Help

[sarahjaynel]

I am 24 and have just found out that I am pregnant. I have mixed feelings. Whilst I think emotionally I am going to be fine, Financially is such a worry. I have a loan at the moment which I am frightened I will not be able to pay off. My partner worked nights at the weekend and said that he would be happy for me to go back to work part time and he would look after the baby.

I don't know what to do. Any advise? From people in the same situation if possible

[enigma]

Part 1 : Hi Sarahjayne. First of all , congratulations ! Secondly , I was once in your shoes. I fell pregnant for the first time at 22 and it was a bit of a mixed bag for hubby and I. We were shocked , happy , scared , worried , fretful , anxious, upset at it being the 'wrong time'. We had planned to go travelling and we hadn't planned this pregnancy so it threw us a bit at first. We sat in silence for a few moments taking in the pregnancy result and worried about how we would cope financially. The only thing I can tell you is that if we were to plan to have our children when we felt that it was the right time financially and that we had completed everything which we wanted to do with our life , then for many of us , we wouldn't HAVE children at all ! There will always be a bill needing paid , worries over job security , outgoings etc (unless you are lucky enough to win the lottery or be married to a millionaire !) but the blessing of a child is second to none.

The joy that little bundle will bring to your lives can not be equalled with anythig else. First smile , first word , first steps - all so precious. It will be very hard work in the early stages but so well worth i in the end.

[enigma]

Part 2 : If you are worried that your debt is becoming a problem , then have a worried with a financial adviser or speak with your local citizens advice bureau who could help you to find a solution. You will probably do what many of us end up doing though - tightening your belts a bit and muddling by. I stopped working a few years back (I have three kids - 8 , 3 and 18 months) and I haven't starved yet. You will get by and although there is no disgrace in your partner staying at home to watch your baby and letting you return to work (equal opportunities and everything) , I wouldn't be in too much of a rush to return to work if you can. It will be an emotional rollercoaster for you after the birth and for your mental , physical and emotional wellbeing , you need to have plenty of time to rest and lots of love and support. I wish you all the best xxx

[Miss Zippy]

I've never been in your situation but can I just say that I know so many couples who are putting off have children because they are waiting until they reach that non-existent financial utopia. Financially, I don't believe there is ever a right time to have children: you will always want to wait until you have that little bit more. A baby has come along unexpectedly for you, but it sounds like you have loving and supporting partner who will do what he can to support you both. That�s what counts. Everything else will fall into place. Good luck!

[redcrx]

I was 32 when i found out i was pregnant and completely panicked about money and life because I lived 60 miles from my partner.
We moved in together but ive still not been able to rent or sell my flat so are paying for 2 properties. I am lucky enough to work full time and still look after my son so i have no childcare costs.
The first year of a babies life can be very expensive or it can be quite cheap. Shop around for ways to save money on things. Breastfeeding is cheaper in long run than formula. Reusable rather than disposable nappies (you local council may run offers on them). Buy a cot bed rather than a cot. Buy a travel system that will grow with your child. A car seat that covers all 3 stages.
There are child tax credits and child benefit that go some way towards the cost of bringing up baby and childcare is subsidised partly by tax credits.
There are many ways to spend as much or as little as possible. Dont immediately panic. Sit down and see what you can afford before deciding what you can cut costs on
PS. Congratulations x

[tradey]

hello sarahjaynel,please dont worry about how your going to afford it,you always find a way,i was 16 when we had our first wouldnt changed not having my son for the world, then at 22 we had another one thought god how are we going to do this but im telling you know you do,then at 36 had our third she wasnt planned and like you i was thinking can we afford this id have to stop work and look after it did i want too,my hubby works shift days nights so its hard for me to go to work and you know what weve been fine youll get there in the end,dont worry,do you have family that could help out even if you go work for couple times a week.im sure theyd be happy to help out.try not to worry at the end of the day its you two who have to deside what to do take care xx

[monkeemayhem]

Hello sarahjaynel, congratulaions!
When I got pregnant, i was self employed (running a business single handed), �10,000 debt, 100 miles away from my family and living with my boyfriends parents. Now my little boy is two on sunday and I'm still self employed (but with staff), still �10,000 in debt, still 100 miles away from my family and although now married, still living with my husbands parents! My beautiful boy makes my life worth living, you won't believe how much you could love a little person! what i'm saying is when your baby is here, everything else pales into insignificance, you just get on with your lives and things just somehow work out- they have to, your lives will be a bit chaotic for a few months (having a baby is like letting a bomb off in your home and relationship!) but you really will get into some sort of a routine at some point!
Take enigmas advice on debt counselling if you are really worried about it, redcrx is absolutely right about spending on 1st baby- some people go silly when theres no need to, and miss zippy and tradey have some truthful opinions on becoming a parent.
I wish you all joy and happiness in pregnancy, birth and beyond!!
MM x

[Gnisy]

My sister is two years younger than you (maybe three) but she is two months away. Definitely wasn't a planned baby, but both her parents and her husband's (newly) parents were receptive of their firstborn. That made it all a little easier for my sister to accept. so I'd say support from your family, close relatives and friends is important. As for financial means, you just have to take it as it comes, go with the flow so to speak. There will be a lot of things that you have to sacrifice for the baby in the first few years, but that is a responsibility that comes with the title of "parents". If you can't manage, get help. And don't worry so much, it's not good for the baby ok? Smiles.

P.S. Congrats on your new bundle of joy. You'll work something out, the mother instinct in you will make sure of it.

[autumleaves]

Being pregnant is the most wonderfull feeling and wat ever the situation you will cope , no matter of your situation you will always manage , as long as you have love and suport i am sure u will make a wonderfull mother .