Partners ex partners

[Vivacia]

Does anyone else feel irrationally jealous when thinking of their partner ever being with anyone else? i dont just mean sleeping with anyone else but ever having feelings for anyone else or doing relationship things?

[DaisyD]

If you have, or have had, strong feelings for someone then feeling jealous of them being with someone else is very normal!
Jealousy is not a very useful emotion though, and you can waste a lot of time obsessing about something which you have no control over.
If they're cheating, chuck 'em.
If not, chill out (easier said than done!)

[katangel26]

I know exactly what u mean Vivacia, I feel exactly the same, but only about my ex that I had a real strong bond with, and still do I suppose, deep down I probably still feel something for him thats why, but I'd never ever in a million years get back with him!

He does admit that he hates the thought of me with someone else, whether thats the same feeling that I have though I'm not sure.

[Vivacia]

I just get so jealous when i think of my boyfriend's ex, i know i shouldnt, because it was before he even met me and i have had other boyfriends, i have a go at him bout ever doing anything with anyone else and i know its unfair and immature of me (im in my twenties) but when im in a jealous mood i cant see passed that until ive said lots of nasty things to hurt him and then i always regret it. I really want to stop because if i carry on i know it will ruin our relationship and more importantly i love him and know i shouldnt be treating him the way i do - does anyone have any advice on dealing with jealousy ?

[ummmm]

Treat everyone as you are........if you would never cheat treat them as if they would never....

You have a past...I'm sure you are over....he has a past that I'm sure he is over

Have a talk with yourself before you react......

[888sally888]

I suppose I think that we all have a past and thats what it is - past.

My husband gets jealous of my past but I dont mind that he has one - try and curb what you say and let it go.

[Le Chat]

It is also a 'tradition' for the ex girlfriend to hate the current girlfriend - so it works both ways.
If you are secure, then it won't bother you ... if not, it will eat you up. Perhaps a little bit of self analysis is in order here.

[parkers]

Hi,

I also know exactly how you feel..
I can turn into someone I really do not like when I am feeling jealous - it is horrible, it is a feeling that comes over you, gets in your head and pickles your brain.

I have been with my partner for over 2 years and I believe that he truly loves me.. I went though (and still do) a stage of deeply hating his ex, looking at him and imagining them together, imagining what they did together, the things they said, the places they went... It can drive you insane...

I have learnt that it is such a waste of energy...
It is an evil emotion.
Believe me you have to try and control it otherwise you will push him away - for good.. !

Just think about why you are feeling like this - are you insecure? If so, so things to make you feel better about yourself - go for a run, got to the gym, do yourself up and look at yourself and be happy with what you see..

If you didn't care then you wouldn't be jealous, but you have to keep it to yourself..x

[PinkFizz]

God how strange - I was just thinking this yesterday.!

I am not in the slightest bit jealous of my boyfriends ex - I have met her and they hate each other with a vengeance.

But occasionally,like yesterday I imagine them in bed and being intimate together,like we do,and I really really hate it.

Don't know why I think of it but its not nice.

[Amber1571]

What real good answers here. I am insanely jealous, spoilt all my relationships and very nearly spoiling this one, but I just can't stop. Thing is, it doesn't make me happy when I am nasty. It just eats you up inside something rotten. My problem is, I think, I worry so much that guys will leave me, or they dont really want to be with me, that I push them away anyway, and then in a wierd sort of way I tell myself I was right all along, clearly they didnt want me otherwise they would not have left, but then I realise it was me....

