why isnt he doing it for me anymore???

[kazzianne]

no sarky answers please!!

I have been with my guy almost 2 years - we still make love as often as we did in the beginning but whereas I used to climax every time,now I dont at all.i still love him as much,and fancy him as much,but nothing happens for me.He doesnt have a clue,I have started to pretend,but he isnt doing anything different to when I met him,so why cant i climax??

[kazzianne]

he loves a finger slid up his bum,and when he usually gives the favour back I go wild,but nothing tonight.I truly love him to bits - what is wrong?

[Agent_Smith]

god knows????????

[kazzianne]

god,how subtle can i be!! No matter what he does I just cannot climax!!

[andy-hughes]

Try mutual 'giving' sessions.

Each of you starts with the sole intention of giving the other a nice time - with no pressure on reaching orgasm, it's not a competition.

While he is 'giving', tell him excatly what you want, direct him, and relax, but make sure he only does what you say, This should help you rediscover what you really enjoy. Obviously you will have no problem reciprocating!

Outside of that - have yougot any additional stress in your life - work or money problems, anything that's nagging away and stopping you from relaxing?

Have a think, and do let us know how you get on.

This will be temporary, and you will get past it, but worrying will simply create a vicious circle, so stay calm.

[Agent_Smith]

without being personal...................... can you climax when flying solo??

[kazzianne]

agent smith - yes i have no problem flying solo which is whats so upsetting!! My guy isnt doing a thing different and yet it isnt having the same reaction!!

[Agent_Smith]

i agree with andy hughes?? it may be a stress thing?

[bertie21]

Try not to get too stressed about it, it will not help. Also faking it is really not a good idea, because instead of relaxing and going with the flow your mind will be thinking of the right time to fake it so he doesn't know. Be honest with him, it's the only way. I'm sure it's just a phase, one that at sometime or other we all go through.

[silverdaler]

Is it possible that initially you were just having an off day, but this subconsciously made you 'expect' not to respond the next time. ?? i would explain to your partner that you are having a few problems - a trouble shared is a trouble halved.

that might take some of the pressure off straight away. it may help you to relax the next time,

try having a break from it for a few weeks, then hopefully you will b gagging for him !

good luck x

[kazzianne]

yes I do have a huge amount of stress in my life at the mo,a lot to do with his family,but none of it his fault.xx

[Agent_Smith]

does it happen all the time? sometimes i forget about the wife.. if you know what i mean!!

so the next time i solely concentrate on her!!

[kazzianne]

agent smith - I have deliberately concentrated on him lately,if you know what i mean,and then when he is happy i have let him concentrate on me,and whilst I have really enjoyed it and felt good,I just cant climax!! im sooo frustrated!!

[jno]

from reading some of your other Qs lately kazzianne it seems you're under a fair bit of stress (did you shrink back down?) Since your guy is also your boss it's quite possible some work anxiety is also spilling over into your private life. There's more to passion to pushing buttons, as any gal knows; my guess is that there might have been a change, quite possibly tiny, in your state of mind. None of us are the same people we were a year ago; things change, we change. So if the old routines don't quite do it any more... try new ones. (And don't panic if the first new one doesn't work either.)

[saintjohnny]

I get the impression from what you've posted that you and your fella get on with each other and don't have any apparent problems communicating. Is it at all possible that you are so comfortable with him that you subconsciously don't actually need the sex as much as you used to? I'm not saying sex isn't important - of course it is - and by the sound of it, you enjoy a uninhibited sex life, which is great. However, there is a point with some couples where friendship, trust, mutual admiration and most importantly, a sense of contentment, is reached. You wake up and realise that this person you love deeply is actually your best friend and confidant, and this maybe smothers the physical side of things a little. I think that your relationship has started to move into a more "spiritual" or "cerebral" phase, and the sex itself is of less importance to you. I would be up front about it and tell your guy basically what you have told us on AB, then try to work out where sex fits into it. Be careful though - don't make it sound as if he isn't "doing it" for you any more, as this could be devastating to him. I'd be very interested in hearing how it goes.

[kick3m0n]

Hi Kazzi....you keep repeating that he "isn't doing anything different" and I suspect that's part of the problem. Sexuality and eroticism aren't static things, they grow and change and develop as we grow older. It may just be that after 2 years together, your body (and mind) need something different to achieve that same level of excitement. Faking it is cheating you both though, and since you obviously have such a close nad open relationship, you should talk about this and how you can get things back on track. Keeping him in the dark about this is not the way to generate intimacy, and surely he'd be gutted if he ever found out. Maybe you could talk about fantasies, role playing, anything at all that you'd like to try, and see if you can come up with something that does the trick for you, so to speak. (You really need to let him in on your secret tho, or this just wont' work). It may well be that in a few weeks or months, when you return to the tried and tested methods, everything works like clockwork again, and this will be no more than a temporary blip. One thing tho......try not to worry or stress about it....that will only lead to more problems in cimaxing for you. Take care, good luck. xxx

[kazzianne]

Hi Saintjohnny - to give a bit more detail to the situation.We have always have a fantastic sex life,and try different things all the time.We dont make love quite as much in the week lately due to working hours,but that isnt a problem.I used to climax every single time,without fail,then one day about 7 months ago I didnt,which again didnt bother me and I didnt say a thing.But since then ,apart from the odd time,I almost never climax,unless I do it myself,if you catch my drift,whilst he is there,which luckily he enjoys watching.

He is a fantastic lover,and we aren't in a rut - we always do different things,and spontaneously too,and I really really enjoy the lovemaking,but for some bizarre reason he comes and I dont.I havent told him as he will think its his fault which it isnt ,and he cant possibly try anything new - I think we covered the entire Kama Sutra yesterday!!

I still have a very high sex drive,and always want to make love,but this is getting me down now.

[Drusilla1S]

As you are aware kazzianne, the female orgasm is as much psychological as it is physical. The fact you are now concerned about this matter is yet another reason for you not experiencing an orgasm.

I know it may sound crazy, but sit down and talk with him and maybe even suggest laying off sex for a month. At the end of that time, you will be so desperate to get your hands on him that any residual concerns you have may be so far at the back of your mind as to not register at all.

Leaving a problem alone can, in these cases, be more effective than actively trying to tackle them.

[uptheboro]

Hi Kazzi, just a quickie - are you doing your 'solo' more now than you used to?

[kazzianne]

Yes I guess I am probably.

[uptheboro]

well maybe that's why then??!

you are obviously doing/thinking of something different when you are doing it yourself to when your partner is doing it.

are you thinking of him when you are doing it yourself?