Insensitive people

[warpig3]

What would you do if you knew someone who was completely insensitive? They don't mean to be, they just dont think. You tell them they have hurt you and they apologise (they know they have hurt you too, in fact as soon as they have said it they want to take it back, sometimes they try to make light of it and make it worse). But still it happens. Eventually 'sorry' seems to lose its meaning, so do you toughen up, take it with a pinch of salt, learn to live with it or what? warpig

[fatotter]

Is this person a friend?

[warpig3]

Yes they are, a good and close friend.

(sorry about the tying in the question, there was something wrong with the page when I was typing, there were paragraphs, honest)

[fatotter]

It sounds a bit like me! i have been accused of being insensitive and sarcastic by some friends, some close friends actually. I dont actually mean to be nasty, it is kind of part of my humour! which most of my friends find amusing, however, i have a friend who worked up the courage to tell me that the things i said were hurtful. I was so upset that she hadnt been able to tell me any of this before and I stopped being such a cow to her! TO be fair i wasnt proper horrible though so it wasnt hard for me to change my approach.

how bad is your friend? Do your friends of family think that this person is out of order? If so and your friend still doesnt change, i would find a new friend. FRiends are supposed to support eachother, not knock eachother down!

[123everton]

Were they being insensitive or honest? Sometimes people can be very blunt when perhaps tact is what's called for.
I don't know if you're a man or a woman but as a man I'd say that the truth should always be spoken amongst friends.

[4getmenot]

I'm a bit like that. I can come across as insensitive, but truth is I;m blunt and to the point and if a friend asks something I give an honest answer even if they dont like what they hear, but its coz I care

[fatotter]

agreed everton! i am guilty of that, i say what i think (because what i am thinking is truth) and sometimes if i am with friends who i am comfortable with i forget to edit my words! I am female, but with a boyish nature, cant be bothered with pussyfooting around something! lifes too short!

[4getmenot]

Friends you are uncomfortable with, you should never feel like that. I used to be like that always trying with mates and then thought no stuff it if they are my real friends I wouldnt have to try and I no longer speak to them.

[JockSporran]

Some people are like that - self centred and inconsiderate, even though they might be a 'good' person likable in many ways, they show no thought for others. It's best to keep such a person at a distance. If they are a friend, keep your meetings or nights out with them irregular. If they have said something to upset or insult you personally, do not give in to their stupid petty-mindedness.

[fatotter]

4getmenot, i totally know what you mean! the girl i was reffering to with whom i had to pussy foot around, i am no longer close to her, not because of my nature or hers, something completely unrelated, however, i think that we were too different to remain good friends as we grew older

[whiskeysheri]

My nan is the worst person for being insensitive and lack of tact. I wince every time she opens her mouth for fear of what she might come out with. The best one was a few months ago when she told me and my sister how "wonderfully large" our thighs are. Seriously. My dad tells her off for it all the time, but I genuinely don't think she realises how it comes across to other people. I don't believe she says anything with intended malice, but there's no changing her. :o) x

[4getmenot]

ha ha bit like my nan god rest her soul, went to visit her in hospital once and she said she didnt have a good night as she was woken up all night by nurses, she said well shouted 'There I was sleeping like a baby then all of a sudden woke up and there she was (pointing at black nurse across room) well I thought I was in a jungle.

[warpig3]

Firstly, thank you all for being so honest (great name by the way fatotter).

Well the problem is that it is mrwarpig. Perhaps things that I think are important he does not.

I will give you the recent example and perhaps you could give me your opinions.

I bought a baby design border for the spare room, just to brighten it up a little for the impending arrival. No matching curtains, spreads, lampshades, just the border. His response was 'why did you by that, well if you put it up, you can take it down later. I never had that when I was a child (45 years ago)blah, blah, blah. How is a baby going to know anyway'.

I was incensed, as in my mind all I was trying to do was brighten things up a little and prepare. But felt completely shot down and hurt that he would not want something (albeit small) for our child.

Also you must take into consisderation that being pregnant I am hormonal (more so than normal!) so perhaps I am over reacting.

[fatotter]

Whiskeysherry, by any chance is your grandmother irish? my grandparents are the same and they are irish, my grandad gets straight to the point and he will say stuff like "your getting a fat cow arent you" or will immediately point out peoples braces and make a train joke! he would do anything for anyone though, hes a lovely bloke, just very dry and to the point - which i love him for! you always know where you stand with him!

[fatotter]

warpig! you are beeing totally reasonable! If you are going to be in and out of that room feeding or calming down a baby etc etc, it is important that you do it in a nice calming environment. Why not make your home nice if you can?

Redecorating will be needed again when your child starts little school and starts wanting thomas the tank, power rangers or barbie in their room, it shows their personality.

So what if you want matching acessories too? that will finish it off nicely! you can always sell them online when your baby outgrows them!

[fatotter]

plus decorating is something that you can do together, a bottle of wine and hey ho, there you go! some quality time!

[warpig3]

Thats the thing fatotter, his reaction actually had me calling into play my actions and questioning them. He knew as soon as he said it that he had said too much and tried to make it better by suggesting that we could put a periodic table on the wall too, to teach the child the elements. As you can imagine this went down like a ton of bricks with me (although I can smile about it now, a little).

[Octavius]

It sounds more like a childish tantrum than insensitivity to be honest.

Maybe he wanted to go and choose it with you?
Some men can be fickle when they feel left out.

[whiskeysheri]

LMAO! No, she doesn't even have that excuse, fatotter! :o) She's your typical little grandma always baking cakes... but God, has she got a gob on her. She's a little bit racist, too, unfortunately. We did have the idea of gagging her in the car once... Awww, no, warpig! I don't think that's unreasonable at all! It's natural that you want to make things nice for your new baby. Tell him to not be such a miserable git. :o)

[fatotter]

ha ha! elements table! yeah right!

Dont take it to heart, you should know your other half by now and have learnt to ignore his sillyness! let it go over your head. maybe its his way of letting of steam by just snapping for no reason! daft, but people do it!

at the end of the day nobodys perfect and if this is the only problem you have with him i say - well done to you! just remember the womans imaginary ear muffs - for when men talk rubbish!