Would You Make A 12 Year Old Tidy His Room?

[magsmay]

Two differing opinions here between me and OH - the floor of son 's room is terminally covered in various things -clothes ,plastic bags -lego he's been playing with -his computer desk covered in various electronic equipment charging up and his bed an explosion of duvet ,dirty underwear and usually about three pairs of pyjamas in various states of cleanliness. He has a laundry bag but can't be bothered to throw his dirty laundry into it. I usually go ballistic about once a fortnight and threaten to put everything in a plastic bin liner and put it in the garden -OH says I'm over reacting and its his room -if he wants to live like that that's his prerogative - just close the door and when he runs out of clean clothes, or loses something he will tidy things up. I reply it's my duty as a parent to make him realise a tidy environment is both psychologically and hygienically important - who is right?

[ummmm]

My dad, who would be 64 if he was alive, was a clean freak. He came into my house just after we'd finished dinner and had a go at me about the state of the kitchen!!!

[ludwig]

Tell him that when he gets his own house he can live how he wants but as long as he's in yours he has to follow certain rules.

Don't have big rows about it, just withold priveleges if he doesn't comply.

Tell your OH, that if he doesn't like it he can share the 12 year old's room rather than yours.

[EvianBaby]

I think I'm a bit like that. Unless it's my own mess.

I think some people just don't see mess/dirt. Or just don't care.

[ChillDoubt]

Simple strategy is:
If it ain't in the linen basket, it won't get washed.
He'll learn in 7-10 days time when his only choice of underwear is lying in the corner of his room.

Secondly, anything left on the floor that is not an item of clothing will be binned, not literally but actually. That generally sorts itself within 48 hours.

Thirdly, used crockery and cutlery will be placed on the bed.

He'll shortly become a teenager and thus, a young man. Set him on the right course now before it goes seriously awry!

[ruthandsam]

I'm still waiting for my 21 year old son to tidy his room. He does his own cooking, washing clothes and ironing and will dust and hoover the rest of the house if asked. His bedroom is a completely different story - a pigsty. I don't suppose he will change until he leaves home, if ever.

My 6 year daughter, however, loves tidying her room and is very proud of it.

Sorry I can't answer your question but I do feel for you!

[Hopkirk]

Ummmm, the rooms are their territory when they are in them.

When they are out we just walk in and collect any items that need collecting, make the beds and hoover.

No doubt you think that it is actually 'er indoors that does all this, but it is shared.

'er indoors is at work, and I am half way through the housework. After this cup of tea I am off to do the hoovering - daughter's bedroom first.

[magsmay]

ok -I'm back from my 25 mile round trip to get son supplies for his technology class tomorrow -having been told at 7.30am this morning what he needed...
Seems the general consensus is find a compromise. Public areas are already under marshal law -anything that sticks around getting in the way will be put in its proper place. Private spaces ie bedroom -I will stop nagging about the clothes not in the basket and make an announcement that anything in the basket will, out of the generosity of my heart -be washed,dried and put ready to be put away -anything on the floor will be left. As for 'stuff' this is where I agree with OH up to a certain extent -who am I to tell anyone, even a 12 year old -where the 'correct' place for his stuff is - he has book shelves but lots of books are laid flat on them with Xbox games piled on top -he has drawers jammed with 'stuff' -he keeps discovering things he'd forgotten about -I shall take a deep breath and leave it . The bed bug threat that is a good one -think I might download a pic of a bedbug and tell him that's what he'll be sleeping with if he doesn't tidy up. Thanks for the replies !

[ummmm]

Hop - you may have a point. My son has broken the hoover twice when I've made him clean his room.

[TWR]

Your House, your Rules, If you are silly enough for him get away with it, that's him for life & you "may" get comeback in his Future years?

[wardlaw]

///who is right?///

Quite simple IMHO, YOU ARE magsmay.

[anneasquith]

its your house, you want it clean. he is living in a tip. will you win the battle? i fear not :)

[joko]

'tidying up' and 'being tidy' are two very different things.

you can force him to tidy up all you like - and he will tidy up - but it wont make him become a tidy person.

some people are tidy others are not, and no amount of shouting etc will make him 'learn'

all you can do really is teach him stuff like, how to put a wash on himself, how to iron, how to sort whites, how to organise stuff into groups etc, give him tips etc - but you cannot make him a tidy person.

also stop doing it for him, he will soon sort it out himself - he is a kid, and kids think things just get done, so show him they dont.

any don't start telling him he is psychologically damaged!

Just because someone isn't interested in tidying up and is happy with mess doesn't make them have issues!

in fact, i have found that it is the neat freaks that seem to be more psychologically damaged and more issues than the messy people.

[magsmay]

joko wrote: //any don't start telling him he is psychologically damaged! //

What??? why would I call my son psychologically damaged? Damaged by Who?

[mrs.chappie]

Magsmay, sorry to go off topic, but who is the lady in your avatar? Fab pic.

[magsmay]

mrs chappie -its me! pictured in the abbey at Whitby , november 2012

[mrs.chappie]

Wow Magsmay, you look great!

[woofgang]

In your OP you said that you thought that a tidy environment was psycholgically important...I think that's where the "psychological damage" came from

[gness]

Mags...I have eased off now but I was once stupidly houseproud. When my son became a teen with lots of interest and hobbies his room became a mess. It drove me nuts but I would go in, grab anything obvious for the wash and change the bed...everything else I left.
At twenty he bought his own little starter home and by god was it immaculate! Not a thing out of place...I didn't know that he was able to hang up a towel in the bathroom.
I reckon that if they are brought up with standards and don't live in a midden it will be in there somewhere and come out when he has to look after himself....give him time...let him enjoy his mess and when it really matters what you have taught him will come to the fore.....bloody difficult I know but it gets easier...I promise....x

[Sharingan]

That's a very nice Goth / Steampunk look you've got going on there Mags xx

[magsmay]

@Mrs Chappie - thank you ;-)