Am I unreasonable!?

[jen85]

Sensible answers please...

My boyfriend and I had a bit of an argument today. I can understand both of our views on things but find myself getting very frustrated.

We have been planning our summer holiday for the past 2 months. I have constantly been ringing around and doing price checks and everything is sorted and due to be booked next week now that we have saved the money up.

My bf has a 2 year year old daughter and was told today that they plan to go away a few days before we are due to arrive home, therefore, meaning that he wont see his little girl for 4 weeks or so. He is now saying that we can only go away for 5 days and at a push a week so that he dont miss out on seeing his daughter. I had already booked the time off of work and I am unable to get any other time off.

I'm really annoyed because I've been saving and planning this for ages. We planned to go to Asia for 2 1/2 weeks. I normally do what I can and have always understood the fact that he has a responsibility but I'm just frustrated that this is my summer holiday too and now everythign has changed. Seems that we are always fitting things around when his ex has made plans.

Not sure how to approach this and sort it out. He doesn't want to talk about it and says he is putting seeing her first so looks like I have no choice but it seems he is being quite inconsiderate.

[Suzyboo]

There is no harm in him asking the ex if they can rearrange and be away at the same time as you but if not then I think you have to accept that he cannot go for long. Why not go away with a mate instead in that case since you have the time already booked? It seems unfair to call him inconsiderate though since he has not created the problem and has no control over the decision of the ex

[jen85]

She definatly wont rearrange she is very awkward.

Sorry I didnt make it clear about saying he was inconsiderate. He isnt cuz I know it isnt his fault they are going away at the same time but I just wasn't impressed when he said its my fault for not getting any other time off work.

I was first frustrated and annoyed but now I just feel a bit gutted. Have been planning this for ages as I say and really wanted to go away with him. I dont want to go with a friend cuz I would miss him too much. Just a bit upset that I was so looking forward to it now we have it all sorted and now it looks like it wont even happen.

I struggle anyway being with a man who already has a child. I'm not used to being out second best in a relationship cuz I have never had to deal wit it before. Just hard to take sometimes I guess especially when things are cancelled to orgnanise around other people.

[Ice.Maiden]

Jen hun, I think your last paragraph really explains how you feel. It IS disappointing for you, but be happy that you have such a great guy who puts his child first and foremost. That shows what a committed parent he is (always a good trait).
Try and accept that you aren't second best - it's just that ALL children change relationships, whether it's your own child or a partner's. If you haven't already booked your holiday, then i'd use the money you've so carefully saved, and take a week somewhere else - even if it's in Britain. Then NEXT year, make arrangements with your partner's ex. so that holidays don'#t coincide.

[mandimoo]

obey your feminine instinct...it is very strong. your heart knows what is right, even if yur head doest want to know.

[terambulan]

I suggest you have your holiday as planned and tell your partner you look forward to him joining you as soon as he can! The ball is then in his court!

This way your partner and his ex will realise you will not be manipulated. If you give in now you will always be expected to give in.

Who could miss out on 2.5 weeks in Asia.....where were you going?

[Ice.Maiden]

This's also a good idea. Could your bf just join you for a week?

[essexshazza]

hi Jen85, it is very difficult being in a relationship with someone who is a parent, why not agree to both go on holiday together then he comes home earlier than you or you both come home and go on a short break somewhere closer and take his child with you. that way you get to spend time with eachother and he see's his kiddy.

I hope you are able to sort this out. :-)

[Lizzzy]

Sorry to say this jen but i think if this is how things are now, its how they will always be. If you're not important enough to him to go on a holiday you've been planning for months because it means not seeing his daughter for an extra couple of weeks what does that tell you? And if the ex is awkward and manipulative as well that just makes it even more difficult. I'm sure its not what you want to hear but i'd say you better get used to your plans and what you want coming second to his daughter cos you've got a lifetime of it if you stay with him.

[Ice.Maiden]

To be honest Lizzzy, i think it tells hen that she has a guy who cares very much for his daughter.

[Ice.Maiden]

Sorry - *Jen.

[jen85]

Your all right in different ways and I release this but I just cant help but be upset. We planned to go to Thailand. Exciting or what, thats why I'm so down about it I guess.

It is always gonna b like this. My bf lets his ex walk all over him. She definatly wont let her go away on holiday with us, he isn't even allowed her over night. Told him time and time again to take her to court but he doesnt want the hassle or it and still tries to settle it out of court. Silly!

This was our first special holiday away together for 2 weeks, we have been away together before but with other people. I wouldn't want to go all the way there and stay sometime on my own. So I havent really got any choice, I'd be worried al the time if I was alone.

I know he cares very much for his daughter and I love that he is prepared to do what he can for her but its horrible to have to cancel something so huge. I'll have to deal wit it cuz I do want to stay with him but its so hard.

Thank you for your input everyone :0)

[flflflflflfl]

you seem to have a level head and your bf is lucky to have you. if his ex is the awkward type and assuming his daughter is quite young then it would be worth you trying to persuade him to go to court to get proper access, otherwise his entire relationship with his daughter will be based on the whims of an ex partner basically. be nice and just show him he's not on his own on this.

[flflflflflfl]

also have a nice 'week' in asia( if you're still going ), i was in cornwall 2 wks ago and it peed down all week so dont be too down on it :) !!

[puzzled54]

If you were planning to go away for 2 1/2 weeks, he wouldn't have seen her for about 3 weeks anyway. Is there soething else going on here?

[beso]

His ex is jealous that you are going off on a nice holiday. She probably decided to go away at an inconvenient time just to take the power in the situation. Your bf is a sucker for toeing the line she has drawn.

However he probably knows that he will be made to pay bigtime if he doesn't do what he is told. She is probably secretly undermining their relationship anyway.

Some women never let go of the power even if they are the one who called off the relationship in the first place.