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Autistic aggression
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Does anyone have any strategies/advice/suggestions to help deal with an extremely aggressive, violent, destructive boy who is autistic and causing grief and heart break to the rest of the family.
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Thank you so much, gromitdoo. Ihave completed the petition and it should at this moment be plopping into my M.P.'s inbox.
I will also contact as many of the local Support Group as I can, and hope that our M.P. listens to us. (We can but hope !!)
You obviously feel as strongly about it as I do--nice to be able to "talk" with similarly burdened individuals.
My original post concerned a young friend from our Support Group, and I'm happy to say that she is feeling a bit calmer now. Her biggest worry is that her children will be removed from her care because she is not coping too well. My daughter is going through an upsetting time too with her son whose behaviour is also very challenging, but we are a close and strong family so she has a network of support which this other girl doesn't have. God Bless You.
I will also contact as many of the local Support Group as I can, and hope that our M.P. listens to us. (We can but hope !!)
You obviously feel as strongly about it as I do--nice to be able to "talk" with similarly burdened individuals.
My original post concerned a young friend from our Support Group, and I'm happy to say that she is feeling a bit calmer now. Her biggest worry is that her children will be removed from her care because she is not coping too well. My daughter is going through an upsetting time too with her son whose behaviour is also very challenging, but we are a close and strong family so she has a network of support which this other girl doesn't have. God Bless You.
Thank you, 4winds for filling up the petition and for passing it around. The more people who send off the petitions to their MPs, the better.
On another note, I am very happy to learn that your young friend feels a lot better now. I know what she is going thru as I too have no family support in the UK, my family who are very, very good are all abroad but my husband helps a lot more now from what he used to as he has realised how difficult it is and not something that i am making up. Your daughter is very lucky to have you. There are very few grandmas who actually understand and she is truly blessed! My mum too is storming heaven with her prayers for my little boy and that works wonders.
On another note, I am very happy to learn that your young friend feels a lot better now. I know what she is going thru as I too have no family support in the UK, my family who are very, very good are all abroad but my husband helps a lot more now from what he used to as he has realised how difficult it is and not something that i am making up. Your daughter is very lucky to have you. There are very few grandmas who actually understand and she is truly blessed! My mum too is storming heaven with her prayers for my little boy and that works wonders.
Hello gromitdoo
God's ears must be ringing with all the prayers winging His way.
Have just spent a couple of hours with my grandson to allow his mum to go to dentist.
He went , seemingly at a flick of a hidden switch, from being a smiling, happy boy to a violence which caused his sister to cry and the family labrador to cringe round behind me. He threw various objects across the room and even picked up a bottle of wine from the rack in the dining room, threatening to throw it.
Wish we could get into their minds and try to understand them more.
Sorry, I just had to share with someone and I feel that you are empathetic, despite your own heartbreak. I am only a grandma, you are in the front line.
God's ears must be ringing with all the prayers winging His way.
Have just spent a couple of hours with my grandson to allow his mum to go to dentist.
He went , seemingly at a flick of a hidden switch, from being a smiling, happy boy to a violence which caused his sister to cry and the family labrador to cringe round behind me. He threw various objects across the room and even picked up a bottle of wine from the rack in the dining room, threatening to throw it.
Wish we could get into their minds and try to understand them more.
Sorry, I just had to share with someone and I feel that you are empathetic, despite your own heartbreak. I am only a grandma, you are in the front line.
Hello 4winds, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not apologise for sharing. I think when I talk about what is happening with my little boy and his temper tantrums, even though I might not get answers I feel a lot more better. And there is no better than a parent with a child on the autistic spectrum who is going through pretty much the same who will totally understand what you are feeling.
Also when I go for the parent support meetings the shared sense of loss or "mourning" for our children is so concrete that you can actually touch it. When I look at my son's peers and see them talking with their mums I just feel horrible and I sometimes wonder how different our lives would have been without the autism.
Also from our children's point of view I think it must be pretty overwhelming for them and frightening that they cannot control their emotions. No circuit breakers in their brains to stop them from going wild and throwing things and I am sure they can see the despair and sadness on our faces on our lack of understanding of their behaviour. And yes, I cannot tell you how many times I have wished that I could get into my little boy's brains to make out what makes him tick and behave like that. But as you said in one of your previous mails, we can only hope and pray that some day we will know what causes autism and maybe the cure, fingers crossed.
