Mothers Day

[tillyh345]

Does it take a female to point out to a bloke that Mothers Day is supposed to be a special event...I have two sons neither are in a relationship, one threw a card at me on Friday evening after I questioned him why he is so intent on letting me down time after time....and the other one although he is usually very good to me, didnt buy a card and when he could see I was visibly upset, he went out bought a pot plant and then said there u go if thats what it is all about! Now I have never been one for wanting expensive presents but a cup of tea and a hug sutrely is not much to ask...my husband uses the excuse that they are blokes and they havent got girlfriends to do the buying. What do you all think Am I being too harsh...?

[CrazyCathy]

No especially with all the advertising that is associated with the day - tv, in the shops etc

Hubby would never let me buy his mum a card or gift he likes to choose his own.

I think a lot of guys do rely on their woman to buy cards etc on their behalf and lots of woman accept it is their role.

[CAJ1]

All men are the same! I have to remind my bf of upcoming birthdays etc to ensure he gets presents! They just don't have a clue and don't realise how a gesture like a cup of tea and a hug would make us happy. We just think very differently, I'm sure they do love and appreciate you though but don't go about showing it, its not very masculine! I think Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus would be a good read for you!

[craft1948]

no you're not being too harsh - and I'd let the miserable tight uncaring s0ds do their own cooking, washing etc...

[diamonds78]

Tilly im so glad to hear someone getting upset about this!!! i cried my heart out all mothers day and am still upset about it!!. I am a single mum to a fantastic 3 year old boy. My ex husband and i have (or had, should i say) a great relationship and remain on friendly terms.
Mothers day came and i waited and waited, in fact im still waiting, for him to turn up with my card and flowers and stuff to make me a fry up as is what usually happens. i got a half hearted text about 3.30pm in the afternoon to say he was sorry he didnt get down as he was ill, pack of lies cause i had been at his mothers house with her gifts that morning and was there for over an hour and there was no sign of him. The lies hurt the most and the fact that my son was upset cause everyones elses mummy got presents and i didnt. Anyway a bottle of wine and a few stinging texts messages later i realised, hes not worth my tears and roll on Fathers Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chelle7272]

God me too. I have a 13 year old son, ex husband, current partner and we were meeting My mother and familyf or lunch for Mothers day.
Not a card, a hug, a cup of tea between them! Even at the restaurant I had to all the ordering and sorting everyone out. Not a minute's peace. And then of course, I'm wrong for being upset.

No you're not harsh tghey're are bl**dy useless!

Diamonds, my son was young when we split and whilst he was young I encouraged him to make cards and pick flowers so he wasn't relying on his dad (and however we were getting on at the time). Worked for few years......

[k8bailey]

I have to disagree with all of you. It is a hallmark holiday. I am a female and I have a child and would be horrified if she wasted her money buying me a soppy card and useless gift, theres no thought or feeling gone into mothers day for many years its just a money maker! My partner didn't get his mum anything this year and I have never given my mum anything - at her own request!

My partners mum will prob make a fuss when we see her this weekend, but would she really prefer that I forced her son into buying her something, when he begrudged the money and couldn't be bothered. They have a good relationship, so why does she need a card?!

Its a huge waste of money and trees! Little ones making cards at school - fine its an art lesson.
As for partners buying things for you, thats a bit wierd you're not their mums!

[feebal]

And why would your ex-partner buy you a card or a present?

I don't get it.

[lil75]

I read your post with my mouth open, that is a bit harsh, but I can recall my ex not really caring to think about his mum and she was a lovely woman, and she had a hard life. During our relationship I used to point out little things to him, things he had never even thought of about his mum, and he began to realise all what she had been through and all what she had done for him and his siblings......by the end of our relationship, he used to go and visit her and take her flowers or buy her a big slab of chocolate, for no reason in particular, other than the fact that he loved her and appreciated her and wanted to show it....I dont think its down to the woman to buy the card, but sometimes they just need a shove in the right direction...you know how selfish men can be....bloody nuisances!

