ChatterBank5 mins ago
is she a real friend?
12 Answers
I am friends with a girl I see maybe once a week, we met through friends and got on really well. Anyway�
I went round her house and asked to use her internet to check my train. I noticed she had a blog so I remembered the address. A few days on I read her blog. It's just comments from her life in London. The other night I read from a few months back and she wrote about an afternoon when we met up. She said I'm a friend she doesn't want to get too close to because of aspects of my personality. She said I'm insecure. I used to be although as time has gone by I feel more secure with myself. I hate the fact that I have come across like this to her.
I know reading her blog isn't exactly right. I'm a little confused because actually she's massively insecure she has a real issue with being single and has been for a long time, she's in a job she doesn't enjoy and she has a weight problem.
How can I get her to want to know me better? Or do you think I should just leave this be� I actually want to help her. I feel a little used if I'm just a friend she wants to keep at arms length. What do I do?
I went round her house and asked to use her internet to check my train. I noticed she had a blog so I remembered the address. A few days on I read her blog. It's just comments from her life in London. The other night I read from a few months back and she wrote about an afternoon when we met up. She said I'm a friend she doesn't want to get too close to because of aspects of my personality. She said I'm insecure. I used to be although as time has gone by I feel more secure with myself. I hate the fact that I have come across like this to her.
I know reading her blog isn't exactly right. I'm a little confused because actually she's massively insecure she has a real issue with being single and has been for a long time, she's in a job she doesn't enjoy and she has a weight problem.
How can I get her to want to know me better? Or do you think I should just leave this be� I actually want to help her. I feel a little used if I'm just a friend she wants to keep at arms length. What do I do?
Answers
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A lot of people find writing what they feel a good release of their feeling.
where in all honesty she is possibly writitng about herself.
She may feel some jelaousy towards you that you have overcome your insecurities and she is yet to overcome hers.
I do not feel that you were wrong to read her blog as it is obviously open to anyone who knows the address.
Just continue as you are but just be aware of what you have read.
I'm sure she really does value your freindship a great deal.
Sometimes what you read is not the way that person meant to write it.
Hope that makes sense.
xx
where in all honesty she is possibly writitng about herself.
She may feel some jelaousy towards you that you have overcome your insecurities and she is yet to overcome hers.
I do not feel that you were wrong to read her blog as it is obviously open to anyone who knows the address.
Just continue as you are but just be aware of what you have read.
I'm sure she really does value your freindship a great deal.
Sometimes what you read is not the way that person meant to write it.
Hope that makes sense.
xx
This is one of the downsides of the cyber age - electronic eavesropping presents the same results as listening at keyholes - you often hear something you;d rather not know.
If we are honest, we all talk about people to other people in a way that we're hald the subject person doesn't know about. That doesn't always reflect an element of deception, it is just human nature.
How ever close a friend may be, there will be something about them that irritates or annoys you that you would never ever tell them - you simply accept it as part of their makeup but ...
you might discuss it with someone else.
That is what has happened here - and as you say in your post, you have opinions on your friend which she would not wish to know - imagine if she read your post on here?
You need to forget about this. Friendships develop in their own way - you can;t force things. if your friend wants to get close to you, she will, and if not, then she won;t, but neither of those potential outcomes reflect on you as a person.
We all suit some people more than others, that's life.
Treat friends' blogs like their diaries, which in a way they are - don't read them!
If we are honest, we all talk about people to other people in a way that we're hald the subject person doesn't know about. That doesn't always reflect an element of deception, it is just human nature.
How ever close a friend may be, there will be something about them that irritates or annoys you that you would never ever tell them - you simply accept it as part of their makeup but ...
you might discuss it with someone else.
That is what has happened here - and as you say in your post, you have opinions on your friend which she would not wish to know - imagine if she read your post on here?
You need to forget about this. Friendships develop in their own way - you can;t force things. if your friend wants to get close to you, she will, and if not, then she won;t, but neither of those potential outcomes reflect on you as a person.
We all suit some people more than others, that's life.
Treat friends' blogs like their diaries, which in a way they are - don't read them!
Perhaps that was her initial impression of you. I would imagine since getting to know you she has found qualities in you that she likes, or I wouldn't think you would see her once per week or she would invite you round to her place.
Has she any recent blogs about you? If not, then I would just say it was a first time meet and she wasn't too sure about you then. I think most people would see bad or negative points in many of their friends.
I have quite a few, who I would classify as neurotic or self centred, but there are many qualities I like in them. Perhaps they think the same of me, I just wouldn't write it on a blog or tell them I thought that of them.
Has she any recent blogs about you? If not, then I would just say it was a first time meet and she wasn't too sure about you then. I think most people would see bad or negative points in many of their friends.
I have quite a few, who I would classify as neurotic or self centred, but there are many qualities I like in them. Perhaps they think the same of me, I just wouldn't write it on a blog or tell them I thought that of them.
Andy, I think that's not quite right. Diaries are private - but blogs are public and anyone can read them. (Sallycroc, it is perfectly ok to read a blog, you have no need to feel bad about it; everyone can read it, they're <meant to.) So her behaviour is a bit out of order in my opinion (unless the blog is under a pseudonym).
Anyway, you are in luck: you know exactly what one of your friends thinks of you - and she doesn't know you know, so you can work on changing the way you appear to her. Whether it's worth it is another matter., and only you can decide whether you want to be friendly to someone who's cool toward you.
Anyway, you are in luck: you know exactly what one of your friends thinks of you - and she doesn't know you know, so you can work on changing the way you appear to her. Whether it's worth it is another matter., and only you can decide whether you want to be friendly to someone who's cool toward you.
I know that all my friends have a different view of me, depending on how close they are to me, how well they know me and also on where they are in their lives.
My married friends may think im a sad single muppet whose desperate for a man, my single friends may think im an outgoing social lady with lots of friends !! my sister thinks i might have slept around too much, my mum and dad dont comment but i think probably agree !!!
Everyone, has an opinion on everyone else......................and you know the only one that is important is your own !!!
Consider by all means what she wrote, take on board that which you are happy to acknowledge as valid, and dismiss that which you know to be untrue or invalid, at this time for you and then move on, either with her in your life or not.
she may want to know you better, she may not, that is her right and she should be allowed to make that choice as much as you can/do.......................... she may need your help, she may think you need hers, she may need help but not want yours............................... if you cant accept that and feel used just cos what she may want is not what you want - and you dont like that she cant see you as you see yourself - then look at how you are reacting to this not how she is......................
good luck
My married friends may think im a sad single muppet whose desperate for a man, my single friends may think im an outgoing social lady with lots of friends !! my sister thinks i might have slept around too much, my mum and dad dont comment but i think probably agree !!!
Everyone, has an opinion on everyone else......................and you know the only one that is important is your own !!!
Consider by all means what she wrote, take on board that which you are happy to acknowledge as valid, and dismiss that which you know to be untrue or invalid, at this time for you and then move on, either with her in your life or not.
she may want to know you better, she may not, that is her right and she should be allowed to make that choice as much as you can/do.......................... she may need your help, she may think you need hers, she may need help but not want yours............................... if you cant accept that and feel used just cos what she may want is not what you want - and you dont like that she cant see you as you see yourself - then look at how you are reacting to this not how she is......................
good luck
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