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Pregnant daughter
My pregnant daughter, age 20, is living with us (parents, and 3 sisters). She has no plans of being independent. She does not buy food, toiletries, even suggested putting a hot tub in her room or having an extra shower in the house. HELP!!!
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Thats a tough one, because she will be looking to you to support her through this, although if you are supporting her, who is going to support the baby when it is born, i work for the social security and i would suggest you go to your local office and ask what benefits she should be recieving when the baby is born. If you are happy for her to live with you once the baby is born, suggest she looks for a part time job after the birth to help to conribute to the household. If you do not want her to continue living there, she can put her name down for council housing as your house will be classed as overcrowded. When i got pregnant, it made me realise that i could not depend on my mother and i decided it would be best to move out so i had my own space to bond with my child, the council offered me a house within 6 weeks, but luckily enough i was working so i bought a house, anyway, the point being, you have to make your daughter realise that once this baby is born she has got the responsibility to look after it and that she will have to sort some money out from somewhere....you and your partner will always love her, but this does not mean that you always have to carry her and her child, sometimes tough love is the best option, she will thank you in the end.
I don't know if you have spoken about this with your daughter- it sounds like something you say quietly to yourself. Point is- you need to discuss this with her. She obviously sees it as being ok to just hang around at home and do nothing. Make her realise that you will be there to support her but she also needs to lend a helping hand. Even if it starts off with her getting a part-time job, doing house-hold chores etc. I mean you are already supporting 6 (?)people, I can't imagine that is easy.
It sounds like she still sees you as mummy and daddy who will always look after her. This is of course true- to a point. BUT she will also be a parent herself and cannot expect everything to magically fall into place. Her suggestion of the hot tub shows she has no concept of the value of money and her upcoming responsibility. I'm sorry but you must take some of the blame for this. If you do not MAKE her take on some responsibilty then you have to face the consequences.
If this sounds harsh, I'm truly sorry. Its just that I am 22 and still living at home with my mum who has worked long and hard to provide for me and so I have already started contributing towards household expenditure. I know that if I did become pregnant, I would feel so ashamed of myself if I forced her to carry the burden for me.
Your daughter is old enough to know this, and she needs to grow up, just help her work towards this, and I am sure that all will work out.
Yikes, I'm 24 and pregnant at the moment and I can't relate to being like that at all, I want to do things for myself and can't stand my parents getting overly involved. Perhaps the cruel to be kind approach is the best where you just don't do al those things for her that you have been up to now and make it clear that as the mother of the baby she is the one responsible for looking after herself and him or her when they arrive. It might be helpful for you to know that hot tubs are actually dangerous during pregnancy because you can overheat so she really, really shouldn't have one of those installed.
Hope things improve for you soon.
why dont you talk to her about it. say has she got any plans, give her some ideas. say that its a good idea to find other places see knew things. start getting her to buy her own things if she insistes that she stays at home with you. shes 20 years old and so i think that you should make her buy things like toiletries small thingd at first so when she finally desides to go out in the big bad world it doesnt have to that harsh on her! hope this helps xx
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