Is it wrong for a man to share his ex's bed (for sleep only) for 7 months after splitting up with her, and while he's seeing someone else?

[fire_opal]

My partner slept in his ex's bed for 7 months after splitting up with her, although he'd officially moved out and was living at his mothers. It wasn't continuously, but he stayed there for a week at a time, or as at Christmas (4 months after he'd split with her) he spent 21 nights out of 28 over the xmas/new year period at her house, sharing her bed (no sex apparently). The reason he gives is: it was to see his daughter (now aged 2), and he likes his sleep and doesn't 'do' settee's!
We have had many words over this, as I feel it really wasn't appropriate - he was staying at mine occasionally and we were already having a sexual relationship, and I had told him I really didn't like the fact he stayed there (particularly in her bed!!).
He thinks I'm loopy to mind that he stayed there, and seems to have no comprehension of how hurtful I found this at the time. I cannot explain rationally/calmly how this hurt me, as he flies off the handle, rants and raves and threatens to leave to go back to his mums (we've been living together for 8 months). In fact, he's apparently leaving this evening.
Am I wrong to think his behaviour was wrong? Am I loopy to find it hurtful?
Oh, I forgot to mention that his ex lives 4 miles away (20 miles from his mothers house). And while he was staying at his ex's, I was unable to have any contact with him whatsoever, as he turned his mobile off.
Sorry it's such a long message :(

[Mick-Talbot]

For Funks Sake sake you lot, why do you find it hard to believe they never had sex in 7 months despite sharing the same bed?


haven't any of you been married?

[Jemisa]

Bloody Hell, you didn't fall for all that sh!t did you.??

jem

[askyourgran]

I agree with 4get, sometimes you are too close to the situation that you don't or won't see what is obvious to others.

[4getmenot]

i think some peoples answers will make her open her eyes but she doesnt need to be taken pee out of. She's probably very upset.

[boxtops]

I think he has no moral concern for you - sorry to say but I agree, it sounds like he's playing away with you. Four miles is not far, do you know his ex? Has he ever said anything to you casually about you not being in touch with his ex? How ex is she - are they actually divorced? sorry but I bet not - it sounds like he's playing away, and I am so so sorry for you.

[tinkerbell23]

Awww hun thats awful u r 100% right hes treating u like an absolute ...u know what....and you arent that...then to make u feel like that u r the wrong one! Insult to injury tell him to Fosters off to his mums and flippin stay there u dont deserve that hunny x

[fire_opal]

His ex girlfriend and I used to be friends, and he thought he wouldn't be able to see his daughter if she found out he was seeing me. (They split up in Sept 2009 - his daughter was 6 months old). We started seeing each other a month later. Then we had the xmas fiasco. I had enough in April 2010 and went to her house to tell her he was seeing me. He moved in with me in July 2010. He hasn't seen his daughter since August last year and is currently applying for contact at the court (he first saw the solicitor in Sept).
Although he has threatened to leave if I bring up the subject of his staying over the xmas and other times, he never has. His mother says that with all of his ex g/f's he was forever staying at his mums because they were always falling out (he very rarely stayed for longer than 6 days at his last girlfriends house, even though they had a child). Xmas and new year 2009/10 seemed to be the exception.

[boxtops]

He doesn't sound exactly like a stayer, does he? - you don't sound very certain either, IMO you might want to consider your future?

[society]

...and you believe him and his mother?

[askyourgran]

I wouldn't get involved. let him sort out his life. He seems very immature,

[boxtops]

I don't know what his mother's thinking of, letting him behave like a teenager and keep running home to her. Sounds like he has all three of you dancing to his selfish immature tune, he's playing you all off against each other. Lay it on the line, you have to - I'll bet you a pound to a penny that he has a major flounce and threatens to leave you. Let him. It'll hurt like hell, but you are worth more than this. Don't let him come back, change the locks. Turn off your phone. Move on. He's not your partner, he's someone who sleeps with you and is taking you for a fool. You know you're not.

[S_C]

sounds to me like you have to ask yourself one question....


Do I deserve better .....

frankly if you do not say yes to this your heading down the road of both stupidity and misery

get rid of him and get someone who will be honest and treat you like you deserve to be treated.

[happyone2]

There are times, when i try hard to see the other persons ( ie your boyfriend ) point of view, when i wonder if there is some underlying issue that might have affected the situation.

But in this situation, it would appear not to be the case !! he , i think is being totally unreasonable and i wonder why you want to be with him.

And i also ask if he would mind if you slept with an ex ................??

id let him leave and see how you feel when you have had some space.

good luck

[tamborine]

maybe his wife wants his comforting too. You're the other woman, get used to it.

[maggie01]

There are red flags and warning bells galore here. But I think you probably know that already. Sorry

[dotty.]

lol, the old ones are the best

[DaisyNonna]

Partner? No way. Get rid.

[dotty.]

come on get a grip FGS, stop living in a dream world

[AlBags]

If I were you I'd get a man in ... pronto ..
and get him and his stuff out of your life love.