ChatterBank2 mins ago
Who's At Fault Here, The Mother, The Old Chap Or The Police For Letting Him Go.
50 Answers
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I think the mother, you just do not let a youngster of that age wander around a busy shopping mall hoping that he is following you, notice the way the mother changes direction, yet for a short while the youngster walks straight on.
The outcome of this could have been much worse had the man had more serious intentions.
I think the mother, you just do not let a youngster of that age wander around a busy shopping mall hoping that he is following you, notice the way the mother changes direction, yet for a short while the youngster walks straight on.
The outcome of this could have been much worse had the man had more serious intentions.
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Neither the mother nor the man who approached the child are to blame.
As the headline states, the mother momentarily took her eyes off the child.
Also, there's some very good advice in the article. We've discussed this on a few occasions on AB, and I've always wondered what I woould do if I saw a lone child. These guidelines seem pretty much spot on:
"This includes staying still with the child and not leading them away from where you have found them; asking them where their parents or guardians are, and look around to see if you can spot them; considering asking other passers-by if they know where the child's parents might be; and taking them to the nearest shop if their parents can't be found after a few minutes."
As the headline states, the mother momentarily took her eyes off the child.
Also, there's some very good advice in the article. We've discussed this on a few occasions on AB, and I've always wondered what I woould do if I saw a lone child. These guidelines seem pretty much spot on:
"This includes staying still with the child and not leading them away from where you have found them; asking them where their parents or guardians are, and look around to see if you can spot them; considering asking other passers-by if they know where the child's parents might be; and taking them to the nearest shop if their parents can't be found after a few minutes."
wolf63
/// Ago, put yourself in the old guys place. You find a runaway toddler, do you act and perhaps be accused of having evil intentions. Or do you do nothing? ///
In actual fact similar has happened to me, I was in a supermarket waiting in the wide entrance part of the store for my wife who had popped into the toilets, when I spotted a toddler wandering about and crying, but I was too scared to approach the infant, so while keeping an eye on him I happened to grab hold of the security man, who went over to the child and took him to the customer service desk where they made an announcement for the child's parent over the pubic address system,.
/// Ago, put yourself in the old guys place. You find a runaway toddler, do you act and perhaps be accused of having evil intentions. Or do you do nothing? ///
In actual fact similar has happened to me, I was in a supermarket waiting in the wide entrance part of the store for my wife who had popped into the toilets, when I spotted a toddler wandering about and crying, but I was too scared to approach the infant, so while keeping an eye on him I happened to grab hold of the security man, who went over to the child and took him to the customer service desk where they made an announcement for the child's parent over the pubic address system,.
AOG
I think the key thing is to no walk the child away. Standing still, and grabbing an approproate 'authority figure' is the safest opinion.
And once the child is reunited with their parent or guardian, it's probably not wise to pass any remarks on their attitude to responsible care-giving, because you will most likely get an earful of abuse.
I think the key thing is to no walk the child away. Standing still, and grabbing an approproate 'authority figure' is the safest opinion.
And once the child is reunited with their parent or guardian, it's probably not wise to pass any remarks on their attitude to responsible care-giving, because you will most likely get an earful of abuse.
/I was too scared to approach the infant/
I understand and respect why you felt that way aog
but it is a damaging and pervasive aspect of our culture
in my experience it is a UK syndrome not recognised in other countries.
I believe in pushing back. In similar circumstances I have exercised my right to approach and speak to children in an open and confident manner. No one has ever taken it amiss.
Mind you, I don't wear a greasy mac with the pockets cut out.
I understand and respect why you felt that way aog
but it is a damaging and pervasive aspect of our culture
in my experience it is a UK syndrome not recognised in other countries.
I believe in pushing back. In similar circumstances I have exercised my right to approach and speak to children in an open and confident manner. No one has ever taken it amiss.
Mind you, I don't wear a greasy mac with the pockets cut out.
Zeuhl
I lay this squarely at the feet of sections of the media (especially newspapers) who spent the larger part of the 90s scaring everyone with one paedophile story after another.
This wasn't the case when I was growing up. A man wasn't automatically assumed to be 'dodgy' if in this situation.
However, the constant drip drip drip of these stories and the general hysteria surrounding a relatively small number of stranger danger stories have left men scared to do what comes naturally, which is to look out for kids...any kids.
I lay this squarely at the feet of sections of the media (especially newspapers) who spent the larger part of the 90s scaring everyone with one paedophile story after another.
This wasn't the case when I was growing up. A man wasn't automatically assumed to be 'dodgy' if in this situation.
However, the constant drip drip drip of these stories and the general hysteria surrounding a relatively small number of stranger danger stories have left men scared to do what comes naturally, which is to look out for kids...any kids.
sp1814
Yes I think these were the Police's advice, seems right enough in principle but not in today's climate.