[FoxLee2]

I don't think you're being harsh at all. Your sons are obviously grown up - have they given you cards/gifts in previous years? If not, why has it particularly upset you this year? And if they have always remembered Mother's Day in the past, why do you think it was different this time?

As for your husband's comment that they don't have girlfriends to do the buying - you're THEIR mother, not any girlfriends' mother. What meaning does it have if someone else has to choose a card and gift? And if they don't appreciate you on Mother's Day, it doesn't bode well for the future when they do have partners and have to remember their birthdays/special anniversaries, etc.

Incidentally, Father's Day is a Hallmark occasion as is Grandparents' Day but Mothering Sunday is a day in the Christian calendar.

[clio57]

How do they treat you the rest of the time? I don't think you're being too harsh, guess you must feel that you've been taken advantage of.

I told my 2 that I didn't want gifts just for them to spend time with me. I cooked lunch while they did some odd jobs for me in the garden. I did have to remind them before the day.

[terambulan]

sons all over ......me-me-me. You should have returned them to the hospital and demanded daughters!

[FoxLee2]

Not all sons terambulan. My two came round with cards, flowers and some gifts.

i think it is their father's responsibility when the boys are little to take them out to buy a card and a bunch of flowers or whatever for mother's day and for mummy's birthday so they grow up with the idea of treating their mother (and subsequent women in their lives) with respect and consideration and appreciation of all they do. They are not suddenly going to acquire these feelings in their late teens or early twenties.

[debbie123]

ive read this and this isnt meant in a bad way but im glad im not the only one this happens to.ive got five kids all i love too bits the same ,the three oldest ones dont live with me they have their own familys,i had five lovely cards,and some lovely gifts,but what spoilt my day,was my oldest son,whos 29 sent over my card the next day it said to mum on the front,and inside it had nothing,not even his name a kiss just blank,it could have been from anyone.wen he asked if i got me card i said i didnt know it was from him ,he said never mind save it for next year.wellat least i got one from him in away.

[lorla]

Can I play devils advocate and ask what kind of relationship you have with them? My mother-in-law was horrified that her sons didn't do anything for her - no card, hugs, cuppa, nothing. But she in turn does nothing for them, she isn't there for them emotionally, she isn't interested in them or their lives, she doesn't normally bother with birthdays (occassionally they get a card but no gift). She doesn't seem to understand that people treat you as you treat them and since she treats them with no love or respect, and never has, they do the same. I would say they don't even do it consciously - it just wouldn't occur to them. I know you shouldn't give present to receive them but she is the least interested mother I have ever met and so I don't know why she expects them to come running on Mothers Day - my Mum is more of a mother to my husband than his own mother has ever been.

Just a thought.

[tillyh345]

Well obviously you have to take my word for it, but even if I say so myself I am a good mother, everyone tells me they are lucky to have me, I am if anything too soft with them both...I think that is where the problem lies, but to be fair my youngest is a darling his response I agree with really, he is there for me all the time and he said he doenst think one day should take over, it is true because he will just come home with flowers or a cd whenever! But I think just because he didnt step up to the mark so to speak, and my eldest always lets me down, he has had a lot of problems, all brought on by himself, it wouldnt have normally bothered me but I felt sorry for myself mum to two men, 20 and 27 and not a kind word between them. However, I have to add that it was my birthday this weekend, and the youngest spoilt me with flowers and a beautiful card...nothing tho from the eldest, havent even seen him since he threw the mothers day card at me, but then thats quite usual. In the past I have ran around after him text him call him but not any longer ...sorry if that sounds harsh but me and his dad have always been there for him, and he has literally thrown everything back in our faces..

[lorla]

Oh that's a real shame then. If you're there for them they should be there for you - that's boys for you! Me and my sister spoil my Mum rotten because she bends over backwards for us. Perhaps you will reep your rewards when/if they have wives/girlfriends who treat you as their own mother and treat you as you deserve! I hope so.

[doomey!]

when is mothers day next?

[tillyh345]

Thanks everyone its very kind of you to reply x