Introverts...

[pixie374]

Just out of interest...my youngest, autistic son has his 18th birthday coming up- and my mum keeps wanting to arrange a party.

He is an introvert- fine, and autistic- fine- and just would not enjoy it. My mum has the best will in the world... but I have seen quite a few people trying to persuade others to "enjoy themselves", in "their" way. And I have said to her... "it depends if it's for us or for him".

Would you, personally, try to get someone to "have fun". Is it their problem to join in, or ours?

[Chinajan]

I wouldn't Pixie, no.

How does your son want his birthday to be celebrated? Or does he not want the day marked? I'd be guided by him.

[bhg481]

Let him enjoy his birthday in his own way. If there's one thing I hate it's people saying "You'll enjoy this..".

[anneasquith]

I’d ask your mum to keep out of your sons birthday arrangements. ( in the nicest possible way ).

[Buenchico]

'Celebration' isn't synonymous with 'party'. It's possible to celebrate a birthday with, say, a quiet meal with friends and/or family or perhaps an interesting day out somewhere.

I'm on the autism spectrum myself and I'm definitely NOT a 'party animal'! However that doesn't mean that I don't want to celebrate my birthdays; I simply look for 'non-party' ways to do so.

You need to remind your mother that there are ways to celebrate events other than parties!

[pixie374]

Thank you x I think she realised from the last message and just replied with kisses. But I realised it isn't just her- I'm fairly similar and don't like being the centre of attention. It's hard to get people to understand sometimes.

[pixie374]

Thanks Chris x China, his ideal would be one or two familiar people at a time and fairly briefly x

[Sqad]

Aged 18, grandma wants him to have a party, introvert, extrovert, what is the big deal either way?
Its not going to scar him for life for God's sake.

Can't understand the issue.

[anneasquith]

Sqad. He is autistic., and 18 year old boys are strange creatures. He doesn’t want a party .the issue is it’s his birthday,

[pixie374]

Not a huge issue, sqad. Just wondering now, whether I should be trying to encourage him to be "more sociable". As, up to now, I have just accepted it isn't really for him.

[pixie374]

Yes, Anne x

[Sqad]

Right........?.......?.?...didn't understand that...?..

[Buenchico]

^^^ The issue, Sqad, is that a party might well turn out to be an enjoyable experience for everyone present except the birthday celebrant. Grandma appears to be considering her own enjoyment, and that of other family members, ahead of the wishes of her grandson (who should surely be the one whose views are given priority on his 'landmark' birthday).

[Mamyalynne]

I agree with the majority and Grandma should be thanked but told 'No thanks'.

Let him decide what he wants to do,if anything at all.

[Sqad]

Buenchico.....no, I still can't see the deal.
Whether introvert, extrovert or pervert, you cannot expect to go through life just doing what you think is good for you.
No........and what is so "landmark " about one's 18th birthday?

[pixie374]

Thank you xx that is my instinct, but other opinions very welcome x

[davebro]

I think my friends have realised that when I say "Thanks for the invite - but no thanks", then there is no point in pursuing the matter.

[anneasquith]

Sqad. I think the fact the lad is autistic is very relevant . Ask Chris .

[Sqad]

Who is Chris ?
Because he says he is on the "autistic spectrum " whatever that is, does that invalidate my opinion in any way?

[Buenchico]

>>> you cannot expect to go through life just doing what you think is good for you

But would it be too much to hope that people would be nice to you on your birthday, rather than totally horrid? (That's how I would have seen it if someone had been foolish enough to arrange a party for my 18th birthday. I wouldn't have felt grateful to the organiser; I'd have simply wanted to punch them in the face and tell them to get all of the partygoers as far away from me as possible).

[Musictv2019]

I have autism as well and I would just do what your son wants it's up to him I would prefer to have a quiet day with my family.