Heartbroken…….but I Can’T Stay Friends With Someone So Prejudiced

[GymLadTim]

I have a best friend called Kelly – we met at school and have been close for about 6 years. We have been through so much together and have stayed close despite the ups and downs. Kelly is caring, funny and fantastic company. I thought we would remain close until the day we died – well I did until last Saturday. Now I am questioning if I even want to ever see or speak to that little monster again.

I always thought Kelly was a woke young woman who would fight against prejudice. She was the first one to condemn any racism or unfairness of any kind. But on Saturday night after a few drinks she let it slip that she would not date a man who had a vagina.

I froze and asked her to repeat herself. Kelly knows perfectly well that the fight against genital preference is something I take seriously – I thought we both did. This attitude is transphobic and not accepting of the transgender community. Genital preference is rooted in discrimination and excludes trans men who may not for whatever reason want to go through surgery or who have not yet transitioned. THESE PEOPLE DESERVE TO IDENTIFY AS WHO THEY REALLY ARE NOT WHO YOU WANT THEM TO BE!!

I asked Kelly speaking very slowly if you met a man who was absolutely perfect in every way and loved you completely would you leave him because of genital preference. She said “yes” and I just walked away from her. Why should a transgender man have to disclose the genitals they have at the start of a relationship – no one else has to talk about their genitals on the first date. This is discrimination.

Now I am just totally reconsidering if I want any relationship with Kelly and it kills me to type that I mean she was my rock. Maybe the whole woke thing was just to be trendy and not because she really cares. She called me this morning and doubled down on not being attracted to vaginas – she said “ether you accept it or you don’t”. I calmly said to her “Kelly you don’t love men you love cis men and you love the very privilege that puts you on a pedestal. Now go away you nasty little monster”.

This situation is really devastating to me because remember this is my best friend. I would never want to be friends with a racist, a homophobe or a sexist. I mean I would speak with them because I feel dialogue is always needed to turn misguided people around but I wouldn’t want to be best friends with them or anything until they had renounced their views. In fact I do speak with a few racists and sexists I’m not scared to swap ideas with anyone.

Sorry for ranting, not really a question at all just needed to get this off my chest.

Broken

[Ellipsis]

Tim, bisexual doesn't cut it - you need to be pansexual in order to live up to your own ideals ...

[pixie374]

Have you totally changed your mind, Jim? Or have I misunderstood everything you have ever said? X

[pixie374]

Pansexual doesn't exist. Out of two sexes... there are not that many choices.

[jim360]

The second one, I think. To the best of my knowledge, I never have insisted on the idea that a person is obliged to be attracted to someone regardless of their genitalia.

[pixie374]

No... I thought you believed that male/ female didn't necessarily depend on genitals. Apologies xx

[jim360]

Well I do, but that's an issue of language -- what does it mean to say "male"? Is it referring to sex or gender? As best I see it, you mean the first and I mean the second when I say "man"/"woman".

But that has nothing to do with this, really, does it? This thread seems to be about the question of whether it's transphobic or not to not want to have a sexual and romantic relationship with a transperson. I don't see how it is; and it's quite frustrating to see it described as such in the OP.

[pixie374]

It is always frustrating, Jim, when people mix things up, yes. Obviously male/female, man/woman, he/she etc are do with sex. Nobody cares (or should) about "gender".
Tim just seems like another who really hasn't thought it through, but jumped on the easiest nearest bandwagon...

[jim360]

In case that doesn't clarify, what I mean is that the question of what to call people who have transitioned their gender identity is entirely independent of the question posed in the thread.

[pixie374]

It is of course. Nobody can 'transition' either sex or gender... you just are who you are. Neither can you change who you are attracted to. X

[Ken4155]

Each and every thread you start really does give one the impression that you are a bit of a drama queen.

[Smowball]

This is a joke right??

[THECORBYLOON]

GLT, do you have heterosexual friends?

[Old_Geezer]

Ok I can show compassion. I don't hold it against you that you are prejudiced against non-bisexuals, it's just the way you are. And I feel sorry for you that you judge folk that way and thus are likely to lose a friend because of it and find some judge you the way you judge others. May you get through this hard time soon.

[Prudie]

Hopefully one day when we've all the arguments and prejudice about sex sorted and relegated to history, no-one ever dreams of referring to someone as fat, ugly, ginger, thick, black, yellow, white etc then we can tackle why it's so not right to call someone a 'nasty little monster' even though it currently is apparently.
What a hoot this all is.

[rowanwitch]

I have always fallen in love with people regardless of gender actual or identified. There are also people I wouldn't want to have a relationship because the are simply not appealing. I have a very dear friend who is a female to male transexual. He is lovely in every way and in different circumstances I could easily be attracted to him But I know him too well.
Friendship in its truest sense means you love that person for who they are. While you might gently challenge their prejudices you accept them faults and all. GLT one day you will have a better handle on this, but try to live with an open heart and a more open mind

[hereIam]

I'm with NJ at 22:53, but I would not have been so polite !

[dannyk13]

//I'm with NJ at 22:53, but I would not have been so polite !//
Ditto.

[GymLadTim]

Let me be clear I have nothing against Heterosexuals but what I do have a problem with is anyone who is cis exclusive because this is violence against transgender people. Conversely I also once had a lively conversation with a cis man who told me he only dated transgender women - I explained to his this is fetishizing transgender people and also based in something unhealthy and damaging.

[spathiphyllum]

You are falling out with your friend because she as a woman doesn't want to be with someone who has a vagina?

I think you need to pull yaself together.