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Madmonks

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Madmonks

Return to sender

A container holding 250,000 England tops was returned to the FA today by the people of Haiti. Attached was a not saying “We have no homes, no food and no water but we still have our...
20:37 Sun 20th Jun 20103 answers, last by Madmonks 19:33 Mon 21st Jun 2010
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Madmonks

Custody Battle

A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?" "Because he beats me"...
20:28 Sun 20th Jun 20102 answers, last by Madmonks 19:32 Mon 21st Jun 2010
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Madmonks

Three old men sitting in church praying........

The first one asks, 'God when will I ever win the pools?'. God answers, ' In ten years time.' The old guy says, 'but I'll be dead by then!' The second old man asks, 'God, when will I ever win the...
18:35 Sat 19th Jun 20101 answer, last by minesapint 01:50 Sun 20th Jun 2010
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Madmonks

Three England Fans were discussing the game..

The first one said 'I blame the ball, if it didn't swerve Green would have caught it'. The second one said ' I blame those vuvuzelas, the team can't hear their mates calling for the ball'. The third...
17:52 Sat 19th Jun 2010
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Madmonks

Crowd trouble at England match

Police reported that hundreds of England fans tried to climb over the stadium walls at half time................ but they were caught and made to stay and watch the second half!...
17:43 Sat 19th Jun 2010
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Madmonks

Language barrier in the England camp

When Capello told the team they were going to try some new tactics Wayne Rooney asked if he could have the mint flavoured ones!
17:40 Sat 19th Jun 2010
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Madmonks

England v Algeria

For ten minutes last night England looked favourites to win .........then the match started!
17:37 Sat 19th Jun 20101 answer, last by ummmm 17:38 Sat 19th Jun 2010
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Madmonks

Why complain about the constant drone of the vuvuzelas...

It's nothing new....we've had to listen to the constant droning of Alan Hansen for years!
23:22 Fri 18th Jun 20106 answers, last by Madmonks 19:36 Mon 21st Jun 2010
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Madmonks

Fans complained about noise at England's World Cup game tonight..

They couldn't hear themselves blowing their vuvuzelas fro the England fans booing thier team!
23:19 Fri 18th Jun 2010
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Madmonks

The England World Cup team visited an orphanage in South Africa today.

‘It’s so good to put a smile on the faces of people constantly struggling and facing insurmountable odds,’ said Shiphiwe Modese, aged six.”
23:14 Fri 18th Jun 20102 answers, last by bigfoot3000 11:32 Tue 22nd Jun 2010
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Madmonks

Knock Knock...........

Who's there?............. David................ David who?....................... Stop mucking about, Gordon, and get out of my house!...
01:07 Thu 13th May 20101 answer, last by heathfield 10:44 Mon 17th May 2010
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Madmonks

A beautifl young girl was walking along the beach

weaing the tightest pair of denim shorts anyone had ever seen. A young man went up to her and said 'how can anyone get into a pair of shorts that tight?' She answered ' you could start by buyng me...
22:57 Sat 01st May 20102 answers, last by Madmonks 23:55 Sat 01st May 2010
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Swine flu is under control

All the pigs have been cured!
02:11 Thu 30th Apr 2009
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Yet another one to baffle the non-Scots

Abi had just moved to Glasgow from Israel in the 60's and moved into a tenement flat. He was feeling the cold so lit a coal fire which quickly set the chimney alight. The fire brigade arrived, having...
22:32 Mon 20th Apr 20098 answers, last by Madmonks 23:18 Mon 20th Apr 2009
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Madmonks

Map making made easy

When the Ordnance Survey were making their maps they used trig points set up on high ground to triangulate bearings and calculate distance etc. To do this they used an instrument called a theodolite....
22:39 Sat 04th Apr 20092 answers, last by Toneisok 01:28 Wed 08th Apr 2009
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Madmonks

Yet another pun

When three Native American women were giving birth they were in the maternity teepee and two were lying on buffallo hides but the other one was lying on the hide of a hippopotamus. When they had...
22:16 Wed 11th Mar 20097 answers, last by wakeover 05:21 Sat 14th Mar 2009
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Madmonks

'How the Fairy got to be on top of the Christmas Tree.'

When trees were first thought of as a decoration at Christmas Santa thought it would be a good idea to give one to every household so he checked his list and got all the little elfs and fairies to...
01:45 Tue 23rd Dec 20081 answer, last by Beatrix 09:28 Mon 17th Oct 2011
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Madmonks

Can anyone help translate to latin

Can anyone translate this to Latin? "Hope is lost on those who do not believe" Thanks in advance to all who help
18:53 Thu 25th Sep 20085 answers, last by fredpuli47 14:59 Fri 26th Sep 2008
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Madmonks

Strange registration plate

Can anyone shed light on a registration plate in the style 104X401
20:34 Sat 16th Aug 20083 answers, last by Toureman 00:21 Sun 17th Aug 2008
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Madmonks

What's the difference between.......

Diarrhoea and Depression? When you have depression you think the bottom has fallen out of your world........When you have diarrhoea you think the world has fallen out of your bottom!
00:58 Sat 02nd Aug 20084 answers, last by sir.prize 16:13 Sat 02nd Aug 2008

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