abortion

[stylinsam]

my Brother - in - Laws Gf is pregant, now she is only 17 and my brother in law is 21, now this pregancy was an accident, and my brother in law wants her to have an abortion, now his gf says thats what she wants too, but after talking to her i dnt hink it is what she wants, she keeps asking me what to do and i really dnt no what to say to her, any advice please SSxx

[Pippa68]

Hi Sam,

The only advice you can give her is to make sure it is HER decision and nobody elses. She shouldn't make a decision based on what someone else wants her to do, even if it is her boyfriend.

If she thinks a termination is what she wants and deep down it isn't, she will be filled with regret. How far gone is she? hopefull she has some time to think it through properly. xx

[redcrx]

sam, really all you can do is make sure that she speaks to someone who is impartial and gets good balanced advice.
Perhaps get her to contact family planning or Brookes clinic asap.
Then allow them to make their own decision (primarily hers) and be there for them if they need you for support.

[yesmadam]

Sam, she has to make that decision herself. Do not get involved in the decision.
Just say you'll be there if she needs you but that she has to decide that herself or with him (the father). It sounds like he's not ready to have children and it could ruin both their futures. What has her mother said as she is the one that could give the best possible advice for her daughter. There is a possible grandchild she may end up bringing up. If she hasn't told her mother she needs to.
And the last thing for future reference? contraception!!!

[stylinsam]

she hasnt got a mum she died when she was younger she only has a brother and i think thats why shes turned to me to be honest, she said that she would have the baby but she cannot support it fiancially or physically neither of them can really, iv told her i will stand by her whatever her decision, i feel really down about it though, as i am really against abortion i havnt told her this obviously!!

[yesmadam]

In that case a good female GP should be able to help her.
She is right to be concerned over her future. What's the next step? single female 17 yr old mother waiting to be housed?
B+B first etc... or is her brother going to support her?
If she is in early pregnancy, as I was told by my GP, it is not a viable life and termination can be done without an operation. I was told to terminate by my GP. But that's another case far removed from this one.
What is your friends plans for her future? her dream career? what was she planning to study at uni? can she go back to that?

[here2listen]

Hmm I feel very sorry for this girl, having no mother around to talk to. My daughter is 10 weeks pregnant and 17 as well. Her boyfriend wants to know one minute but not the next, he is only 18 himself. She has decided now to keep the baby. We left the decision to her, only she knows deep down what she wants to do. You can be informative and tell her as much as she needs to know, she needs to gather lots of advice and then make her own mind up. Hope everything turns out ok.

[deauville]

It's a baby, not a puppy.

I have never met a woman yet who regretted having a child. it will be hard for her and she will need support, loads of it. It sounds like she is being coerced into having an abortion. Just let her keep it, she won't regret it. I know this will upset many, but i feel so strongly about abortion.

[Pippa68]

..which is why it is best for the girl to go to an impartial counsellor, as people who lean towards anti abortion are not the sort she needs to hear from right now.