Love online

[Teddy_boy]

I have joined many online sites to find a partner. But personally i find that at 51 years old and after a divorce a few years back , its very diffficult to form a lasting relationship. Many of the women i have met are so busy in their own working life that they are only looking for casual encounters. Call me old fashioned but i set out looking for love and as of yet after 6 months im no nearer. Yes i have been intimate with women.And found it very enjoyable. But im starting to think that either the women dont want to commit and then change their current lifestyle , or perhaps im only good enough for some casual meeting and im not worthy of a commitment from them. Im starting to feel cheap.When im alone i cry , and i know man shouldnt do this, but i feel like my life is empty.I have nothing and im just living day to day.Its like life is passing me by.I feel unwanted and surplus.People i work with think im a happy jolly guy , but really im very sad.Sometimes i go to bed and think that if i never wakened then noone would even know.Or care. When all i really want is a nice woman to spend my time with and grow old with.But i just cant find them.Am i just undesireable ?

[Teddy_boy]

Boxtops ithink it matters more to albaqwwerty than me .I seem to have upset her unintentionally.

[DaisyNonna]

Sqad, as a widow I do not regard my children or grandchildren as baggage. No. I am not looking for a meal ticket, a sex object or a future for my family. I would merely like a friend. Not too much to ask is it?

[Teddy_boy]

Everybody has baggaeg of sorts so im informed . Be it children , or emotional baggage from their past. Surely without baggage we would have no history or individuality ?

[NOX]

I think baggage is a harsh word though, I'd take exception to anyone referring to my kids as baggage ( I'm male).
I'm also single, 50 years old and I don't find women don't want to be serious, but then I don't want to change them, I just haven't encountered anyone who there is a real spark with since I split up with my ex. There's no hurry though- finding a new partner is a journey and there may not always be an ultimate destination but they travel ought to be pleasant.

[starone]

Dance halls used to be a good place - are there still places you can go that cater for older people or is it all raves?

[Halifaxmum]

Teddy just take it slow - it must be tempting to go for the jiggy-jiggy, but a meaningful relationship is more than that.

meet up with the people you meet on line, don't think you've got to sleep with them!

take your time, you are worth it! so are they (if they are worth it too)

honestly, a long lasting (sexual) relationship is more than about sex

[Teddy_boy]

Im not that sensitive that a word would upset me.Clearly some people may take offence , but then sometimes home truths do upset or offend dont they? I can see how someone having an adult family could be awkward and cause problems for a new partner of their parent . But i wouldnt get upset if someone said i had baggage . And im sure that emotional baggage or memories or whatever one likes to call them , do have a bearing on and an impact on future relationships. It would be madness to expect them not to have any bearing surely?

[DaisyNonna]

Teddy Speak for yourself

[karenmac60]

Teddy, when my husband was 22 he suffered from kidney failure He'd had one girlfriend before that, but at that point he decided he would never be able to have a normal relationship due to his illness, and gave up on looking for one. He was single for the next 25 years and resigned to being that way for the rest of his life. He thought he was undesirable and that no one would want him. His sister encouraged him to join dating sites etc, but he declined. What he didn't know was that I'd had a huge crush on him for years (we work together) but never had the guts to let on. We finally got together when he was 47 and are very happy 6 years down the line. Sometimes you find love where you least expect it, and there may already be some shy lady out there who is thinking about you at this very moment. Don't be too desperate, it'll come to you. Good luck x

[Teddy_boy]

I dont claim to speak for anyone but myself. I may be being a tad too honest here. Its difficult to face the truth and so many people prefer to shy away from it or lie to themselves. Thats certainly not my way of doing things.

[Teddy_boy]

Karenmac what a touching story. In all honesty im not desperate and possibly im being too tetchy or fussy . But i do like to call things as i see them.Even though in this now gone mad pc society we live in , it seems that honesty isnt a quality in a person , its better to wrap things in a tissue of lies and cotton wool for fear of upsetting someone. If honesty is drawback then so be it.

[karenmac60]

Mr mac is always honest with me, and though it may pi$$ me off at the time, it is something I am grateful for in the long run because I know I can trust him completely. There's blunt honesty and tactful honesty though - you can say what you mean with diplomacy and it doesn't have to be hurtful (I don't know what you mean by being too honest, so I'm not accusing you of anything ;) )

[NOX]

No-one's said you can't be honest Teddy, but the fact of it is that most people would think it's an offensive thing to call someone's children. People's children are not ' baggage', they're part of the tapestry that is that person's life, and generally enrich that person's life. There is also a fine line between being blunt and rude and being honest and truthful- I have no issues with women who have children, why ever would I, they are part of that person's life- just as I would not entertain anyone who wouldn't happily and willingly accept my commitment to my family. It's a simple fact of life that your words help to form an impression of you, and if you're struggling to find a nice partner maybe your choice of words could do with being a little more delicate- even if the meaning is essentially the same to you.

[Teddy_boy]

I pride myself on my honesty. Thoughit has cost me in love in the past.I have convictions that i stand by and that may not hold with everyone .But i live my life by my standards. I didnt meant to make you think i meant anything karenmac , i did find your personal story to be interesting and insightful. No offence intended and none taken i would hope?

[Teddy_boy]

Should i just tell them what they want to hear then? It does seem to be the modern way doesnt it ?

[karenmac60]

No no, no offence taken at all Teddy - I hadn't read all the posts and wasn't aware if there was an issue with your honesty, so I just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was wading in on an argument I knew nothing about :) (it happens on here sometimes)

[NOX]

No of course don't just tell people ' what they want to hear' and what's this 'modern way' nonsense? There have always been blunt people and always been tactful people, nothing modern or old fashioned in that- just in my opinion you might do a little better if you were of the 'tactful honesty' variety than the head on assault with a blunt instrument type.It's just human nature to recoil from people who are too in your face about what they percieve as faults or problems- it might just be one area where you're having a few issues is all. Not trying to make you feel awkward, just the way I see it, since it's not a problem I've ever encoutnered since being single and we're a similar age.

[Halifaxmum]

Teddy - honesty is one of the most attractive qualities in a person, if you're thinking of the long-term.

Yes, the short term is all about looks & what they say - but it's all bs in the long run

The most attractive quality is the honesty (when someone tells you that you are beautiful and they mean it, and you believe it, that is just the best thing ever)

[Teddy_boy]

Nox so why are you still single then? In your opinion? I feel its through choice in my case , but i may just be fooling myself? Seems maybe im not very nice , too blunt and not very nice looking? In that case im not surprised at my single status.

[NOX]

I was married for years, and since being single have been out on dates with women of a variety of ages from 24 to 62, from all walks of life and of all ethnicities. Some of these have been single dates, some short term realtionships and the reason I am still single is quite simple- none of these women and I had that ultimate spark which led either they or I to think that it was going to be a love affair of dynamic proportions. Call me stupid but that is what I want and what these women all deserve, something amazing and that just feels right in every regard- that's why I am still single, but I'm pretty sure it's not because I'm blunt and rude about their kids. There are plenty of lovely women out there who really cherish honesty- I was simply trying to say just be a little more tactful maybe about how you choose to deliver it, and don't meet trouble half way- children can be a bonus if you all get on well.