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Guilt

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TOWIE | 18:51 Thu 03rd Nov 2011 | ChatterBank
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As some of you may know, the first Care Home my Mum was in she was physically abused. There has been an ongoing investigation since January into my allegations. I have just had a phone call from the Local Authority with the results. There were at least 20 other complaints aswell as mine. The Police were also involved, and the photos were shown to them of Mum's injuries, but because there were no dates on the photos, they couldn't verify when the injuries were inflicted.

The offshot of the investigation is, that the Manager was sacked, the Home obviously has changed hands (it was Southern Cross) and it has greatly improved with staffing levels and now has a Duty Manager aswell as a Manager.
They looked at my Mum's records and care plan, and found many discrepancies in them. Obivously we can never prove who inflicted those injuries on my Mum.

I thought I would feel better after the phone call, but now I feel even more guility for placing my poor Mum in that dreadful place, and knowning she endured this, just makes me want to weep.

Just thought I would update anyone that remembered me talking about it.
Den xx
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Den... We can only do what we can with the information we have at that moment... you have acted always in the best interest of your mum...and all this is getting tangled up in the normal grieving process,,, it is done and you and others have made a huge difference as a result... it takes courage to take on organisations and sort out issues like this...and I know from the work my ex husband used to do these places are incredibly good at covering up the abuse... YOU WOULD NOT HAVE KNOWN.... until it was too late or as in your case a third party became involved... try to let it go now... you have done enough it sounds like there are others who could carry on... time to think of yourself again....
I dont think there is a perfect home Towie, we have many great homes in this country but we also have an awful lot of the "not so good" the most important thing is to read the C.Q.C (Care Quality Commission) reports of these homes, available online, these will give you some idea of the past failings of the home concerned and what to look out for. Ask to see a copy of her Care Plan and sit down with a member of staff if necessary and go through it word by word, ask to see the MAR sheet (Medication Administration Record) ask for an explanation of any medication she is taking if you are unsure, these meds are prescribed by her GP but it is still good to know what she is taking and why.

The home I work in is good but I have issues that I regularly raise and I am usually at odds with the management or Directors over something, it is a very tough industry to get everything right but as long as people keep fighting for these peoples rights the better these places will get. Just remember if you are registered as "next of kin" you have the right to inspect all the information held on a relative and it does no harm to remind the home that you have this right!
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Thanks Rowan and Ratter.xx

Ratter - them CQC Reports are not worth the paper they are written on. I did get in touch with them at the start of the investigation and the Manager I spoke to told me, that normally the checks on Homes were done once a year (even though the reports I read online were way older than that) then she told me because of cutbacks they were now only going to get done once every 3 years. I told her they should be done every 6 months.
Towie, I agree with some of what you say, I know the dealings of CQC is not perfect but unfortunately it is all we have and when they do make an inspection they are very thorough, the problem is that so much can be hidden from them and regularly is.
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RATTER - when I read the CQC Reports on the Homes in the area for my Mum, they were all worded the same, all the Inspectors quite obviously arrived in the morning, even though we are told unannounced, I do believe they target a specific area and perhaps one Home tips off another Home - call me suspicious, but the glowing Reports we read, never matched up with when we went to view them.

The Home my Mum eventually settled in, was excellent, yet the CQC Report gave it only a 2 star rating.
When you placed you mum in that dreadful home you did so because you cared and placed your trust in them which sometimes we have to do. If you hadn't reported them other people's relatives would have suffered further.
towie, have you tried to talking to someone not involved (other than ab).

r&ra have an adviceline to assist people who have parents in care homes, and also in dealing with guilt and such abuse. if you feel up to it, why not call them and just ...chat. i know it seems tobe about opitons and choices, but they do counsel on abuse cases as well.

http://www.relres.org/advice-line.html
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Thank you Jayne. x

Thank you for the Link Ankou. x
Den, I totally agree with you about the CQC reports. I also made a complaint via them about the first care home Mum was in and they never got back to me. That Care Home was marked as 'Good' in their report. x
The problem with CQC is much of what they base their reports on is not what you will see in the home, it is a lot more involved than just the basic care. they cant actually tip each other off like that, its like a kitchen inspection, their inspection will usually be over a day or two, not just pop in when passing.

A 2 star rating is a good rating, very few places get a 3 star= excellent. The fact that what someone sees as an excellent care home may fail miserably in other departments than the actual care side.

Im not defending CQC but having many dealings with them I know a bit of how they work, I also know that even some of the the very poor homes can get a good star rating if the staff want to put on a good show and the paperwork is in order. CQC can only judge a place on what it sees, the evidence supplied and witnessed, This can be, and is often manipulated.

Incidentally the star rating system is no longer in use.
Did you read this article in the Daily Mail yesterday Den? It seems they are all the same - disgusting, I dread the thought of my Mum or me going in a home like that..........
http://www.dailymail....als-care-elderly.html
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Morning Lottie - I remember you telling me about that - I think a lot of these so called 'Inspectors' do everything text book style, but commonsense and having a sixth sense that something is not looking/feeling as it should, could also go a long way.

RATTER - the abusive Home Mum was in had a 3 Star Rating - and to be honest, when me and Dad viewed the Home, it was the best of a bad bunch that we visited, and didn't look too bad on that day. So I suppose the Inspectors could visit on a 'good day' when everythig in the garden looks rosy.

Anyway, thank you for all your comments, I must get in the shower now.

Den xx
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Morning Ann - yes, I did read that in the paper, quite horrifying. (:o((

see you later. x
Ann86, No they are not all disgusting, thats just silly talk!!
I couldn't bear the thought of this happening to my Mum (Or Dad) and I'm sure I'd want to kill someone if they hurt my beloved parents. We put our trust in these places and they let us down badly. Not your fault Den, but the guilt's awful isn't it. I will NEVER understand how some people can ill treat the elderly, they seem to forget they will be old themselves one day. I hope you feel better soon x
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Thank you notasyoungasiwas for your kind comments.

Believe me, if at the time this happened I knew for definate who inflicted those wounds on her, they would not be walking this planet......(:o((

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