Also when I go for the parent support meetings the shared sense of loss or "mourning" for our children is so concrete that you can actually touch it. When I look at my son's peers and see them talking with their mums I just feel horrible and I sometimes wonder how different our lives would have been without the autism.
Also from our children's point of view I think it must be pretty overwhelming for them and frightening that they cannot control their emotions. No circuit breakers in their brains to stop them from going wild and throwing things and I am sure they can see the despair and sadness on our faces on our lack of understanding of their behaviour. And yes, I cannot tell you how many times I have wished that I could get into my little boy's brains to make out what makes him tick and behave like that. But as you said in one of your previous mails, we can only hope and pray that some day we will know what causes autism and maybe the cure, fingers crossed.
Sorry, 4winds for going on but our immediate neighbours too have a grandson who has got autism and they have told me that he wants things or ornaments in their house kept in a particular place and if they move things around, the next time he visits he keeps them where they originally were. I am sure you know all this but I was just wondering if things were changed around at your home to bring on the behaviour of your grandson.
Also the private speech therapist who we got for our lil' boy as he was not speaking till around 3.5 years told us to get a trampoline to channelise his behaviour and to let off steam. My lil' boy stims and walks up and down our front room and then I think when it gets too much he jumps on his trampoline which is in our dining room :) But it helps him with his anxiety. We have got a Pro Fitness tramp jogger for him which hopefully will last a lot more longer than the earlier child trampoline. But it is a known fact that trampolining helps autistic children to let off steam. I might in due course get one in our garden but our garden is a meeting place for all the neighbourhood cats so my husband said that we might have the cats jumping on it after that :) :)
Also the private speech therapist who we got for our lil' boy as he was not speaking till around 3.5 years told us to get a trampoline to channelise his behaviour and to let off steam. My lil' boy stims and walks up and down our front room and then I think when it gets too much he jumps on his trampoline which is in our dining room :) But it helps him with his anxiety. We have got a Pro Fitness tramp jogger for him which hopefully will last a lot more longer than the earlier child trampoline. But it is a known fact that trampolining helps autistic children to let off steam. I might in due course get one in our garden but our garden is a meeting place for all the neighbourhood cats so my husband said that we might have the cats jumping on it after that :) :)
Hello gromitdoo
Thank you for your understanding post. Yes, our grandson rearranges things but sometimes in seemingly bizarre ways.e.g.takes tube of tomato puree from fridge and puts it in bathroom (looks like tube of toothpaste?), trying to put his sister's badminton raquet into the drawer of kitchen utensils (like a sieve?).He doesn't seem to get upset at this but goes doggedly about, putting things where he wants them to be. Doesn't like doors left open so will close them, sometimes quietly, sometimes not. I began to wonder why some of the spoons in cutlery drawer were unwashed and some of the drinking glasses, then discovered he tidied away his glass after having drink and any coffee mugs or spoons were put back in the appropriate places!
We just can't figure out why he suddenly goes from calm to wild - school nurse suggested maybe hormonal changes (he's 10and a bit).
P.S. are you from U.S.A.?
Thank you for your understanding post. Yes, our grandson rearranges things but sometimes in seemingly bizarre ways.e.g.takes tube of tomato puree from fridge and puts it in bathroom (looks like tube of toothpaste?), trying to put his sister's badminton raquet into the drawer of kitchen utensils (like a sieve?).He doesn't seem to get upset at this but goes doggedly about, putting things where he wants them to be. Doesn't like doors left open so will close them, sometimes quietly, sometimes not. I began to wonder why some of the spoons in cutlery drawer were unwashed and some of the drinking glasses, then discovered he tidied away his glass after having drink and any coffee mugs or spoons were put back in the appropriate places!
We just can't figure out why he suddenly goes from calm to wild - school nurse suggested maybe hormonal changes (he's 10and a bit).
P.S. are you from U.S.A.?
My daughter has a trampoline in the gaeden, about 14feet diam. and he loves it but it's been either so wet or so frosty up here that he gets little use of it at present.
