want to make a fuss"

For goodness sake geet a grip and do something about it and sod the consequences, you can sort those out when your child is safe!

Good luck.

[cartman99]

dude, you have me wrong, i have spoken out, i wanted advice on how to put it.

[lizzydrippin]

I think you already know that however you 'put it' when you speak to your ex she'll be straight on to the defensive and it'll turn into a big row. Someone else needs to deal with the situation and what on earth makes you think that its totally up to your ex as to whether you get to see your daughter or not? If she's really capable of punishing you like that or giving your daughter a hard time then it really is about time you put your daughter first and took action. She has to take absolute priority, she's only 7.

[cartman99]

lizzy, you are just so right, it has all kicked off this weekend,

Im ignorant as to what my rights are and yes she would withhold her from me to get at me. See my other question.