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12 year old harming himself??
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Yesterday when my son came home from school he had some deep scratches on his hand, he told me the dog had done it. I thought it was a bit odd as there were 5 scratches. Today there are more, when I questioned him again he said again it was the dog. They are definatly not dog scratches. He has what his teachers call an overactive imagination (I call it lying!), and he always seems to be in some kind of trouble, doesnt pay attention etc. I am at my wits end and now he wont even talk to me. Could he be harming himself on purpose? He is only 12! Some ideas please! TIA
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Hiya findthetime and welcome to AB. Could your son possibly being bullied and its someone else causing the scratches? Is there a teacher you could approach and voice your fears to? Is there perhaps another underlying reason why your son's behaviour is challenging, maybe not coping with the schoolwork? Is he having any problems with his eyesight or hearing, I know he's 12 but you'd be amazed how many children I've known seem to be having difficulties and its found they're struggling beacuse of these things.
I'm sorry if it seems I'm just answering your question with questions, I'm just thinking out loud. You're obviously very worried and a great parent to be so sensitive to his feelings, I really hope you get to the bottom of it so you can help him.
I'm sorry if it seems I'm just answering your question with questions, I'm just thinking out loud. You're obviously very worried and a great parent to be so sensitive to his feelings, I really hope you get to the bottom of it so you can help him.
http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/index.php?id= 447
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2005/mar/03/ 1
Find other resources on the net, as a Mum I would be surprised if he was a serious self harmer as the marks are visible. Try not make a big thing ,at first ,as knowing you noticed might make him be covert so you would be unable to monitor it. My Son used to sit next to someone who used to drag a compass over his hands in maths. He grew out if it after six months.
http://www.selfharmuk.org/facts2.asp
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2005/mar/03/ 1
Find other resources on the net, as a Mum I would be surprised if he was a serious self harmer as the marks are visible. Try not make a big thing ,at first ,as knowing you noticed might make him be covert so you would be unable to monitor it. My Son used to sit next to someone who used to drag a compass over his hands in maths. He grew out if it after six months.
http://www.selfharmuk.org/facts2.asp
Hi findthetime, I agree with both answers given so far.
You must be so anxious about this. Try and not draw too much attention to it. Let him know that you are there if he'd like to talk.
Some young people I work with at an after-school club are "difficult" when trying to do their homework because they actually can't really read or write, and so try to find ways of diverting their own attention and other peoples'.
Does your son struggle to make friends? Has he always been the way he is now, or did it begin at a certain point, for example on beginning secondary school?
He might well have experimented with self-harm, albeit carefully and somewhat obviously, and if this is the case maybe it is a "cry for help".
If it is your dog, on the other hand, don't leave them alone in a room together!!
I hope you can all come to a solution.
You must be so anxious about this. Try and not draw too much attention to it. Let him know that you are there if he'd like to talk.
Some young people I work with at an after-school club are "difficult" when trying to do their homework because they actually can't really read or write, and so try to find ways of diverting their own attention and other peoples'.
Does your son struggle to make friends? Has he always been the way he is now, or did it begin at a certain point, for example on beginning secondary school?
He might well have experimented with self-harm, albeit carefully and somewhat obviously, and if this is the case maybe it is a "cry for help".
If it is your dog, on the other hand, don't leave them alone in a room together!!
I hope you can all come to a solution.
Thanks for the welcome and for the advice. His school work started to go to pot about 3 years ago when he had a rather bad school teacher. Since then he doesnt seem to be able to "get back into it" so to speak. I honestly dont think it would be bullying, at 12 he is nearly 5 foot 8 and weighs nearly 10 stone (unfortunatly this gives him a very grown up look, it is sometimes hard to remember he is a child in there afterall). As it is the weekend, I am going to make the most and take him out for the afternoon and do something fun, see if I can get some more clues from him. Hopefully I will be able to do this without getting upset. When I feel he is lying to me I get angry and we are back to square one and get nowhere. SIGH!! I will keep you informed of any prgress. Once again thank you so much for the advice.
-- answer removed --
findthetime, I hope your mind has been put at ease slightly by the answers you've had. As an ex self harmer and someone who knows a multitude of people who have at some point in their lives done this, it does seem unlikely that it is serious self harm, as sense said in her reply, most self harmers conduct their cuttig in places that are hidden - arms, legs, stomach etc. If he is doing this, then the fact that he has done it on his hands could be a cry for help - ie doing it on a visible and uncovered part of his body so that someone is bound to see it.
I knew a girl at college who had decided it was the cool thing to do - she scratched her arms then wore a sleeveless top with an arm bracelet on to college the next day, thus drawing huge amounts of attention to herself, not something most self harmers do.
I knew a girl at college who had decided it was the cool thing to do - she scratched her arms then wore a sleeveless top with an arm bracelet on to college the next day, thus drawing huge amounts of attention to herself, not something most self harmers do.
hi findthetime,
i remember when i was young about 12-13 yrs old, my best friend would self harm with metal rulers, compasses, knifes. she used to do when she would get a bit stressed out (and yes there are stresses for 12yr olds!!!).
she didnt always hide it, she would do it in front of me and do it on her arms/legs/hands. she used to act like it was perfectly natural even though it used to confuse me.
looking back i can see it was her reaction to pressure, whether it be school work or when she found social situations difficult, simple things like making new friends or talking to boys, could bring on a bout of self harm. fortunately she grew out of it before it got serious.
my advice would be to keep track of him, try and talk to him and make him feel relaxed so he won't get defensive. definately don't grill him! encourage him to spend time doing social activities he enjoys. if your son is closer to another relative, brief them on the situation and get them to talk to your son.
good luck, let us know how things go.
x
i remember when i was young about 12-13 yrs old, my best friend would self harm with metal rulers, compasses, knifes. she used to do when she would get a bit stressed out (and yes there are stresses for 12yr olds!!!).
she didnt always hide it, she would do it in front of me and do it on her arms/legs/hands. she used to act like it was perfectly natural even though it used to confuse me.
looking back i can see it was her reaction to pressure, whether it be school work or when she found social situations difficult, simple things like making new friends or talking to boys, could bring on a bout of self harm. fortunately she grew out of it before it got serious.
my advice would be to keep track of him, try and talk to him and make him feel relaxed so he won't get defensive. definately don't grill him! encourage him to spend time doing social activities he enjoys. if your son is closer to another relative, brief them on the situation and get them to talk to your son.
good luck, let us know how things go.
x
Hi everybody and thanks for all your help and advice. We went out Saturday and had a nice time. I brought the subject around to when I was younger at 14 and my boyfriend broke up with me so I scratched his initials into my hand. My mum had a fit and got my uncle to talk to me about it. Sam (my son) was amazed I would do something so bad, so to speak. Of course to him I am Mum, the old bag whi has never been young haha. Sooooo... he told me he had scratched his hand too. Well the truth was a bit shocking. I didnt get mad, just asked why (and also with what for fear a tetnus was needed!). He just said he felt curious. So...now do I wait see if he does it again? He has promised he wont, or do I get him shipped off to the nearest Psycologist ASAP?? He seems fine now actually being very chatty.
Thanks again
xxx
Thanks again
xxx
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