Remembering Sqad On His Birthday
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Delinquent behaviour
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My friend's daughter (age 14) has been caught stealing money from other children at school. This is not the first time, as she was caught shoplifting a few months ago. My friend is completely mortified and is refusing to speak to her daughter and is being completely condemnatory. Although I haven't said anything, I think the child's behaviour might be a symptom of something going on in her emotional life. I wondered what other ebayers think about it. Does anybody else have experience of this and how did they deal with it? I'd be grateful for any comments or opinions.
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Chanel��I have no idea and can only give you an example.
I had 4 sons and we lived near a golf course, which had a lorry park for overnight parking. There were numerous complaints that these lorries were being broken into and chocolates, Mars bars and Wagon Wheels were stolen. A gang of six boys were followed by the police, to a wooded area where police described the �lair� as like an Aladdin�s cave, with golf balls, and all sorts of confectionaries. The �gang� was made up of my 4 sons and the other two boys who were the sons of our next door neighbour�s and he was the Assistant Chief of Police. We were all summoned to be ticked off by the station sergeant and all the boys came out laughing, but it was my neighbour and I who felt chastised.
I �thrashed� mine when I got back home and so did my neighbour, but understand that it would be impossible to do that today. All six boys have subsequently done well in life.
Today�councilors and psychologists will offer their advice on this thread.
I had 4 sons and we lived near a golf course, which had a lorry park for overnight parking. There were numerous complaints that these lorries were being broken into and chocolates, Mars bars and Wagon Wheels were stolen. A gang of six boys were followed by the police, to a wooded area where police described the �lair� as like an Aladdin�s cave, with golf balls, and all sorts of confectionaries. The �gang� was made up of my 4 sons and the other two boys who were the sons of our next door neighbour�s and he was the Assistant Chief of Police. We were all summoned to be ticked off by the station sergeant and all the boys came out laughing, but it was my neighbour and I who felt chastised.
I �thrashed� mine when I got back home and so did my neighbour, but understand that it would be impossible to do that today. All six boys have subsequently done well in life.
Today�councilors and psychologists will offer their advice on this thread.
sqad 'thrashed' his sons - end of a bad story - begin again. These days the thrash would be classified as abuse - so instead they would have criminal records - no ending to a bad story.
But in chanel's case it really does seem that a more psychological approach is needed. This girl is stealing from peers and needs help.
But in chanel's case it really does seem that a more psychological approach is needed. This girl is stealing from peers and needs help.
Generally, althoough not always I must say, deliquent behaviour is the sign of a very unhappy child.We had a foster child who had had a very hard time with his birth family and dsiplayed all sorts of unpleasant behaviour for a long while after he came to live with us, however slowly as he got happier and found his own self regard and realised that he was worth something as a person that began to pale and finally disappeared altogether. he's now a very wel adjusted lad whose a pleasure to be with and of whom i'm very proud, so i think yes, the cause of this is most likely a form of emotional unhappiness and will need unravelling slowly with care and tact and understanding. your friend really needs to help her daughter by listening to what's wrong and not condemning out of hand her actions which taken purely at face value will be disappointing and unpleasant.
I agree with others, this does sound like a cry for help.
She probably does not need the money and may be doing it to get attention.
I recently read the story of Stephen Fry's early life.
He was sent away by his parents to boarding school, but did not like it.
At school he felt an outsider and stole money from other pupils plus teachers. He was expelled but went "on the run" visiting a friends house and stole money from an old age pensioners handbag who was in the house (for which he is totally ashamed).
He stole some credit cards from the house and went on a credit card spree staying at hotels and so on.
He was eventually caught and sent to a young offenders institution.
Luckily he had supportive parents, plus some people who spoke up for him, so he was eventually released, managed to get a place a Cambridge university, and the rest is history.
So it can be turned round.
She probably does not need the money and may be doing it to get attention.
I recently read the story of Stephen Fry's early life.
He was sent away by his parents to boarding school, but did not like it.
At school he felt an outsider and stole money from other pupils plus teachers. He was expelled but went "on the run" visiting a friends house and stole money from an old age pensioners handbag who was in the house (for which he is totally ashamed).
He stole some credit cards from the house and went on a credit card spree staying at hotels and so on.
He was eventually caught and sent to a young offenders institution.
Luckily he had supportive parents, plus some people who spoke up for him, so he was eventually released, managed to get a place a Cambridge university, and the rest is history.
So it can be turned round.