We bought him a small aquarium for his bedroom, thinking it might have a calming effect but he only takes a passing interest in it. At least he hasn't emptied it out ...yet!!
Thanks for sharing AND listening (can one listen via computer??)
We bought him a small aquarium for his bedroom, thinking it might have a calming effect but he only takes a passing interest in it. At least he hasn't emptied it out ...yet!!
Thanks for sharing AND listening (can one listen via computer??)
Hello eveyone with concerns about autism ( especially gromitdoo- can I call you GD for short?).
I have had a post from OAASIS - it helps.
Their e-address
[email protected] and the contact was Andrea Wooldridge.
Let's keep in touch - May God Bless all our families.
M. xx
I have had a post from OAASIS - it helps.
Their e-address
[email protected] and the contact was Andrea Wooldridge.
Let's keep in touch - May God Bless all our families.
M. xx
Hello 4winds, yes you can call me GD for short no worries. Gromitdoo came about because my little boy loves wallace and gromit and he is obssessed with Scooby Doo at the mo. Thank you for the information.
I am from London, UK. And I am not very sure how you listen via computer, i am not very computer savvy. Have not yet got a webcam or mike yet. Have been meaning to get one but have not got around to doing it yet. But I have noticed that when we are online our username lights up in green, don't know how it does it though????????
I am from London, UK. And I am not very sure how you listen via computer, i am not very computer savvy. Have not yet got a webcam or mike yet. Have been meaning to get one but have not got around to doing it yet. But I have noticed that when we are online our username lights up in green, don't know how it does it though????????
Also, I put another post on the Answerbank (Body & Soul) re: Autism Bill pleading with people to fill up the petition. Recd a standard mail from the NAS yesterday saying that they only have 38 MPs signed up for the Autism Bill and they need a minimum of 100. They have still a long way to go and if we do not get it done this time we will be waiting a lot more years to get an MP to put forward an Autism Bill becos they all want to do things on terrorism and other stuff which is equally important but so is autism becos there are loads of families affected by it and children everyday being diagnosed with some sort of autism. If we get it done now for our little ones we will have less of a fight later on when they are older. I have lots of friends in my support group who have children finishing off from secondary school and some who have been permanently excluded from special schools and their poor mums (dads have run off 200 miles in the opposite direction) are tearing their hair off and it is heartbreaking to see them in such a mess. i always think you never know i might find myself in their shoes one day and it will not be nice. Sorry for going on and on but it worries me and sometimes keeps me awake at night.
Sorry 4winds, you are getting inundated with posts from me but the link that you sent of OAASIS and the Cambian schools, are they independent schools or will the LEA sponsor them? And do they have a regular newsletter from them becos I could not see any page where you could subscribe to a newsletter?
Hello 4winds, hope all is well with you! I missed our little e-chats. Thank you for filling up the petition again in your husband's name. I filled up the petition from both me and my husband, my father in law and even sent it to the MP from Westminster(the borough where my husband works). I am sure this shows you how desperate I am. My husband though was not best pleased becos he got funny looks in the office when the letter from the House of Commons was delivered at his office.
I went to a meeting on Thursday to the Tottenham Hotspur FC re: services for children with special needs and once again it was all talk and no action. One of my friends was there and she is so tired and was racking her brains as to what to do with her little boy during half term. The poor girl was literally pulling her hair out as she did not know what to do and she told me that she prayed for dementia or Alzheimer's disease becos then she might forget about her lil' boy's autism and atleast get one proper night's sleep. I was just shocked u know, just speechless. I looked after him over there for 4 hours but cannot help her over the half term becos I am exhausted looking after my lil' boy. That is why I am on the warpath to get this autism bill go thru on the 27th becos then atleast we will have a leg to stand on when we are fighting for respite care and holiday playschemes and also for help when our kids are adults.
I am sorry for sounding so negative but atleast I know that you will not judge me and you know what I am going through.
Keep in touch. Cheerio R
Sorry for putting my reply on this thread becos I thought you might atleast get an email so that will let you know I replied.
