Can a marriage survive an affair?

[The Tiggster]

Sorry for the length of this question -
Been married for 4 years tomorrow (Thursday) have a 14 month old son & just found out yesterday that my husband has been having an affair for 18 months (since I was 6mths pregnant). Absolutely gutted, not slept or eaten since Monday night and don't know what to do.

On top of that I have been getting treated for postnatal depression & had an ovarian tumour (benign) removed in November. Reading all that I'm wondering why i am still letting him be in the same house as me.

He says he loves me & our son & was silly to get caught up in the excitement of another woman. He says he does love her, but finished the relationship last night & wants us to make a go of it. I asked why he didn't finish it before I found out (saw a text on his phone) & he said he didn't want to hurt her.

I don't know what to do, I am gutted & feel like my & my son's life is a lie. If this had happened before I had my son I wouldn't think twice about separating from him, but at the end of the day he is a very kind & loving man, even though he has been having this affair, and I can't see my life without him & still deeply love him, as up until yesterday I thought he was my soul mate.

I am financially independent from him & would have no real money worries as I have a very good job & could manage the mortgage so that is not why I can't say to him go.

My question is where do I go from here? What are your experiences, can marriage survive an affair?
Thanks, Tiggs. x

[mrsflowers]

I'm sorry to hear about what's happened, I can sympathise as I'm in a similar position myself. Found out my slimeball husband has been cheating with a right slapper from work, although he did say it didn't get sexual until after I'd kicked him out (yeh whatever! despite the fact that I had proof of text messages he'd send her, phone calls she had made to our house when she knew I was out and best of all a friend followed them to the pub, let me know and I turned up to see them snogging!!). July would have been our 10th wedding anniversary and we have a 7 year old son. It's only now that I can see how selfish hes been over the years putting his happiness and life before mine and our sons - in short I've been a real MUG and that's what hurts more than anything - in fact she has probably done me a huge favour but it still stinks to be treated like this. I know both myself and my son will be happier although the next few months are going to continue to be difficult. All I can say to you is that like me - YOU DESERVE BETTER and no way should you forgive him, would you have ever done the same to him? No. I feel I'm grieving but there's no funeral, like you I thought he was my soul mate I thought it was forever. If there were problems in your marriage and he thought anything of you he would have discussed them with you and gone from there. He is a very selfish and weak man. I have suffered medical problems over the last year too and recognise that this has contributed to what's happened but 'sickness and in health'?! It's no excuse it's disgraceful you need to get rid NOW!!

[RebeccaSJ]

Mmmm hmmm