Retreat from the rat race.

Andyvon | 23:39 Sun 26th Sep 2010 | Jokes

7 Answers

An Englishman decides he's had enough of working for years in the tax office so he buys himself a cottage on a remote Scottish island. After driving to Scotland and taking the ferry to an island, he leaves the car and is rowed across a dangerous passage to another island. He then hikes 5 miles across the moors to reach his new cottage where he arrives after two days. The cottage has no electricity or running water, and the nearest neighbours are 5 miles away across the moors, but the views are beautiful and the peace and isolation suit the Englishman fine.

On his first evening, the Englishman waches the sun set into the western sea then he retires inside and lights his lamp. Suddenly, there's a loud banging on the door. The Englishman opens the door - and he's confronted by a huge Highlander standing in the gloom. The Highlander's 6 feet 10 and he's wearing a tartan kilt thrown back across his shoulder, he's got wild blue eyes, flaming red hair and a beard and his huge ham of an arm is resting on the rooftiles above the door.

The Highlander looks down at the Englishman standing there in his sandals and M&S shorts (the beige ones with a belt and hems) and says,
"Yer invited to a ceilidh" (pronounced 'kayley').
"Oh, thank you " said the nervous Englishman, "but I'm afraid I've just arrived and I'm not sure what a ceilidh is".
"Och" said the Highlander, "we ha' lots of singin', lots of dancin', lots of whisky. Then - when we're nice 'n' friendly - we ha' lots of shaggin'".
"Oh, well - thank you. That sounds very nice" said the Englishman slightly taken aback, "but I've never been to a ceilidh before so I'm not too sure what I should wear".
"Och" said the Highlander glaring down at the Englishman, "yer come as yer are laddie. Yer na ter worry. It'll just be the two o' us!"