Opinions Please

[DEN53]

My son has been dating this girl, for about 3 weeks - he has brought her home tonight earlier on, then I thought he had taken her home a little while ago, but she is now back and staying the night, he never told me, but told Mr. Den, who said nothing, (typical man) - I am not happy about it - I don't want to cause a scene. What would you do ?

[Buenchico]

Obvious question:
How old is your son? 15? or 35? It might make difference!

[DEN53]

Sorry, should have said - he is 21.

[NOX]

I would do nothing but then I would be unlikely to be unhappy about it. Each person lives their life by their own set of moral codes and standards and your son's may not be the same as yours and it appears that your husband's is not either. I think it would cause distress and embarassment if you approached them about it tonight so I'd leave it and bring up the fact that you would have liked to have known casually at a later date.

[craft1948]

I wouldn't be happy but I admit to being slightly old-fashioned on this subject. If it was me I'd go to bed with the hubby, and be really, enthusiastically noisy.

[Bobbisox]

a hard call DEN, are you bothered about the fact they are sleeping together in your home? (assuming they are)

[jno]

ideally he'd ask - but he did, possibly thinking he didn't have to approach both parents separately. You probably need better communication with Mr Den than with your son.

I'd say "Your house, your rules" - but then again you and Mr Den need to sort out what your rules are before laying them down.

[DEN53]

I wouldn't mind, but she never speaks to us - when he first brought her home a few weeks ago, I said hello, but since then she flits in and out and goes straight upstairs to his bedroom, never shouts, hello or goodbye, which I think is extremely rude. I know times have changed, but do these girls feel no shame.

[lankeela]

I'd say good luck to him, you are lucky he is comfortable with bringing someone home, if he felt he couldn't they would just go somewhere else.

[Bobbisox]

ear plugs DEN, ear plugs
I know what you mean though, she is in your home, therefore she is a guest and should act accordingly

[DEN53]

I said to Mr. Den 'why the bloody hell didn't you say something' he said 'he told him to go and ask Mum' which he didn't.

[supersuezy24]

I like crafts idea ;)
Gorgeous dog in your av by the way Craft.

[DEN53]

Trigger - she can't be that shy, if she is willing to share his bed with his parent's in the house.....(:o(

Joy, as soon as there any squeaking of floorboards, I will be shouting up the stairs...

[lcg]

probably something you'll need to address in the morning - lest you want something disturbing burnt onto you retinas! i think pointing out that a decent introduction, several meals or something and an assurance she won't be ripping off the family silver is acceptable. oh...and you may want to point out that yours definately isn't the local knocking shop!

my son did this with his girlfriend of three months (they were both 16 at the time), so I had words with the pair of them in the morning, dragged them both to the local GUM clinic (well, someone had to!) and said if they made me a grandma at 32, i would be less than impressed. they are still together (over two years later), she is very respectful and they don't rub our faces in whatever it is they do in his bedroom for extended periods of time.

you have to be honest about what is bothering you and be reasonable that, like you, he obviously wants a bit of how's your father now and then! also, he has to understand that it is your house - your sancuary, actually - and you all have a right to feel comfortable about things. also, we ladies do like a bit of notice when people come round in order to be tidy, have enough food in the house and can fit things in with everything else we end up organising. good luck...you'll probably need it as it can be toe-curlingly embarrassing, but will be necessary for a happy household x

[Bobbisox]

it's the bit about not speaking that would bother me DEN, at least she she should engage in a little conversation before going to his bedroom ?

[DEN53]

He has only come back from Majorca today with his mates, and was supposed to go to a party tonight, but instead picked her up and brought her back here. This is the first girl he has ever brought home - apart from girl mates from college. Thanks for all your answers - yes, I will tackle him in the morning - Mr. Den leaves all discipline to me - so I am always the 'bad cop'.