Dead Friends

[nailit]

Im currently doing some decorating work. The people im doing it for are the parents of my long time friend and school mate, who died suddenly 3 years ago.
We had been school mates (same class all through high school) and eventually lost touch in our 20's when he moved away and I did the same. We got back in touch again about 5-6y yrs ago via the internet and had loads of good times when we met up (xmas etc).
After his sudden and unexpected demise, I kept in touch with his parents, who live locally, and have since done loads of DIY and decorating work for them, as I am now.
Question is...
His parents obviously talk about him a lot and we remenicse a lot, but I find it hard to keep talking about a friend thats no longer here. I obviously miss my mate but its hard going sometime. I dont want to sound heartless but just want to get on with my job without the photo albums coming out.
Not even a question I dont suppose, just want thoughts.

[B00]

Suck it up.

You're a link to their dead son, it'll be over soon, let them carry on grieving.

[shoota]

I expect they want you there as a tangible link to their son who isn't.
Humour them.

[grasscarp]

They are needing to talk about him and dont realise that you dont want to. There are two choices for you - either tell them that you find it difficult or go there less often. Very sorry for your, and their, loss.

[Purple_Popple]

You may have had enough of the 'memories' but he was their son, end of.
Please be patient with them, they will miss him and it is a comfort to them to talk about their son with you.

[AlwaysConfused]

Its brilliant that they feel they can talk openly to you. The parents can obviously feel the strong connection the two of you had. Im pretty sure they miss him more than u do, let themtalk, it helps the grieving process

[DaisyNonna]

Understand both points of view.
Why not gently explain that you find it hard to talk about your friend but that you realise their need to talk occasionally.
They may take the hint.

[ummmm]

Grin and bare it.

3 years is a relatively short amount of time for grief.

[sherrardk]

You need to grow a pair, he was your friend (who you lost contact with), he is their son - you will get new friends, they won't get a new son.

[shoota]

Well, I wouldn't bare 'it'.....

[BlackadderV]

//Well, I wouldn't bare 'it'.....//

If the price is right...

[Jeza]

I have stopped reminiscing about my son to Mic. He died over 5 years ago. Since Mic's illness as soon as I mention his name he gets all tearful and upset so I've stopped doing it. I realise it's not the same but it upsets me too when I can't talk about him. So put on a brave face and talk and laugh with them.

[bednobs]

also being a parent to dead children i can understand completely their need to talk about him, hear his name out loud; i don't want to do it all the time, but sometimes is nice to talk normally about them.
I would also say eithe grin and bear it, or stop going as much

[phleb]

While the rest of the world moves on, parents can't, they will always talk about their son. Maybe you should tell them how you feel, they might understand. x

[nailit]

Thanks for replies. Its not so much as grin and bare it, I enjoy the memories, I just feel uncomfortable. Must be a man thing. My mates gone and I'm in his place. I'm their doing his parents decorating instead of him.
Obviously my issue and not theirs.

[Peter Pedant]

You are the link to their son

They will find grieving long term and obviously for you it will be shorter
Difficult one

[nailit]

peter, not often I can even understand your posts but on this one I think you have hit the nail on the head.

[nailit]

Was actually going to give you best answer there Peter, but there is no best answer function available. Where 's it gone?

[Peter Pedant]

thanks for the compliment
have a good one

[nailit]

There you go Peter, best answer.

[Dee Sa]

last month I went to see friends who now live in Portugal, they were best man & matron of honour at my wedding to chief Stout, it was so comforting to be able to talk about my late hubby and laugh about his antics etc from way back, it was like a link to him and I was really glad that I had gone to see them.