/// "This includes staying still with the child and not leading them away from where you have found them; asking them where their parents or guardians are, ///
Say you are standing with the child talking to them to ask where their parents or guardians are, in the meantime along comes the parent or guardian they see you alone talking to the child and they throw a fit, dragging the child away and calling you a pervert.
I don't know about you but I wouldn't wish to be in that situation.
/// and taking them to the nearest shop if their parents can't be found after a few minutes." ///
So holding the child's hand and leading them to the nearest shop, that could be a distance away, and when you are spotted doing just that.
Your feet wouldn't touch the ground and one would have much explaining to do.
Yes I think these were the Police's advice, seems right enough in principle but not in today's climate.
/// "This includes staying still with the child and not leading them away from where you have found them; asking them where their parents or guardians are, ///
Say you are standing with the child talking to them to ask where their parents or guardians are, in the meantime along comes the parent or guardian they see you alone talking to the child and they throw a fit, dragging the child away and calling you a pervert.
I don't know about you but I wouldn't wish to be in that situation.
/// and taking them to the nearest shop if their parents can't be found after a few minutes." ///
So holding the child's hand and leading them to the nearest shop, that could be a distance away, and when you are spotted doing just that.
Your feet wouldn't touch the ground and one would have much explaining to do.
/For a lone male to do so, is generally frowned upon./
what evidence do you have for this?
Have you been accused of something untoward or is this just something you have imagined and assumed to be true?
The trouble is, if we accept those irrational fears as being true - then they become self-fulfilling
what evidence do you have for this?
Have you been accused of something untoward or is this just something you have imagined and assumed to be true?
The trouble is, if we accept those irrational fears as being true - then they become self-fulfilling
AOG
In this particular situation (shopping centre), I would stand with the child, not leading him/her away.
Then I would contact the store's security...by mobile phone.
In fact, that would be my first reaction, if the parents/guardians couldn't be found immediately.
Say if I was walking through a park and I saw an obviously distressed child. I would phone the police within a couple of minutes. That way you're completely shielded from any further accusations.
...and further to what you say, if people get huffy at a man walking with his wife who gives a child a grin, then I dispair.
In this particular situation (shopping centre), I would stand with the child, not leading him/her away.
Then I would contact the store's security...by mobile phone.
In fact, that would be my first reaction, if the parents/guardians couldn't be found immediately.
Say if I was walking through a park and I saw an obviously distressed child. I would phone the police within a couple of minutes. That way you're completely shielded from any further accusations.
...and further to what you say, if people get huffy at a man walking with his wife who gives a child a grin, then I dispair.
Graham-W
/// No-one was harmed. No-one was wrongly arrested. Everyone's good name is intact. ///
Very easy to say that after the event, but it could have been much more serious.
/// Must be a quiet day for news. A complete no news story. Just the usual DM sensationalism. ///
If this report alerts just one parent to the dangers of taking their eye off their child, just for a split second, then it is not a no news story or even your favourite Daily Mail sensationalism.
/// No-one was harmed. No-one was wrongly arrested. Everyone's good name is intact. ///
Very easy to say that after the event, but it could have been much more serious.
/// Must be a quiet day for news. A complete no news story. Just the usual DM sensationalism. ///
If this report alerts just one parent to the dangers of taking their eye off their child, just for a split second, then it is not a no news story or even your favourite Daily Mail sensationalism.
it does look very suspicious - he just walks straight up to the kid, takes his hand and purposely walks off fast - he doesnt look around, he doesnt ask the kid any questions, he doesnt act in any way you would expect someone to if they found a lone toddler
if he really did think the child belonged to someone he knew then surely the person in question can clarify that they were indeed in the mall at the same time and also looking for their missing child ...?
you dont just walk around and see a vaguely 'familiar' child, and try to take him, unless a parent you know, and are with at the time, has said their kid is missing right at that moment!
was this other parent even in the mall at the time?
at that age, many kids look similar, but thats not an excuse, its all the more reason not to act on it!
obviously the police have taken him at his word - but else can they do?
its his word against... well no-ones, because he hadnt actually done anything illegal.
i would be interested to know who this other parent was, and how far the police investigated him
but hey, its a good excuse to have ready eh? also play the confused and kindly old duffer routine...?
i really dont know what to think - it could be either - but it certainly looks suspicious.
if he really did think the child belonged to someone he knew then surely the person in question can clarify that they were indeed in the mall at the same time and also looking for their missing child ...?
you dont just walk around and see a vaguely 'familiar' child, and try to take him, unless a parent you know, and are with at the time, has said their kid is missing right at that moment!
was this other parent even in the mall at the time?
at that age, many kids look similar, but thats not an excuse, its all the more reason not to act on it!
obviously the police have taken him at his word - but else can they do?
its his word against... well no-ones, because he hadnt actually done anything illegal.
i would be interested to know who this other parent was, and how far the police investigated him
but hey, its a good excuse to have ready eh? also play the confused and kindly old duffer routine...?
i really dont know what to think - it could be either - but it certainly looks suspicious.
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