I went to a meeting on Thursday to the Tottenham Hotspur FC re: services for children with special needs and once again it was all talk and no action. One of my friends was there and she is so tired and was racking her brains as to what to do with her little boy during half term. The poor girl was literally pulling her hair out as she did not know what to do and she told me that she prayed for dementia or Alzheimer's disease becos then she might forget about her lil' boy's autism and atleast get one proper night's sleep. I was just shocked u know, just speechless. I looked after him over there for 4 hours but cannot help her over the half term becos I am exhausted looking after my lil' boy. That is why I am on the warpath to get this autism bill go thru on the 27th becos then atleast we will have a leg to stand on when we are fighting for respite care and holiday playschemes and also for help when our kids are adults.
I am sorry for sounding so negative but atleast I know that you will not judge me and you know what I am going through.
Keep in touch. Cheerio R
Sorry for putting my reply on this thread becos I thought you might atleast get an email so that will let you know I replied.
Hello GD
Nice to hear from you again.
Hope things are not too bad just now with your family - our grandson is having a relatively calm spell with only periodic outbreaks.
Sorry to hear about your friend, the poor girl - it is maybe shocking to hear her wish but I have many, many times asked God to TAKE ME and give this wee boy back to his parents,his sisters and the world they live in. The aggressive scream- filled days and the endless broken nights play havoc with one's reason --- and I only had this on "respite" nights or weekends so my heart goes out to all you parents who deal with it on a daily/nightly basis.
I only wish I could be of more PRACTICAL help (you said your parents were far away) but, unfortunately you are in London and I am in Scotland so e-mail support is all I can offer (and prayers).
Please give your friend my heartfelt regards and P:EASE don't apologise for "negativity"-- GD, it comes with the territory, but so does HOPE; cling on to that and keep fighting!!
I am now going to e-mail my MP again ! --- Pester Power seems to work sometimes so I am about to becomethe ant in his pants and hope that it puts the bee in his bonnet to DO SOMETHING. ( I notice from the list of MPs who have signed up to support this bill, he is NOT amongst them).
Keep your chin up( in my case chins!),
Keep smiling and
Keep in touch.
Grandma aka 4winds
Nice to hear from you again.
Hope things are not too bad just now with your family - our grandson is having a relatively calm spell with only periodic outbreaks.
Sorry to hear about your friend, the poor girl - it is maybe shocking to hear her wish but I have many, many times asked God to TAKE ME and give this wee boy back to his parents,his sisters and the world they live in. The aggressive scream- filled days and the endless broken nights play havoc with one's reason --- and I only had this on "respite" nights or weekends so my heart goes out to all you parents who deal with it on a daily/nightly basis.
I only wish I could be of more PRACTICAL help (you said your parents were far away) but, unfortunately you are in London and I am in Scotland so e-mail support is all I can offer (and prayers).
Please give your friend my heartfelt regards and P:EASE don't apologise for "negativity"-- GD, it comes with the territory, but so does HOPE; cling on to that and keep fighting!!
I am now going to e-mail my MP again ! --- Pester Power seems to work sometimes so I am about to becomethe ant in his pants and hope that it puts the bee in his bonnet to DO SOMETHING. ( I notice from the list of MPs who have signed up to support this bill, he is NOT amongst them).
Keep your chin up( in my case chins!),
Keep smiling and
Keep in touch.
Grandma aka 4winds
Hello 4winds. Firstly, I apologize for the 10.30pm bit. I think my brains were fried by that time and I was not thinking properly. I normally chat with my mum and sis back home and there are lots of times that I tell them what time it is in the Uk. Sorry about that.
I put the autism bill petition in AB around 4 times by now and I think people are getting quite fed up of me but there was a lovely person who actually took up for me. That is really sweet!
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Que stion710980.html
He or she is one in a million and i really think that we who have loved ones on the autistic spectrum are living on another planet from the rest. And this is modern day Britian so you can just imagine what the lives of those affected in Africa or Asia are.
And thank you very much for listening and giving your ongoing support and encouragement. That means a lot to me and I conveyed your best wishes to the friend i was talking about and when she read your post she had tears in her eyes. Becos just like you I think we too as mums have prayed to God to take us and in return take away our children's autism.
