Can u accept a partner insulting u in an argument?

[FEELINLOST]

We've been together for awhile & it has been a rocky one but recently we've been getting on until now!!!

We seem to keep arguing over comments I make which he finds disrespectful - but when I explain to him it is not intentional he just says 'then why do u keep doing it'?
He tells me that I should refrain myself - but I really don't realise when I am disrespecting him!

Today we've had and argument & later he said F*** You!!!!
I said pls don't insult me like that & he said 'what are u gonna do'?! He commented on me always disrespecting him & I just walked away.....He has insulted me before so do I just keep on forgiving him?

[WiseOldSage]

Sometimes I was accused of being insensitive - and it always ended up in an argument as to who said what and it what way - maybe not so much insensitive but critical. I don't think my husband and I put our points across very well sometimes LOL

When things calm down we usually realise we were both on the same track

My husband can be a bit brutal with the way he phrases things - my biggest beef being when I ask what he wants to do or eat or whatever and he says, I don't care. I would say, I don't mind - the two phrases to me are different and his way seems aggressive. But he maintains we mean the same thing - it's about communication I think and how sensitive we are to what other people say

I tend to let some comments go just because that is the way someone is - the other day I pulled the handle off the window and my husband laughed and said, you idiot! I didn't take offence but said, sorry, I shouldn't have said that. To me I took it in the spirit it was meant - he thought he had been offensive - can't win, eh?

[WiseOldSage]

That should say, my husband said sorry! (A rarity in our house LOL)

[Roughquest]

Hi Feelinlost,
I am sorry to hear of your very frustrating predicatment! Its sounds terrible and not healthy at all...could I ask if he ever says words that are disrespectful to you ? If so, does he show remorse or apologise afterwards ? If not, he is being controlling here and he does not have any respect for you...he could be clever and twist things that you have said so he gets to be the injured party in all this which in turn will have you kissing his feet and bowing down to him, which is what selfish, controlling men do, deep down they think women are the lowest of the low...and its not right that he should make you feel guilty or bad....this cannot be allowed to continue honey, you need someone that is on your level and gives you emotional nourishment....

[FEELINLOST]

Thanks for your replys WiseOldSage & Roughquest

To Roughquest - he has sometimes said disrespectful words when he has been really angry about something & sometimes he does apologise......for example today I mentioned we argued & after we gave eachother space & later I intiated conversation gently & we got back to normal but he still hasn't said sorry for insulting me...its confusing!

[BRIZE]

FEELINLOST, Pride always pays a part in people refusing to apologise, although through experience i find that an apology will curtail most arguements even though i may be right. Sometimes profanity is the only way out because you cant think of the right words , this is normally followed by a walk out because this is the only way that we can get the last word, again , another very important part of the arguement.

[Razzle09]

Feelinlost It might be useful for you and your partner to sit down together and each of you write out a list of the words or phrases that you use and the other feels insulting. In that way there is no confusion or room for error. The lists can be updated or changed. and if either of you choose to use the statements or words then you do so with awareness and can accept the consequences - and of course there are always consequences!!!!

[bednobs]

hi feelinlost, how many times can you ask just about the same question about your relationship and carry on ignoring the answers? Well i suppose the answer is infinitely, but the real question would be how long before people go from being supportive to just being totally peed off? I have reached that limit now, but will give you one last peice of advice which will really suffice for any question you ask in the future ever, so i don't have to answer or be rude to you again. if you are not happy in the relationship, end it. However, if you are happy with being controlled and hit, then by all means carry on, but please please don't bring any kids in the equation. it wont make it better, and you will just be putting them in harms way

[Velvetee]

Can I ask you Feelinlost, why every so often do you post about your unhappy relationship, including the physical and verbal abuse from your husband against you?

Why do you continue to go around in circles? The relationship obviously is an unhappy one and from what I've read of your posts over the last few months, you continue to repeat the scenarios, yet you are and dissatisfied.

I know it is always difficult to end a relationship, moreso when children are involved, but it cannot be healthy for your child to witness this abuse and all the constant friction. Surely you owe it to your child to end this misery?

[Razzle09]

Hi Feelinlost
I'm new to this site so I don't know anything about your history although from postings it would appear to be long. THIS I DO KNOW - Things will not change unless you and your partner make an effort to do so. Don't take the situation to the limit where one of you gets seriously hurt. As Velvetee says it can be difficult to end a relationship when children are involved; however therein lies the reason to do so. If you can't do it for yourselves please try for your children. Make an effort not to pass on the unhealthy relationship style to them - they will thank you for it. Good luck

[SuDFB]

FEELINLOST

Don't you think that you two are on the same boat here? As he thinks your are being disrespectable towards him in someway and you think he is insulting you...

I think you need to grown up anyone when angry says things they don't mean...
You too need to sit and talk explain how you feel only then it will get better...

My relationship is similar we are both on the same boat but never see it that way untill we calm down and talk... and it will always be like this because of our strong personalities, but I don't love him any less