Conversations

starone | 12:52 Tue 20th Nov 2012 | Jokes

3 Answers

Woman: You're looking upbeat today.
Friend: I am, after both suffering depression for a while, my husband and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. Strangely enough, once he killed himself I started to feel a lot better, so I though bugger it, I'll soldier on.

Woman: My condolences, I heard your husband passed away.
Friend: Thank you, yes, he died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch.
Woman: Oh no! that's terrible! What did you do?
Friend: I opened a tin of peas instead.

Wife: Darling do I please you in bed.
Husband: Yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth.
Wife: What trick?
Husband: The one where you shut up and go to sleep.

Wife: What would you like for dinner my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?
Husband: Thanks I'll have chicken.
Wife: You're having soup ar*sehole, I was talking to the cat.

And yes, I know they are oldies!