Elderly Father In Hospital.

[Bigbad]

My 92 year old Dad has been in hospital for 2 weeks. Unfortunately, he’s completely lost the plot, hasn’t got a clue about anything, and now talks utter drivel. (Yesterday, he’d been to The Isle of Wight the night before, and my sister has just had a baby).

None of the staff are talking to me. (I’m his only visitor). Every time I go, I ask if someone could find the time to have a proper conversation with me at some point, but so far the only people I’ve spoken to are a doctor I’ve managed to pin down for a couple of minutes, and he just asked me questions which he could have found the answers to if he’d bothered to read Dad’s notes, and a nurse yesterday who said they are still trying to find the cause of his ‘confusion’ and waiting to see if he has a UTI and are giving antibiotics.
I said that if antibiotics were going to work, surely there would have been some improvement by now.
No answer!

He has been on 3 different wards since being admitted, and was going to have a Lumbar Puncture, but this was cancelled.

My question is: How do I get someone to talk to me? I don’t expect staff to drop everything just because I’m there, but it just seems like they don’t know what to with him/about him, and some decisions need to be made.

Thanks.

[pixie374]

I get you, ratter- but relatives often use their own phrases. You just have to translate xx

[pastafreak]

RATTER...I don't think Bigbad was showing a lack of respect. Instead I think he was referring not just to the reality of his father's condition, but also to how he's viewed by the hospital. He did qualify with " he IS my dad"

[gness]

Oh come on, Ratter.....bigbad is in an emotional situation......an ill dad and the arrogant staff to deal with.....
Those are words I've used about my mother....including away with the fairies.....we do...sometimes it can help us cope....

Bigbad.....I know exactly what you mean.....I've been in that situation.

Anneasquith's advice is good....especially about asking names and position......I know from experience that isn't liked...
Make a list of what you want to know about his behaviour and care when you're not with him.....when they are responsible for his care.....and ask calmly and pleasantly......
Ask why he is being moved so often and why a planned procedure was cancelled....and remember....calm and pleasant.....
They may not yet know what is wrong with him but they should and must tell you that.......and good luck....Gx

[Sqad]

gnes

".an ill dad and the arrogant staff to deal with..... "

I can't see any evidence of "arrogance" in the staff.

[gness]

Perhaps I am coloured by my own experiences when I answer, Sqad.....x

[Sqad]

LOL.....maybe some people......but not you gness ;-)

[Bigbad]

And what fluffy bunny way way would you have liked me to word it, RATTER15?

My description was spot on.
No, I don’t subscribe to soppy descriptions like “confused” “muddled” or “bewildered” or if someone dies “passed away” or “lost their life.” In fact, if Dad was able to describe himself, he would probably use the term “effing loopy.”

if I wasn’t concerned about him, I wouldn’t have posted the question, so please don’t judge me on the phrases I use.

[Bigbad]

Thanks pastafreak (I’m a ‘she’ though!) and gness.

I do know how to speak to someone in a professional and calm manner, and will only get unpleasant with someone if they do it to me first.
All I want is the chance to do so.

[THECORBYLOON]

Rather than wait til it gets to the complaints stage, why not contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS)at the hospital? If nothing else, it's someone to express your concerns to and they may be able find someone to speak to you about your father's condition and prognosis.

[gness]

Sorry, Bigbad.....wasn't implying you didn't......just that I know that the blame for any conflict or raised voices will always be blamed on the relative so it's always best to stay calm.....
I'm not blessed with a naturally happy face......once when I complained that a procedure done by a junior doctor against the advice of the renal unit had damaged my husbands fistula and remaining bit of kidney the big chief called me to his office and said....

MrsG.....if you smiled more at the staff your husband would get better treatment.....
Had to spend the rest of his stay grinning like an idiot...... :-)

[Bigbad]

No, guess. I didn’t think you were!

I’m the sort of person who can be a bit, shall we say, ‘basic’ in my use of the English language, but when speaking to someone I don’t know, or in a professional capacity, I can be eloquent and articulate. (Until the red mist descends)!!

[pastafreak]

I'm thinking maybe the staff should smile back sometimes...and communicate. It's a 2-way street.
Sorry Bigbad for making assumptions about your gender. Easily done on here.

[woofgang]

gness I would have been on FIRE if anyone had said that to me.....and pretty soon the person who said it would feel the heat!

[jazzgirl]

I had similar problem with my mother-in-law. Whilst "away with the fairies" she was not drinking sufficient water. Just a small amount made a difference. Ensure he is kept well hydrated. All the best to you.

[calda49]

Our hospital has a liaison service, called PALS, when there is a problem that does not seem to be resolved by talking to immediate contact staff. As soon as we consulted with them they took action and we were kept informed and the problem solved. Our service also had a website, so you might be able to find contact details on line, or enquire at your hospital reception. I wish you and your dad all the best.

[hereIam]

I don't know what to say, I only know I have been through it all with my beloved parents and I felt so alone at times with the lack of concern from the staff. I do know though that Mum's medication was blamed for her sometimes 'odd' behaviour. I wish you and your dear Dad all the best Bigbad x

[gness]

Woof....that wasn't the worst that ever happened......and bar once I always kept my cool......
It all came out at the inquest...which is why Bigbad should record names, dates, times and what is said to him.....and my records and evidence at the inquest made the coroner change the verdict she'd been going to give...........x

[Sqad]

We seem to be cracking a nutshell with a hammer on this thread.

[gness]

Maybe, Sqad.....but only gently.....very gently....x

[RATTER15]

Bigbad, "And what fluffy bunny way way would you have liked me to word it, RATTER15?"