am I needy?

[I-say]

Talking to my boyfriend on the phone tonight. He said I was sad because I said I wanted him to show some emotion. The fact that I was asking him.Does that make me sad, or him just an uncaring pig?

[jay90]

makes him sad....how long you been together?

[scatty mare]

It doesn't make you sad at all, maybe he was embarrassed at being confronted and got a bit defensive. Wouldn't call him an uncaring pig just yet, wait till you've been married a while!

[I-say]

3 years and 10 months..........Jay.......now that makes me sad for counting the months!

[I-say]

3 years and 10 months... but he is so uncaring.

[I-say]

sorry, had a prob with pc there!

[jay90]

what are his redeeming qualities?

[I-say]

jay, you know, you have got me thinking now.............redeeming qualities....

[scatty mare]

Well, if that's the feeling you get from him it might be time for a long talk. If he's not the person you're looking for now, it's unlikely he ever will be.

[I-say]

Jay, do you know what, I cant think of any. He is good in bed (sorry) he used to be kind and loving, but he had an affair so that spoiled it for me....he doesnt have any. But I still love him!

[I-say]

scatty mare, I try to have talks with him, but he ends up talking about work or anything else. Part of me thinks he only wants me for the "rumpy pumpy"

[jay90]

tough one...you can't ask someone to show emotion they either will or wont...how long ago was the affair and how long did it last?(if you dont mind me asking)

[I-say]

jay, I dont know how long the affair was, but the fact that he had one has made me feel so insecure. The part I hate is him knowing that whatever he has done, or however he acts towards me, he knows inside that I will still love him.

[Slooow_Jo]

I-say sorry to be blunt but you sure it isn't 'habit' rather than love?? your not sounding very 'loved up' to me hun :(

[jay90]

**** i-say! this isn't good if you dont mind me asking how old are you and he..he seems arrogant to the point of being cold knowing he can have an affair and you take him back.....

[I-say]

I wonder if its habit too jo. But I do love him. Just wondering now if he really loves me, especially after he could have an affair. I love him so much I could never do that.

Jay, yes, I said to him he was cold, but he turned it round to me being sad. We are both early 40's

[scatty mare]

Men, eh! Does he find it difficult to express his emotions generally or is it just where your relationship's concerned? I'd say the best bet is to go with your gut-feeling. It's easy to give an opinion based on what you've said because no one would condone staying with an uncaring partner, but equally, no one knows what's going on in his mind either. If you genuinely love him, I hope you can work things out, though if he's not willing to open up it could become soul destroying. Could you maybe suggest some time apart and see how he reacts?

[jay90]

feel like paying him a visit! dont want to make you paranoid but do you think he could still be carrying on,as it were hence his attitude..do you live together.When you say emotion...does he tell you he loves you?

[I-say]

time apart hey scatty, he has just taken up a job over 100 miles away. Moved away from me. Thats how the conversation got on the phone, when I wanted him to show some emotion... wanting him to feel sad he was leaving me, but all he said was.........I was sad for asking him how he felt :(

[I-say]

Jay. my paronia is at a high now, I am now thinking he moving away. He had one affair, will he do it again? He is so bliase about the whole thing.. He is making me feel I am wrong for now being insecure................remember i didnt have the affair!