Mulling Again.....

[gness]

I love pressies.....getting and giving....and I do put a lot of thought into what I give...

Over the past few years I have given experience vouchers to some of the younger family members......Driving at Silverstone.....Segway and Flight Simulator.....that sort of thing.

Not only were these gifts not acknowledged...some (£150 worth) weren't used....so I decided to give cash then they could buy what they wanted.

Two gifts last month brought silence....(£50 and £30)....I had to check they had been received.....and I'm not looking for eternal gratitude....just a polite thank you so I know they've got it.

So...after much mulling I've decided to give them each a nice Christmas card explaining that the money I would have spent on a gift has been give to Crisis at Christmas.....I do know what being homeless feels like and it's a charity I support.

As I say.....I'm not looking for gushes of gratitude and I'll tease them a bit when we meet up......I'm not brooding over their lack of thanks either.....but I do think a thank you is important....

So....would you go along with the Crisis decision?....Or would you just keep giving?

Gx

[gness]

I don't think you've mentioned it's on Christmas Day at all, Minty...x

[murraymints]

how remiss of me ! :-D

[gness]

Eccles.....I did give it a great deal of thought.....but if I got £50 in a birthday card I couldn't not acknowledge it...so I don't really understand how they can open it...spend it...and not say.....Thank you.....I've bought a ?????? with my birthday money.....x

[corylus]

Just get a card, affix a paper clip to the inside of it, add the words Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas, spend the cheque on whatever you like!

[gness]

Sooo tempting, Cory....☺

[ummmm]

Haha...Like Cory's solution :-)

[EcclesCake]

I agree Gness, but not all do, as I found out.

My view is that young children can be stood over and assisted while writing their Thank You cards/emails/making the phone call. As they reach their teens they get to learn that their (in)actions have consequences, as adults there is no excuse and they also learn the hard way......albeit with a charitable outcome as per your proposal.

[vakayu]

I would be interested in the reaction out there to a Grandma with two grown up grandchildren who recieve money on birthdays and Christmas who do eventually send a thank-you card to say they received it,but that is the only communication all year.All the rest of the year there is no correspondence AT ALL not even a phone call now and then,obviously no interest whatsoever,no involvement in part or any of their lives,would you continue to give?

[corylus]

NO!

[EcclesCake]

If you are describing your own situation Vakayu I'd probably consider not sending anymore gifts either.

If you are describing your relationship with your grandchildren what has brought about such a distanced relationship, is it reflected in a self contained relationship you have with their parents? There is nothing to stop you contacting them too outside the annual rituals of birthdays and Christmas. Your grandchildren may have observed a distant relationship and assumed that that is how you like things to be, just a thought.

[ummmm]

My sons paternal grandparents have no contact with them. They drop off easter eggs and vouchers for xmas, they don't come in the house, they never see them, just stand at the door and hand things over.

Should I make the kids grateful?

No...

[Old_Geezer]

Humph I thought this would be a thread on mulled wine.

I don't think folk are brought up to acknowledge gifts any more. Maybe they don't believe the giver expects it.

As for giving, I'm at an age, or maybe I should say my niece and nephew are near an age, when I wonder if they should be treated as adults and only give to those who reciprocate, or not.

I don't think I'd go the charity giving route as it smacks of making out one have given a gift when one has, at most, forced them to have given their gift to charity. One should either give on their own behalf, or not.

Whether you continue to give gifts, is a separate and personal decision.

I think I'm going to0 be giving unreciprocated gifts until they are my age ! But maybe for the best as no one knows what I want and for years what gifts I have been given, whilst thanking the giver, have had a 50/50 chance of simply stored.

[Cloverjo]

I wouldn't tell them I'd given a cheque to charity instead. I'd just send them an empty card and let them think about it and realise why.

[gness]

Sorry to disappoint, OG.....wine will be mulling next week....x

I will give to Crisis and there will be no bad feelings.....I know I can say why I have done it.....there may be one or two blushes but I can tease them too... my way of making a point with no lingering hurt.

Vak.....if there is nothing more to your relationship than they just accept your gifts I would call a halt this year and see what happens.....x

[tamborine]

There is as much pleasure in giving as receiving. Mine thank me at handover but rarely on posted gifts except an sms. Xmas is once a year & if I can bring a lil happiness, a smiley will do me. Charities....they get their share from throughout the year.