What Is People's Opinions Please?

[chelsea_girl]

My son who is 20, and his 19 year old partner have a three week old baby. After a heated argument last weekend I have been told I'm no longer welcome and nor are the family. They ignore any messages I send to them and refuse to let me see my grandchild. They have no fixed abode, just going between the girl's parents each week. What is my best course of action?

[fiction-factory]

Give them some time.
Perhaps just send a card saying Sorry (if appropriate) and Thinking of You

[naomi24]

It depends what the argument was about and what was said. There is no simple way to build bridges when harsh words are spoken and people harbour anger. Perhaps if you write to them explaining your position, and apologising if you think an apology from you is in order, they'll think about the decision they've made and reconsider.

[Sqad]

\\\\They ignore any messages I send to them and refuse to let me see my grandchild. \\\\

That wouldn't bother me one jott, but when they become grandmothers,most women throw reason out of the house and take on the task of a doting grandmother............can't understand it.

However, in your situation, I would sit back and see what transpires....difficult for you, i do appreciate, however in the case of a 20yr old and a 19yr old who know all there is to know about parenting, poking your nose in will just inflame the situation further.

[B00]

" What is my best course of action? "

None.

They'll need you before you need them- leave them to stew.

[TWR]

No fixed abode, going between the girls parents each week, will not belong now before they are asking you for money, just remember what they said to you on the day of the argument.

[ummmm]

I agree with B00.

[Islay]

Nothing you can do, you have no legal rights.

If and when they let you see the grandchild again - bite your tongue and keep your opinions to yourselves.

[naomi24]

//remember what they said to you on the day of the argument. //

We don't know that they were in the wrong - perhaps the OP was at fault. This is why I say it depends what the argument was about. The problem is as time goes by rifts become more difficult to resolve. If you do nothing, before you know it years have passed and they are never resolved. Life’s too short for that. If it were me, I wouldn't be thinking solely of the grandchild - I would be concerned about losing my son. I can think of little worse that being estranged from a child. I would be distraught.

[ummmm]

It hasn't been long either.

[SlackAlice]

I'm with Boo on this one.

[jennyjoan]

How about years of 8 estrangement - daughter-in-law refuses to let gparents see them and I personally think too much water under the bridge. Gparents are devastated because they practically reared these children.

[Cloverjo]

I agree with most others here. Leave them for a while to struggle on. It's tough being new parents at any time, but even more so at 19 and 20 with no proper home. Then send a note apologising, even if you weren't in the wrong. Hopefully, in time they'll come back to you.

[Old_Geezer]

Concur with most of the advice given. Last weekend is insufficient time to realise consequences after calming down. Whilst you could write, IMO the ball is in their court. Let them work out what they've lost and start to make overtures. If they are still being stubborn and unwilling to make the first move, say, 45 days from now, you could always try a simple letter asking how they're getting on in the hope that, that icebreaker triggers a conciliatory response.

[naomi24]

A friend of mine was in a similar situation. She left it. Eight years later every day brings sadness to her. How futile is stubbornness? What a waste of time - and life.

[ummmm]

I couldn't imagine it.

[Cloverjo]

I agree, Naomi. It's so sad. There is a branch of my family that never speak to each other. I don't understand it. Life is way too short for all this. Thankfully my cousin decided to make up with her father just before he died, but what a waste of time and opportunities. Sorry, chelsea_girl.

[Islay]

Depends on what the argument was about really - If and I say if Chelsea was being an overbearing MIL then she has to be really careful because her son and DIL may never letter her back in! I know I have been there and there are times I wish I had never let the noxious poison back in my life.

[VHG]

Well we don't know what the argument was about so hard to comment.

Maybe you, or one of your family, tried to give some advice to a young couple that maybe was taken the wrong way or was seen as interfering.

Or maybe the girlfriend is trying to separate your son from his family so she can have him for herself (my first wife was like that, hated me having a big family and other friends and tried to separate me from them by always moaning about them).

But the two of them are only 19 and 20 and just had a child and nowhere to live so it will be a tough worrying time for them.

I would write a loving note to your son and his girlfriend saying how pleased you are they have a child and that you are always there if they need help or support. Say sorry for the argument (even if it was not your fault) and hope they eventually come round.

I would also get your son on his own for a good talk to find out if everything is all right and that the girlfriend or her family are not putting any pressure on him. On his own he can talk more freely.

But it is a difficult situation so tread carefully.

[Khandro]

You need an intermediary to talk to them, possibly a priest, but that may not apply?

[woofgang]

Well if you want to get back together, say sorry, no explanations, no “my position” say sorry you lost your temper, sorry for what you said. Then wait. Are you in touch with girlfriends parents?