I Would Just Like To Share The Groans....why Should I Suffer On My Own?

askyourgran | 23:08 Thu 09th Jan 2014 | Jokes

5 Answers

The Grim reaper came for me last night and I beat him off with my vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death....

A friend of mine recently admitted he was addicted to brake fluid. When I questioned him about that he said he could stop at any time....

Paddy said to Mick "I'm thinking of buying a Labrador". "Oh no Paddy" said Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

My friends wife has been missing for two weeks now and the Police have told him to expect the worst. So he went back to the Charity Shop to get all her clothes back.

I sat opposite an Indian lady on the train yesterday and she closed her eyes and stopped breathing. For a minute I thought she was dead then I noticed the red dot on her forehead and realised she was on standby.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it would be a good Korea move.

I bought some rocket salad yesterday but it went off before I could eat it.

My daughter wanted a pet spider for her birthday so I went to the pet shop they were £70, blow that I thought I'll get one cheaper off the web.

I went to the cemetery this morning to lay some flowers on a grave and I noticed four men carrying a coffin. 3 hours later they were still walking around with a coffin. I thought to myself "They've lost the plot".