What do I do for him then?

[Cindylou41]

I have been a mistress for almost 11 months and I completely adore the man I have this relationship with. However, recently he told me that before I came along that he was really happy at home (and still is) with his partner and family and that there had been 'nothing missing' in his life for him to have this relationship with me. He simply moved everything up to fit me in, I didn't fill a gap as it were. This has made me wonder what my purpose is then, or my role. I don't feel special any more. Has anyone got any ideas..please?

[flip_flop]

Granted he is morally bankrupt but, frankly, so are you - it sounds like he has children and therefore both of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Move on and find somebody where you don't stand a chance of ruining people's lives.

[Cindylou41]

Sounds like I had better start getting real.

[Cindylou41]

Ok, these answers really confirm my thoughts and fears. Yes, he says he loves me, yes we have good sex, yes I dress up, yes its exciting, but I suddenly feel dirty, and a bit worthless. Rubbish.

[4getmenot]

he will never leave her. So if you want more than just being a mistress leave him. If you just want to be a mistress then think about it first would you like to be cheated on. Or for your father to have a mistress. try to look at it in their shoes

[Sqad]

Eh? Her father probably has a mistress......many have.

Being a wife doesn't immunise you against being cheated on......no difference then.

Nothing wrong in being a mistress cindy....don't feel dirty or rubbish.

Wives may lie back and think of England......that is worthless and rubbish.

[sara3]

mistress? don't make it sound glamorous. you're sleeping with some other poor woman's husband. you're his bit-on-the-side.

and he won't be with you at Christmas, I assume.

[flip_flop]

There absolutely is something wrong in being a mistress Sqad, because a mistress is implicit in the betrayal.

If there weren't children involved, then the 'only' person being betrayed would be the wife - but from the question it appears there are children in the marriage and therefore what these people are doing is reprehensible.

[Ankou]

i always assume (rightly or wrongly) that men have mistresses so they can do the kinky and deviant stuff that they wouldn’t dream of asking their wives to do. if you feel dirty, then why do it in the first place ?

as vibes has said, at least he was straight with you, you know where you stand and you can make choices about what to do. his wife is stuck with him, you aint.

best of luck

[joggerjayne]

1. I don't approve of what you are both doing, but I'm not going to berate you, otherwise the question becomes rather pointless.

Assuming that you are going to carry on, and that you want non-judgmental replies, then ...

2. Obviously, what you give to him is a no strings relationship, and (presumably) something sexual that he is not getting at home. This frequently involves dressing up (as you say), and the freedom to do things without feeling awkward at the breakfast table the next day ... oral sex, new positions, or whatever.

Unfortunately, that is the conventional lot of the "other woman"

As I've said ... I'm not judging you here.

The bottom line is, we have no control over who we fall in love with.

Whatever you both do, I hope things work out with nobody getting hurt.

JJ x

[Sqad]

flip _flop....no argument there, but sex and excitement are strong emotions that may drag you away from the matrimonial home.

Divorces at just below 40% mainly due to infidelity and in the remaining 60% how many are undiscovered, multiple relationships all falling for that strongest human weakness....SEX.

[4getmenot]

thats why I said to think about if you were in the wifes shoes

[cazzz1975]

funny you are such an advocate on infidelity sqad, yet you berate the decline in society...

[craft1948]

I once had a relationship with a married man but it ended when his wife found out..............I miss his wife.....

[Sqad]

cazz.....I try an understand infidelity.

I berate the decline in violent society.

[sara3]

whatever happened to respect?

[buttons]

everyone will have an opinion Cindylou, but at the end of the day you need to think about what you are getting out this releationship. He is obviously getting the no strings side of a mistress whilst having the family life at home. It is not fair for you to basically put your chance of commitment/a relationship on hold to be his bit on the side. If you are in this for the fun go for it, but if you are getting attached get out before it goes to far. Spoken from experience!!

[PWA]

Tell him to jog on

[Cindylou41]

I know it doesn't make it much better, but they are not married.