[Vivacia]

Thank you all for your replies, although i wouldnt wish it on anybody to feel this way it helps to know I'm not the only person who does. I am insecure - not in all aspects but when its comes to blokes I am, Im not sure why because (i'm not being big headed) i feel i am quite attractive and think i am a likeable person (except when the green eyed monster surfaces!) but i'm so worried he'd rather be with his ex. He hasnt done or said anything to make me think this, but i met a girl mate of his ex's a couple of months ago and she started telling me all bout his ex who she described as the love of his life - i told my boyfriend this and he told me that he was never in love with his ex but even if he had been this girl wouldnt know because he's hardly knows her. but even though i believe him, what she said has stuck in my mind.
I get really annoyed with myself, not only for treating him bad but also because i keep bringing his ex into our relationship so i feel she is winning somehow.
With all my previous boyfriends i always wanted to be with my ex (from years before) who i wasnt completely over, even when i had been in a relationship for 3 years i was still thinking bout this other guy, but my current boyfriend is the only one i havent felt like this with, i know i'd rather be with him then this ex. Maybe i'm judging him by the way i felt in previous relationships?
I know he loves me and when i think of all the stuff he puts up with from me i realise how much he must really want to be with me but i also I know theres only so much a person can take & i'm pushin him away. i need to accept he has a past and that it doesnt affect the love he has for me, its just easier said than done when a jealous mood takes hold. we are spending the weekend together this weekend so i will see if i can go the whole weekend without causing an argument due to my jealousy - ill let you know how it goes!

[Presario]

My guy is exactly the same as you!!! We have been together 8 months, we recently got engaged and we are planning our wedding, but he finds it hard to accept my past. I only have one ex, who I was with for 6 and a half years. I don't want him back, I don't regret finishing with him and I love my fiance with all my heart, I tell him all the time. But he says to me very often that he feels like he is in competition and that I am going to change my mind and run back to my ex.

Vivacia, if your bloke is anything like me he will be upset that he does so much for you, yet you question whether he loves you as much as his ex. My guy is worried about pushing me away, but I will stand by him because he is amazing in every other way and his jealousy is soemthing we can work out together. I hope that your bloke feels the same about you :-)

[lorla]

Vivacia you are normal - most of us suffer a little jelousy from time to time. The first thing I want to say to you is be grateful she isn't in his life still. I hate my boyfriend's ex with a passion but they have a child together so I have to put up with her all the time and see her everytime we drop off and collect his son. It's horrible. I'd give anything for her not to be in my life. Hopefully you are able to make a choice - chose not to have her in your life. All the time you're thinking of her, you're allowing her to get in the way of you and your boyfriends relationship. Get her out!

Secondly, try writing things down. Before you start a row with your b'friend, try writing down how you feel. Sometimes it feels theraputic to just get it off your chest and get it out of your system. Let a piece of paper bare the brunt of your anger rather than your b'friend. Let us know how you get on.

[suzi-q]

Feel exactly the same and I'm old enough to know better!!! I absolutely hate one of my husbands ex's even though I never met the woman. How childish eh? I hate it when her name is mentioned. Dont know why except that she was still hovering in the wings when we met and texted him a few times. They were also still working together. After a while she left. She has a new fella but I still don't like her.

[porfavour]

Try thinking this way;
Do you remember your first kiss? Would you still like to kiss that person?
When you were single or in a previous relationship did you wonder who your future boyfriends were seeing right then?
Do you worry that your ex boyfriends are loving someone more than they loved you.
- no of course not.
Somewhere out there some other girl is feeling this way about you, what advice would you give her?

His feelings towards you are not second hand, you are benefiting from the experience he has gained through other relationships.
It's our past that makes us the people we are now - so try channeling your energy into feeling grateful towards her for not damaging him. Because of her relationship with him, he has been able to form another relationship, just think of her as a 'caretaker' or 'guardian' looking after him until he met you. When he started seeing her, you probably weren't ready for a relationship with him. Think of her as a 'provisional licence'.
Go to new places, try different pubs and clubs, start a new hobby together, make new memories.
Every new song/film that has come out since you've been together are yours, even if you split up you will have made an impact on his future.
I'm currently single and not in the slightest bit worried or jealous of my next boyfriends current girlfriend. I'd probably like her.
Good luck.