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Don't know how to cope...

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ChocolatChip | 12:58 Sat 26th Sep 2009 | Body & Soul
7 Answers
I'm really struggling to cope with life at the moment. And although the reasoning probably sounds really stupid, please understand that this is really hard for me.
I got a speeding ticket 4 months ago, and ever since, I have been terrified of getting another (as I am a newish (over a year) driver and you lose your license after 6 points). Ever since then, I have struggled to get in the car, I am terrified of going to new places, where I do not know the speed limit or if there are any speed cameras around.
And today I was at somewhere new, and I saw the lines on the road for a speed camera, I think I was doing the speed limit, but it was very late when I realised. I had to pull over as I began to have a panic attack. Now I feel like if I get a speed ticket through I will kill myself, I am desperate not to lose my license.
I take my fiance to work everyday which is about 25 miles away, and he relies on my to do this. I also take some younger people to college everyday, and they also rely on me.
I have to make sure I don't lose my license for them.
I will be so guilty and embarrased if I lose it. I don't know how to cope.
I don't feel like I can tell anyone I know, as I think they will think I'm being rediculous
Please help!


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the simple answer would be never exceed 30mph; but actually, if you're having panic attacks, it sounds like there's more than this going on. Any other problems in your life right now? For instance, you seem to have an awful lot of people relying on you - is this maybe more of a burden than you think it is?

This might be worth seeking counselling for - seriously, panic attacks are often warning you about something.
You ARE being ridiculous and that's the problem... As jno says, there is an underline issue here quite clearly as it isn't normal to get this worked up over this sort of thing. I think perhaps a visit to the GP and maybe a bit more honesty with yourself, extreme aniexty about anything is usually a sympton of something larger and you've suffered with depression before as I recall.
It seems that this incident has brought your fears and anxieties to the fore
and become a focus for it.

I agree with jno you may be as well speaking to your doctor, they do not
dismiss these things and will refer you for some help.

PS You are not stupid, indeed you sound a very caring person.

You aren't stupid or ridiculous, but you have become overcome by fearing what might happen if you are caught speeding. You need your GP to get you in contact with a professional practitioner, either CBT or NLP, to help you get over the fear. You can help yourself in the meantime by becoming familiar with the broad pattern of which speed limits lie where - 30 in a built -up area, 40 in less built up etc. Take a visual and practical clue from what everyone else on the road is doing. I am also fanatical about speed limits - sorry folks, but I'm the one actually doing 30 in a 30 zone. You should be praised for taking a speeding ticket to heart - I know people who are completely cavalier and regard speeding as normal, and only tone down their behaviour when the points get critical. Good luck and hang on in there.
There are better reasons for killing yourself than being banned from driving! No, I'm just being mean. I think you're working yourself up into a panic attack everytime you see those speed lines. You're a new driver with responsibilities that mean alot to you and the realisation of that can be scary once something does happen on the road. I think you should try taking a deep breadth everytime you approach a camera or lines and as Jno says stay within the speed limit or even slower. In time, you will gain your confidence.

I passed my driving test first time at 18 and something like the 3rd or 4th time I drove the car, I was on a busy roundabout and didn't notice the red lights. My mate shouted 'stop' and I slammed the brakes on! I tell you, I didn't drive for 6 yrs after that because I really didn't need to, so I had that excuse. But in the end driving was a necessity, I took one refresher lesson and got back in the car. I just thought I have to do this - and I did. I love driving. So don't work yourself up as the panic attacks will only get worse. Good Luck
I really don't think this is anything to do with driving. It sounds more like OCD- you have become completely obsessed and hung up on something that really doesn't matter, in the grand scheme of things! I think maybe you should talk to either your doctor about this anxiety, or see a hypnotherapist. It smacks of an irrational fear, like fear of flying, spiders, dogs etc. I think it's great that you are driving- WELL DONE! It's an achievement in itself. So get back on the horse and try not to worry. If you don't go down the doctor route, see an alternative therapist who can maybe help you to relax and get this into perspective.
I think the first thing you need to do is stop driving, (till your sorted) tell your "passengers" they have to find alternative arrangements, it will be the acid test for you fiance too... If you are getting into a lather as you say then you really need to seek medical help, there is obviously something going on elsewhere.
Driving is something you should get pleasure from, it isn't helping to be under pressure like you are, the basic rule about speeding is that the limit on UK roads is 30moh. If the limit is altered there are/should be signs uo to inform you of the speed, ie 20, 40 50 etc and then 60 on an open country raod A or B class, it is 70 on dual carriageways and motorways. so long as you use your common sense and stick to the speed limit you should never get a ticket, I haven't in nearly 40 years of driving.

You really do need medical advice, it could be something really simple such as lack of certain vitamins, shortage of Iron for instance can cause all sorts of problems....Your GP will advise.


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