It would be interesting to know more on the family background.
Do both parents work? If they do the child may feel they care more about their careers than their daughter.
Are there other sons and daughters? If so maybe one is a favorite and gets all the attention and this girl is ignored.
Or if she has a brother or sister who is "in trouble" (or maybe disabled) and is getting more attention than her.
Or it may just be that the parents never say they love her, and they are just putting her down and critisizing her all the time she feels worthless.
The mothers attitude of complete condemnation does show an attitude where she does not (or cannot) sit down and discuss what may be wrong and how they can correct it.
I think the parents need some parenting skills education.
Do both parents work? If they do the child may feel they care more about their careers than their daughter.
Are there other sons and daughters? If so maybe one is a favorite and gets all the attention and this girl is ignored.
Or if she has a brother or sister who is "in trouble" (or maybe disabled) and is getting more attention than her.
Or it may just be that the parents never say they love her, and they are just putting her down and critisizing her all the time she feels worthless.
The mothers attitude of complete condemnation does show an attitude where she does not (or cannot) sit down and discuss what may be wrong and how they can correct it.
I think the parents need some parenting skills education.
We had neighbours opposite us with a troublesome teenage daughter.
They never talked about problems with her and if their daughter was slightly naughty they would shout "YOUR GROUNDED" and leave her in her bedroom all weekend.
This bred a simmering resentment from the daughter and eventually when she was 18 she met a man in his 30s and got pregnant by him.
She left home to go and live with this man, and had the baby.
Over time the relationship fell apart, and she was left on her own with a baby.
It is important the parents sit down with their daughter and tell her how much they love her and how they want things to be open and honest between them all.
They never talked about problems with her and if their daughter was slightly naughty they would shout "YOUR GROUNDED" and leave her in her bedroom all weekend.
This bred a simmering resentment from the daughter and eventually when she was 18 she met a man in his 30s and got pregnant by him.
She left home to go and live with this man, and had the baby.
Over time the relationship fell apart, and she was left on her own with a baby.
It is important the parents sit down with their daughter and tell her how much they love her and how they want things to be open and honest between them all.
My wife works with "problem families" and it is amazing how terrible some people are at being parents, but if you suggest they attend a parenting class they look at you amazed.
One woman had 6 children but was awful at looking after them.
One of her children had low self esteem. When my wife asked the mother what good things the daughter had done (in an attempt to give the daughter some positive things to think about) right in front of the child the mother said there was nothing good to say about her daughter.
When my wife suggested a parenting class to this woman she said "I have had 6 kids, I dont need to learn anything about being a parent".
No wonder we have so many problem children, so many parents are just awful.
One woman had 6 children but was awful at looking after them.
One of her children had low self esteem. When my wife asked the mother what good things the daughter had done (in an attempt to give the daughter some positive things to think about) right in front of the child the mother said there was nothing good to say about her daughter.
When my wife suggested a parenting class to this woman she said "I have had 6 kids, I dont need to learn anything about being a parent".
No wonder we have so many problem children, so many parents are just awful.
"But in chanel's case it really does seem that a more psychological approach is needed."
I absolutely agree...counciling and psychological management is clearly the answer here and has outstanding benefits that "thrashing " doesn't.
Wait a minute.........I have never seen any control studies to show that this is the case. I am sure it is though, because ecveryone tells me it is.
Wait a minute.....if that is the case, should teenage delinquency be lower than in the 50's ( the thrashing era)
Prehaps it is eh!
I absolutely agree...counciling and psychological management is clearly the answer here and has outstanding benefits that "thrashing " doesn't.
Wait a minute.........I have never seen any control studies to show that this is the case. I am sure it is though, because ecveryone tells me it is.
Wait a minute.....if that is the case, should teenage delinquency be lower than in the 50's ( the thrashing era)
Prehaps it is eh!
Thank you to everyone who took the trouble to reply. This has given me some more ideas to talk about with my friend, the girl's Mum. There are quite a few problems in the family, Mum and Dad are separated, so that might have a bearing on it, but I also think the suggestion that she was trying to keep up with friends is also a big part of it. I think she is very anxious to fit in with the group and goes to self destructive lengths to achieve it. The Mum is so distraught and angry at the minute that it is difficult to get her to see anything but hurt and fury, but I am going to try to talk to her about counselling and psychological support - I dont know what the school is going to do yet - they might even expel the child.
Thanks to everyone for being great support.
Thanks to everyone for being great support.
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