I put the autism bill petition in AB around 4 times by now and I think people are getting quite fed up of me but there was a lovely person who actually took up for me. That is really sweet!
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Que stion710980.html
He or she is one in a million and i really think that we who have loved ones on the autistic spectrum are living on another planet from the rest. And this is modern day Britian so you can just imagine what the lives of those affected in Africa or Asia are.
And thank you very much for listening and giving your ongoing support and encouragement. That means a lot to me and I conveyed your best wishes to the friend i was talking about and when she read your post she had tears in her eyes. Becos just like you I think we too as mums have prayed to God to take us and in return take away our children's autism.
Hello gd
I have read your appeal on Chatterbank and agree that there is someone there who can perhaps stir others on that site to think of others.
I have posted a reply to him/her because I think it must take a lot of courage to say what he/she said.
I'm with you all the way, as much as age and its 'companions' allow !!
P.S. I still get the feeling that your family is in USA, Canada or...OZ/NZ??
Sorry, I just have a great interest in language.
I have read your appeal on Chatterbank and agree that there is someone there who can perhaps stir others on that site to think of others.
I have posted a reply to him/her because I think it must take a lot of courage to say what he/she said.
I'm with you all the way, as much as age and its 'companions' allow !!
P.S. I still get the feeling that your family is in USA, Canada or...OZ/NZ??
Sorry, I just have a great interest in language.
Thank you once again 4winds for your continuous and whole hearted support and enthusiasm. I think my e-chats with you gave me the strength to post the autism bill petition in various sections. Knowing that there was someone behind me every step of the way was a huge comfort. I only hope that something good comes out from all of this on the 27th Feb and I am praying.
I am originally from Bombay, India so my English might not be very good, I'm afraid.
I am originally from Bombay, India so my English might not be very good, I'm afraid.
Your English is excellent ! - a lot better than some for whom it is their 1st language !
It looks like we are going to get this Bill through - yipee !!
I have again e-mailed my MP , so if he doesn't vote on 27th he will find a very irate constituent on his voice-mail !!
Fingers crossed for Friday.
P.S. Regards to your friend also - hope she gets the strength to see this painful, rough phase through. I know that one phase just melds into another but sometimes there are little periods of relative calm.
It looks like we are going to get this Bill through - yipee !!
I have again e-mailed my MP , so if he doesn't vote on 27th he will find a very irate constituent on his voice-mail !!
Fingers crossed for Friday.
P.S. Regards to your friend also - hope she gets the strength to see this painful, rough phase through. I know that one phase just melds into another but sometimes there are little periods of relative calm.
-- answer removed --
Hello 4winds, how are you? We have had a quiet and lovely week. My lil' boy started at 9.00am for the first time in school and I was thrilled. I had 6 hours to myself after nearly 6 months becos he finished from nursery last year mid July. I have now been able to attend Mass every day just praising and thanking God that things have finally turned around for us.
Have you seen the latest on the Autism Bill? 122 MPs committed to voting in favour for the bill so I hope we have some good news at the end of the day. They said that even if the bill goes thru the changes will only come thru by the end of this year. But something better than nothing!
My friend is also feeling a lot more better now that school has started becos for us who do not have any family or no good support system the time the kids are at school are our only respite. So half terms and summer holidays can be quite a nightmare. But you know I tell my husband when you don't have a choice you just have to get on with it. But it is hard sometimes, very hard.
I hope your family are well and your grandson and also your friend. I cannot thank you enough for just being there and listening to me. Thank you and a Big God Bless!
Have a lovely weekend!
Have you seen the latest on the Autism Bill? 122 MPs committed to voting in favour for the bill so I hope we have some good news at the end of the day. They said that even if the bill goes thru the changes will only come thru by the end of this year. But something better than nothing!
My friend is also feeling a lot more better now that school has started becos for us who do not have any family or no good support system the time the kids are at school are our only respite. So half terms and summer holidays can be quite a nightmare. But you know I tell my husband when you don't have a choice you just have to get on with it. But it is hard sometimes, very hard.
I hope your family are well and your grandson and also your friend. I cannot thank you enough for just being there and listening to me. Thank you and a Big God Bless!
Have a lovely weekend!
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