advice needed

[upsetspouse]

My husband has committed bigamy but when i said i wanted a divorce after i found out he went mad. I told him I would stand by him while all the police investigation was going on and that i reported him because it was the right thing to do. I have been with him for 30 years. He shouted at me down the phone and told me he didnt want any contact and that if i had applied for a divorce i wasnt standing by him. I do still love him even though he has done this. My question is should I contact him now that he has had the chance to calm down and see if we can talk rationally about getting a divorce. I would not take him back after this but you cant just stop loving someone. Help me please

[andy-hughes]

It does seem that even though you love your husband, you accept that your marriage is over.

I understand your immediate reaction is to want to sever all ties with him legally, but this is something that can actually wait until the initial shock has died down, and the legalities have been sorted out.

I would concentrate on your arrangements for a physical seperation - it would seem only fair that he moves out of the maritl home, and put the actual divorce discussion on hold for now - there is ample time in the future to work out the details when both of you can assess thngs calmly and rationally.

My sincere sympathy for your situation- I do hope that you are able to get this sorted out, although you wil have to understand that it is going to take some time.

[upsetspouse]

Sorry Toes I am the legal wife been married to him for 25 years.

[Kiki-frog]

I can understand you being upset - what a nightmare situation you are in!

I remembered you had raised your problems with your husband earlier, so I had a quick look back at your earlier threads, and it looks as though your husband initially claimed that he had divorced you without your knowledge and remarried. So is he now denying this? Is he saying that him divorcing you would have been OK, but not you wanting to divorce him?

I don't really understand what's going on here, but so say you still love your husband - fair enough, you can't help your own emotions. But it does complicate the situation.

If the police are investigating his case, the best thing you can do is just wait and see what happens and not contact your husband. If you love him as you say, your emotional state could lead you into trying to protect him from the law in some way, which could have serious consequences for yourself.

For your own sake, and also for his, don't try to contact him until the police investigation is over. You will only make the situation more complex.

[murraymints]

give him the divorce..get out now !

[upsetspouse]

my husband had told the female concerned that he was divorced but he wasnt. My husband has told me he doesnt want a divorce but i do as i cant carry on with the marriage as i could never trust him again. I know my emotions are all over the place and it is so hard to deal with all this on my own. I understand that i should have no contact with him but it is so hard as i feel he is now blaming me for the situation he has got himself in and he will use this against me when i do go through with the divorce. Sorry I have no one else i can talk about all this to so i hope you understand.

[murraymints]

upset..he is trying to shift the blame onto you..you are NOT responsible for his actions...be strong and get him out of your life before he does more harm to you !

[Kiki-frog]

I agree with murraymints - your husband commits bigamy, and it's somehow your fault? No, he's the one who has committed the criminal act. He's the one who has cheated on you and also deceived some other poor woman.

I'm not sure how the courts treat bigamy these days, but it used to be a jail sentence. I really think the best thing you can do is let the police investigation take its course and likewise any subsequent court case. You can't influence this, and could get yourself into hot water if you tried.

And in the mean time, start looking seriously at divorce.

[sallybb]

Murraymints is spot on, you're the innocent party in this. Look in the mirror and tell yourself 'I deserve better than this'. He doesn't even deserve further consideration, he didn't consider your feelings. It's not easy to let go but you need to move on and start the next chapter in your life. Even though you still love him, he clearly doesn't love you judging by his actions. Big hug xx