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Loneliness

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Karmlady | 15:51 Tue 27th Dec 2022 | Body & Soul
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Been struggling with loneliness since broke up with bf couple of years ago and also especially over this Christmas period with 4 days off work but being ill so not seeing my mum on xmas day as planned. Be glad to go back to work tomorrow.
I need to find a way to make some friends but it's so hard. I'm 35, no children so can't meet people that way and hate all this communication via Internet. I yearn for real connections and real company, perhaps walk or drink in the pub.
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The old ways are sometimes the best... Join a club or interest group where you will meet people with whom you will have something in common. Maybe a language class, wine appreciation or an art class. It's hard sometimes to walk into a room full of strangers but it was a first time for them once. The other option is a church if you believe in god,
15:55 Tue 27th Dec 2022
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How lovely ladybirder. That gives me hope!
35 year old woman,broke up with her boyfriend 2 years ago and I bet that he was the only boyfriend and the love of your life.
Situation is common......very common and the solution is a matter of luck.....sheer luck.

You are either attractive to men and you will soon be picked over ,your problem solved OR unattractive to men and this is your problem.
My bet is the latter.
You will be pushed to get a partner and may well have to lower your standards ( as a suitable male contenders the same position will have to do)

Accept that you might be "lonely" whatever that means for the rest of your life and that may be far superior than being stuck with an unsuitable partner.

Give dating sites a miss, forget joining clubs (they will all know why you joined) and live a life that is before you.

You might be lucky, you might not.
In other words just sit at home and let life pass you by.

Don't take chances and don't grasp life. Don't join a club in case you meet like minded, fun people and enjoy new experiences.
I've done all that, Sqad and I couldn't be happier. And neither Rowan nor I lowered our standards.
Karma is 35 for god's sake.
Indeed gness. Just my opinion.
In other words...35 is YOUNG!
Some on here are just cynical and negative...they call it being realistic.
Leave being realistic to your 70s...plenty of time. ;)
What Pasta said....except for the 70s bit. I'm well into that but realistic....not a chance! ;-)
I was trying to be realistic...cautiously ;)
Personally, I would say find friends of both sexes and forget getting a partner. It's very obvious when people are looking for a partner. Partners are not essential. Friends are. Partners come about usually by accident. Just build up your confidence and go out and enjoy life. My son met his wife on a members only music site. He wasn't in any way looking for a partner! You are only young. Make the most of it.
And forget dating sites!
Good post by lofty above.
Don,t appear to be "gagging for it".......even if you are ;-)
You are either attractive to men and you will soon be picked over ,your problem solved OR unattractive to men and this is your problem.
My bet is the latter.

Forget That!! It's just Sqad being his usual self. We love him really!

KarmLady. I am also known as Lofty, LOttie or both, just in case you are looking for my post Sqaddy mentions.
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I think my problem might be finding a man that's attractive and single squad.

I agree with the luck though. A lot of luck is required. Also, just got to remember the world is a big place, we get used to our local area or patch. Same routine seeing same people day in and day out.

I do sometimes think that the best may have been and gone but I want to find ways to get out more and create some opportunities for myself. You can accept your position while still hoping for more.
I think it's hard when you are about your age because people are busy with raising kids and the singles are thin on the ground. I used to say to my Mum that there were more clubs etc around for the oldies than 30 somethings. Have you looked at Meetup? Depends where you live but they are quite active in some areas.
Sqad, don’t ever volunteer for the Samaritans, I beg you.

Karmlady, your Nextdoor app will have a tab for groups and events, you might find something that interests you. Mine has various singles groups for different ages, support groups, coffee shop meetings, pub quiz teams, casual walking, hiking, exercise groups - even a swingers club. Sewing, bodybuilding, arts and crafts, dancing, litterpicking, walk my dog. You mind find something that interests you.
Check out activities at your local library, too. Mine has coffee and cake evenings as well as book related events, local authors reading etc.

You don’t have to actively set out to meet a man, just expand your social life and get stuck in. I wish you well
/////You can accept your position while still hoping for more.///

Exactly.
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*sqad even! (Before u guestimate my intellect as well as my appearance lol)
Why do you think Karma would appear to be gagging for it, Sqad?
In the space of six weeks two close friends and I lost our husbands suddenly.
We weren't "gagging for it" or appearing to be when we had to make new lives. When you lose a partner you often lose the couples you socialised with.

Karma was asking about making new friendships which many of us do at times in our lives.
I've been around mainly as Lottie since 2004.
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Good advice here guys, thanks!

I suppose the other thing that stops me doing stuff is the way the country is so scary now. It feels more dangerous than it did when I was 20. I could go to Hyde Park for a concert or something and meet people but I'd be scared of getting stabbed.

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