Alzheimers Is There Anyone On Here Who Can Give Advise Please.........

[lilacben]

My mother in law is worrying us . She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer but we do not know what we should do for the best. my brother in law lives with her and sister in law a few miles away. However mum phones us up all times of the time or night with nothing really to say. She doesnt know if it is day or night. Now she is talking about wanting to go home. But she is at home. Yesterday she phoned in a very upset state and sister in law went to see her. When she got there mum had her coat on and said she was going to leave. She was trying to get her cat into a bag to take with her.? Brother in law works shifts so cannot be home all the time. BUt we are worried about her being in the house on her own or even her going out. What is the next stage we should be going to.? I say it is a 24.7 care home but really not sure.x

[Marijn]

Get her a social worker. You can be put in touch with one through her GP, and then they will know everything that needs to be done and will help you with everything.

[honey33]

hi my father has alzheimers (coronary) there are different types... we had to put him in a home in january he lived alone but i live 180mile away and sister 40mins driveay...he was saying things like your mother , my dad was very fit and walked every where and 3 times a day he would go for walks for an hour or 2, but then he would go looking for a dog he didnt have and silly things like that..... at first we got him some care to the home which made sure he had 3 meals a day, but he had a really bad fall and ended up in hospital when the carers came round they were shocked to see him covered in blood... we put him in the home for respite care which ended up being permanent as we agreed that was best thing for him and we knew he would be well cared or nd had ppl there to talk too as my dad is very sociable... tbh tho my father seems the only sane one in there as the other ppl have more advanced than him..... its a very hard decision you willhve to make for her safety. but you say your brother in law lives there? cant he care for her.. if not and you decide on putting her in care then your brother in law will probably have to find someere to live,,,,, maybe start with the home help first

[honey33]

as you say she has alzheimers then you must have already been to your gp and had memory assesments done? so social should of already been informed and such like

[lilacben]

Thankyou to both of you.
notafish, My husband has just phoned his sister and she said nothing had been said about a social worker. So she thinks she may look into that on monday.
Honey my brother in law says he doesnt want to give up work as he will not get a good pension and he has at least seven years. Also yes he would have to sell the house for the fees. But I get the feeling he is dragging his feet as he will lose his home.

[DTCwordfan]

e-mail me on [email protected] and I'll take it from there, lilacben.

My mother has it, and I am writing a book on the experiences - and advice.

I'm out this evening (until about 9) but around tomorrow.

[Marijn]

The social worker is there to advise and help the whole family. Find out who the social worker is, and speak to him/her. You don't need to struggle to cope with this by yourselves.

[DTCwordfan]

(your confidentiality is assured - ask me what you want.....
where are you on the medical trail? If you could give me some indication of that....)

[losgigs]

After my Mum was diagnosed 2 years ago, I joined the Alzheimer's Soc forum (www.alzheimers.org.uk/forum) where people give fantastic advice very quickly - a bit like AB really. If you're lucky and live in the area where there is an Admiral nurse who would be specially qualified, then they will visit or give telephone advice. Hopefully she will get medical help quickly. Good luck.

[bednobs]

there are many things that could be done if you want her to remain at home (lots of assisstive technology for example) social services is your first port of call

[Mosaic]

Like others have said, get in touch with the Alzheimers Society and keep in touch. It is a difficult time ahead and you need to work out as a family what to do as each stage develops, and to get every bit of help that you can.

[honey33]

i can understand all your anxietys asits a vry hard decisssion to make and very stressfull for everybody concerned,, there is loads of memory tests and appointments with different ppl which all es time but you just keep telling yourself its your mothers safety.... we had to sell dads house to pay his fees too its so annoyiong when ppl work all heir lives and do things right and save hard then the government takes it all, my dad would be distraught if he knew this has been the case for him.. he only gets 22 pound a week allowance he cant even have his own weekly pension!!

[plowter]

Second what losgigs and notafish suggest. Contact Alzheimer's Society for information and get her a social work assessment.

There are lots of different types of dementia. The most common ones involve changes to short-term memory. With my mother she was the same person but degenerated and started acting like an adult-child. She forgot things, remembered things wrongly, took odd notions and became frustrated when you didn't understand what she meant.

We were lucky and she went to a day-care centre where they were given lots of activities based in the forties and fifties. Period music, decor, costume, etc. The difference was amazing. She 'woke up' because those memories were fresh. She found it very difficult to cope with 'now' because she couldn't make and keep recent memories.

It's a very frustrating situation because you want to treat her like a child but every so often she'd remind you she was you mother.

She might be able to stay in her home with suitable support. You'll need a social work assessment for that. Good luck - it's a very difficult situation.

[bednobs]

without wishing to detract from the original question, honey, how is the gvt taking it all, if his house was sold to pay for care? surely the care provider is getting it? He'll pay less to the gvt in fact - no inheritance tax/!