Weddings

[miffy63]

My partner and I are thinking about getting married next year. The problem is that I suffer from severe panic attacks. Whilst I think getting to the church won't be a problem when the ceremony is being performed I may need to sit down because my legs will turn to jelly and I could fall down (or run away)!
This should be the happiest day of your life but I'm starting to hyperventilate at the thought, even though I want this more than anything.

[mrknowall]

I understand panic attacks very well.
As you have until next year you have time to practice techniques to stop them from coming on.
You have to remember YOU bring these attacks on they don't just appear.
You have to change the way your thinking.
If you think what IF this happens or what IF that happens a panic will come on you,YOU are feeding the panic attack.
You have to stop it there think of Positive things not negative.
I fully understand about the jelly legs and i could fall down.
I ask YOU one question have you ever fell down or has any of the other thoughts that you have happened ?
I no the answer it will be NO
They will NOT happen you have to get that into your head.
I no its hard but try not to run away when you get a panic.
Can i ask if you are on medication which one,s ?

[whiffey]

If you suffer from panic attacks, then you are dreading this.

But you don't have to go through with it surely. Unless a formal (=panic attack) ceremony is totally important to you, why have one ? Informalise it., registry office, God will understand.

I so know what you are saying and I wish you all the best.

[miffy63]

I take Seroxat and have done for years. I also always have valium in my handbag. You are of course quite right - I have never fallen down or done anything 'odd' in public! It's just that it's a big day and an important one.

It's my partner that wants to marry in a church. I would get it over and done with quickly in a registry office but his faith is important to him. That's the only thing he's insisting on everything else is up to me.

[mrknowall]

I guessed you might be on seroxat ie proxatine the other name for them.

I understand what you are going though and deep deep down you do want to get married in church.

Its just this little problem that you have.
If i can help you i will

[whiffey]

I shouldn't suggest this but I will. Your ceremony will go fine, because you will rapidly settle in once it has started. It's much like waiting outside an examination room. Could you fit in a glass of something or other beforehand ? A large bourbon maybe. Don't be worried about it, it's your day after all !! Go forth and conquer.

[black bunny]

miffy63, I have suffered from panic attacks in the past and with depression on and off for last 10 years(under control with antidepessants) and I thoroughly sympathise with you. My doctor referred me onto an anxiety management class held in his surgery once a week for about 6 weeks and this really helped. You are taught techniques to control and cope with attacks and to generally control your anxiety so it does not rule your life. The classes helped a lot, maybe you could ask your doctor if there are classes in your town or something similar.
Good luck whatever the future holds.

[IggyB]

medication - go to the docs... beta blockers might help

[shopper]

Panic attacks are not just in your mind, they have a physical cause, adrenilin.
When you are in a situation you are uncomfortable with, you just want to get away, so your body floods you with adrenilin.
This is when the physical symptoms occur. Jelly legs, shaking, heart racing, hyperventilating etc.
Adrenilin is released in this way for us to get away from danger. You either fight or flee.
The amount of adrenelin the body can release at any one time is limited. So when the symtoms occur, they have to subside because after a short time there will be none left, and the body cant release more until it has replenished its supply.
What you have to learn is that panic attacks are not dangerous, nothing bad will happen to you. All it is, is the fear of them happening that will actually cause the adrenilin rush.
When it next happens, wherever you are, just stop and wait for it to pass. Which it will. It has to. The amount of adrenilin in your body is limited.
If you are out, sit on a bench. No bench, then pretend you are looking in a shop window.
If you are in a supermarket, hold onto the trolley and pretend to study the labels.
No one will notice you. You will not be ill from any of the symptoms no matter how bad they are.
It will take quite a while before you start to feel and understand that you just have to let the panic attack pass, and dont fight it.
I can recommend the books by Dr Claire Weekes, which are available on Amazon.
You have lots of time before you have your wedding next year.
Good luck

[mrknowall]

why i said it was in the mind as your thoughts bring the panic on. Adrenalin does not bring the panic on.
If you can stop the adrenalin from taking affect a panic will not come on.

[miffy63]

Thank you all so much. I am determined to do this because it's what I want more than anything. I also know that the worrying about it is often worse than the event itself, however whiffey I will have a drop of something before hand though i won't be like my sister and slur my wedding vows!
Thank you all again so much, panic attacks have been a part of my life for 17yrs now so you'd think I'd have learned how to cope, but this all seems so much more daunting with people watching, some having come from abroad.
I think it may help if I started going to church to familiarise myself with the interior and of course the vicar.

[mrknowall]

That would help a lot miffy 63 also i would have a look at coming off seroxat all together as these tablets have had a lot of bad press.
I no a friend who was 10 times better once he came off these tablets.He thought he needed them to help him but in fact was making him worse.
Please read the the site it may help you it helped them

http://www.seroxatusergroup.org.uk/

[miffy63]

I have tried to come off Seroxat but they clearly were helping me as I had an awful time coping without them. Sometimes they are necessary, though I agree that they have been prescribed when perhaps they shouldn't have been. Maybe I'll try again after the wedding!

[andrea81]

I went through exactly what you are going through and feared my wedding day. I dreaded it! I don't take medication but I did use 'Vareriana' it's a herbal remidy. It does work really!

I have to say, I was so nervouse on the day, but when it happened, I loved it! My nerves did go away and I couldn't believe how fab I felt.

I think what helped was talking to the priest who was very helpul and also having a 'plan' with my husband and priest as to what will happen if I felt ill or faint etc... I felt good knowing that it could happen and if it did it was ok and that people would know what to do to help and then get on with the Wedding.

Make it you day, don't have every member of family there, just the ones you want there. And remember they are all there to wish you well and to help you have a happy day. No-one is there to judge or ridicule you.

You'll be glad you did it!