heart failure

[bazzard]

My brother recently died of heart failure and high blood pressure. Would his death have been quick - a matter of minutes? What would he have felt? Would he have had any warning of an attack? I wish that I had given him a panic alarm - I feel so distraught and useless because I wasn't there in his dying moments. Would resuscitation have worked?

[foodluva]

Bazzard,

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. The answers to your questions really depend on the extent of the occlusion (blockage) of his coronary arteries. Total occlusion would have been sudden and he would probably have passed out very quickly without any real concept of what was happening. If the occlusion was smaller, the process may have taken a few minutes. Resuscitation may have worked but in practice, this is seldom guaranteed without specialist equipment. Maybe his doctor could answer these questions more specifically for you? I'm answering these questions as honestly as I can so I hope this does not upset you. The main thing is not to feel guilty that you were not there because this could not be helped. I'm a nurse and the feelings you have are common. I've had personal experience of this with my own family and we all wished we could have done more. If you feel the need to talk to someone please phone Cruse (number in telephone book). They specialise in bereavement counselling and are really excellent! Good luck and take care!

[foodluva]

P.S He may have had warnings in the form of angina beforehand (months possibly) but angina often presents just as a tight feeling - sometimes just in the jaw - so he may not have thought anything of this. Conversely, he may have had no warning at all. Please don't torture yourself!

[smudge]

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother bazzard, it must have been a terrible shock for you.

My sister Amy died of a heart attack in her sleep on Christmas morning 2005. The doctors assured us that she wouldn't have know anything about it & we keep that in mind, as it makes her passing a little easier for us siblings to bear.

We also felt very sad that we didn't have a chance to say goodbye, but she's around us every day & think of her as happily reunited with Mum, Dad & her husband who also died at a very young age.

Take care & hope your pain soon eases . -xx-

[yinyang]

Hi bazzard,
Altough it was different circumstances I do know how you feel because in October my mum and I went out to get some shopping and coffee and came home to find my dad had died. I beat myself up so much, especially because it had been my idea to take mum out, and asked myself all these questions a thousand times over - was it quick, if we'd been there would it have made any difference, was he scared?
The doctor assured us it was a very quick and painless death and nothing could have prevented it and I do believe him but at the same time I do still feel the guilt every day, just less intensely as time passes. To be perfectly honest, if somebody granted me the wish of being able to say one more thing to my dad, i would tell him I'm sorry we weren't there for him.
God, this post has probably just made you feel worse. i just wanted you to know you're not alone in these feelings.I think in these kind of circumstances, guilt is a big part of the grieving process - it sucks, doesn't it? All we can do is wait for emotions to catch up with the rational part that believes there was nothing that could be done.
Take care of yourself, I'll be thinking of you.

[smudge]

So sorry to hear about your Dad yinyang & hope your pain will ease in time too.

Take care. -xx-

[smudge]

Also wish the same for your Mum too. -xx-

[toby99]

I am really sorry for your loss Bazzard, but try not to 'beat' yourself up. What you are going through is understandable and the natural grief process. In time, as yinyang says, you will be able to rationalise your feelings and distress. You may not have been with him a the very end, but you have been with him throughout his life and you obviously care for him very much and he knew that. I am sure he did not suffer as it is likely to have been very quick. I hope that your pain soon eases and you will then remember the happy times. A friend of ours, who had diagnosed heart failure died very suddenly last year. It was very quick and he wouldn't have known what happened. He was a practicing Doctor, so I really don't think there was anything you could have done to help your brother. Please speak to your doctor who will be able to reassure you x

[bazzard]

Thank you all for your answers and kind thoughts.

[yinyang]

Hope you're ok bazzard, This is a good place to come on if you need advice or a moan. Lots of genuinely nice people on here.

Smudge, thank you for your kind words. x

[jake-the-peg]

This relates to a conversation I had recently and I've looked up the figures.

Despite what you may see on TV the survival rate of cardiac arrest cases is only between 18% and 2%.

Defribulators are very effective but only in cases of Ventricular Fibrillation and it doesn't sound as if that was the case with your brother.

I think that you can be reasonably certain that there wasn't really anything you or anyone else could have done and that a panic alarm would not have made any difference.

I'm not your brother but I certainly wouldn't want my nearest and dearest to have a last memory of me having a heart attack, I'd much rather they remembered me in happier times so I really wouldn't beat yourself up about it if I were you.

I'm sure he wouldn't want you to

[smudge]

You're welcome yinyang. -xx-

Did my stars fall off the page bazzard?!