What the hell's wrong with my formula?

Grossbean91 | 20:08 Mon 14th May 2012 | Science

37 Answers

Hi there, me and my partner have devised a miracle tan lotion which protects the user 100% from burning, even if you have pale skin and red hair (My partner's ginger)
We've tested it in the Sahara, death valley California Alice springs in Australia and it was whilst we were testing on the beach and off the Cape of Good Hope's coast we ran into a problem, a very big problem that nearly caused a fatality with our beta testers, you see when the testers had roasted in the sun and went off too cool off in the water they were suddenly surrounded by sharks trying to get at them and they were just in knee high water which was very strange.
We tested at a few other places and came to the same conclusion that it could be an ingredient in the tan lotion so we brought some mushed fish guts (Chum) which the sharks love and then got several mannequins which we smeared with the tan lotion and then chartered a small boat and went to shark infested waters where we carried out several tests in which we threw the mannequins on one side of the boat and the fish chum on the other and everytime there was a frenzy with sharks on the mannequin side with them leaving the chum completely, other tests we threw out non smeared mannequins and chum in which there was a frenzy for the chum and the mannequins left alone completely which gave us the result that our lotion attracts sharks bigtime.
We have isolated the ingredient to the seal blubber we use in our lotion but this is the main ingredient and without it our lotion wouldn't work, so my question is does anyone know how to isolate the different compounds in seal blubber so we can independently test each variation so that we can leave out the shark attractor asyou know no one is going to put anything on their body and go swimming on the beach knowing that it's going to attract sharks.
I may be too busy to answer right away so thanks in advance.

Alone?

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HowardKennitby

I am more concerned about how you are getting a supply of seal blubber.

MarkRae

I get mine from owls...

venator

Perhaps it could be good as a sandwich spread?

Grossbean91

Question Author

Look no offence chaps but i 've put this in the science section and not the joke section for a purpose.
This is serious we're potentially losing a lot of money daily with this problem and this could be a revolution and could help millions of people who couldn't usually sunbathe do so, and wait until you hear the best bit, two of out beta testers were albino, as stayed in the sun all day and the only place were they had slight burn was around their eyes where the lotion wasn't applied and where the sun penetrated. Do you know what this means if we can isolute the rogue compound and make this safe? Albinos, redheads, kids, in fact anyone that burns lives will be made easier with this and believe me I'm not in this for the money, we came up with this purely to help my partner who's a readhead feel comfortable in the sun as she's never been sunbathing beacause of this. I just want to help others like I helped her.
HowardKennitby I can assure you my licenced suppliers from Greenland, Iceland, Norway and Russia and Canada only supply us with legal blubber obtained from moderated cullings.

Grossbean91

Question Author

If no one can help can you direct me to a reliable science forum that can?

ChuckFickens

http://tinyurl.com/d22n6lj

Grossbean91

Question Author

Chuckfickens didn't you read my answer? I asked for directions to a scientific forum not a website about owls as no one seems to know the answer here.

carrust

http://uk.groups.yaho...OwlConservationTrust/

Grossbean91

Question Author

Well thanks for the input anyway, i guess I'll have to use google to source a good science forum or come back here when the jokers have gone to bed.

Old_Geezer

Just put, "Do not enter shark infested water whilst wearing this product", on the label, and you'll be fine.

Grossbean91

Question Author

Your post made the most sense on this thread oldgeezer, is it usually like this with kids making wisecracks that ain't even funny?

percypineapple

I should be careful using google, they may send the blokes in the black suits in a people carrier and take you away to some military base somewhere, then they can get the formula and make buckets of it and bottle it as super strong sun tan lotion and send it to our enemies and when they go swimming they will be eaten by the sharks. does it also work with crocodiles? Is it o.k. to use in bournemouth? big cod and shrimps there, so i am told.

theprof

It can't be done. Mass Spectrometry of seal blubber will certainly provide you with the details of the majority of the compounds contained therein, but it will not disclose all of them. In addition, blubber contains thousands of individual compounds many of which are known as chemical compounds but cannot be isolated as individual compounds. Therefore, any attempt to add in these individual compounds is doomed to failure.

Furthermore, the type of Mass Spectrometry needed to carry out this task is hugely expensive. Private research facilities will charge you massive amounts of money to carry out this research. My university and Science Park MS costs are more reasonable but they are working seven days per week right now.

MS will not provide you with all the answers you seek and further costly research will become necessary. You really do need to consider the commercial viability of your product in the light of these costs.

I also need to point out that testing each variation as you put it could take decades to carry out and some variations will be impossible to achieve due to the compounds being difficult to isolate.