the boyfriend

[mustang00]

My daughter is twelve years old she has a boyfriend. they went to a movie together with other friends ( the only way I would consitter her going with him) they hold hands she said he kissed her once my question is what should be the limits

[xxlizziexx]

im 14, when i was 12 i had a boyfriend called kris, he really liked me and i liked him to. he was my first boyfriend, for me i was really nervous to kiss with tounges with him, i did it in the end but that was it. shes 12 years old and i doubt very much that she will go futhure than kissing him, if she did then i think that means she really likes him. let her do what she wants to do though beacuse if you start setting rules in a bad way she will go and do things out of spite.
how long have they been going out? are you close to her? i mean does she talk to yuo about everything? how old is her boyfriend? hope this helps xx

[andy hughes]

I think twelve is too young for a child (and that is what she is) to be pretending to be an adult. Experimenting at this age can have disasterous consequences which your daughter is certainly not old enough to cope with. Since she is in a relationship, you should have a very frank talk about sex, contraception, and responsibilities, and hope she listens.

[crazy chick]

Well as her parent you should really know the boundries and limits and should have them set firmly down. I doubt that anything more will come of this but I think you should sit her down and discuss with her what is and is not acceptable. At her age she may be very passive and may do what her boyfriend wants. As andy hughes said sit her down and have a frank discussion with her. I hope this helps!

[spunkypumpkn]

hello. I'm a health visitor and have been asked this by lots of parents with children of your daughters age. Its a tricky one! And there is no one correct answer, as there are so many variables, and issues to consider? How mature is your daughter? How old is her 'boyfriend'? I use this term very loosely, as at this age, when they first start to experiment with relationships with the opposite sex, a 'boy/girl friend' may last only for a week or so.

I believe that your daughter is simply 'testing the water'. I think that a kiss at this age will probably be mostly innocent, and that you should try to bear this in mind.

I recall having a 'boyfriend' at this age, and although we kissed... that was it! I was WAY too scared to do anything else. Although our children ARE growing up faster these days... its not THAT much faster, and I believe that she'll probably feel much the same way as I did some twenty years ago.

I do urge you to talk to her though, and in a very light and gentle way, express your concerns to her... ie.. that you wouldn't want her to do anything OTHERTHAN kiss.

Best of luck.

[liljoolz]

i was 12 once as you were, what did you do? i think the best thing is to let it slide and just be there if she wants to talk and maybe bring up the subject of things going further. she maybe only 12 but her body etc is more grown up than she is. be gentle, dont scare her. and lastly do not embarrass her, she will never talk to you again.!!! 

[georgit79]

...and she probably didn't even really want to kiss him anyway! I'm having flashbacks to when I was 12...god it was awful..changing body, boys getting interested, peer pressure...I'd just give her a big hug!

[dionne_ward]

I am a 32 year old mother of a 15 year old boy.  I have a very open relationship with my son and he was dating at 12, they were ice skating together and holding hands.  I'm not sure you can set the boundaries that easily without never letting her out of the door or following her everywhere.  In my opinion she will make the right decisions as long as she has been guided in the right direction by her parents and family.  I have always discussed sex with my son from a young age and have never avoided dealing with any questions, I have had condoms in the bathroom for a while just in case.  You cannot live in ignorance and think that these things are not going to happen and maybe they will happen earlier than you consider acceptable, but you can do no more than be open with her and discuss her boyfriend, ask about him and what he's like.  She will open up and hopefully you will feel more comfortable, dont forget to talk to her about your boyfriends or situations you have been in - its a two way street!

[xxlizziexx]

just wanted to say that the condom idea in the bathroom is an amazing idea, i really think that is one of the best ideas ever dionne_ward